Matching

[Jidgetbones]

So, I feel I sailed (slowly) to approval panel. I've only been approved a month, and I'm finding it so hard. All those children, all so beautiful. I'm struggling to stop myself browsing the Link Maker and other profiles obsessively, and gaze at the pictures of the children that I'm enquiring about. And I haven't even seen any CPRs yet! I'm assuming that this will calm down, I have to calm down! Paperwork isn't getting done, as I'm wasting time daydreaming. Just after some sympathy, really, and any tips for staying sane, please!

Well, sympathy a plenty from me. I spent ages look at Be my parent, which I think sadly does not exist any more.

BUT.... WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You don't need sympathy, you need to get on and do whatever you need to do. Competition for children who are freed for adoption is now, so I am led to believe (we are 20 months into our adoption of our son) is quite fierce. You will be asking to be considered for these children, how is that going to fly if your paperwork is not complete!

The CPRs will change your mind, a lovely looking little child may well have problems and issues you feel you cannot face or handle and you will need to be honest about what you can 'manage' and what you can bring to a child.

The pictures are really the least important part, honestly. My son is adorable, he could be a child model (I am not just saying this, others comment on his good looks!) but we decided to adopt him based on his profile and CPR which did not include a photo.

So tips...

1. Make a list of what to do and promise yourself you can not look at any profiles again until you have done that.

2. The process can be long and once your paperwork leaves your hands it will be in the hands of social workers. So please do not wait, because the social worker may introduce an element of waiting that is out of your control! So do something now with the time when you are in control of this bit of the process

3. Please use this time wisely instead of day dreaming - yes, I know it is tempting to do so! . Do which ever of these you the most!
   A) Read about looked children
   B) De-clutter your home as much as you can (we did some but not enough)
   C) Get as much experience with kids as you can
   D) Work on your support network etc. You said I not we so I wonder if you are adopting alone.

Oh, just realised, maybe you had done the paper work and someone else has not done it but still use your time better than day dreaming, some of my A-D maybe and then some daydreaming!

I mean boring work paperwork. I'm finding it hard to focus on work, because in my mind it's like I was in the last month or so before mat leave- nothing really matters, because I'll be away with my new child!!!!! soon.

My home's fine, really, not cluttered other than with hand me downs for the new one.

My support network is tried and tested, and fine.

I already have birth child, and my house often has various kids in and out, as well as working with kids.

I'm ready!!!! :) I'm just waiting for the social workers to start showing me CPRs. They've shown me profiles, but because it's a VA, they're dependent on the LAs getting in to action, and with Christmas and the wind down, it's all so slow.

I think once I start seeing CPRs, I will calm down, as I'll realise that there is more than the profile. However, just now there does appear to be plenty of children I can say 'give me more details' for. I've been so chilled through approval, and I'd heard so much about how 'difficult' that process is. But this is so hard, and I've only been at it a month.

I'm ready!!!! OK then you don't need advice from me!

Day dreaming is fine if you are ready.

Jidgetbones just hang on, matching is the hardest part. All the best.

The waiting after approval was definitely the hardest part and I found myself checking adoption link at every opportunity and then feeling disappointed if a show of interest in a child was either ignored, suspended or rejected. We were about 4 months from approval panel to being shown the profile of our DS. He was worth the wait and a perfect match for us but those 4 months felt like the longest in the world as you just know nothing, you feel like life is on hold, like you can't plan just in case you suddenly get a call but then you also can't fully prepare as you don't yet know anything about your child. It's hard, definitely the hardest bit I found although having said that the bit between placement and AO being signed off is also horrendous in some ways. It's just one bloody long waiting game with adoption. However, it is definitely worth the wait when your child comes home :) hang in there.

I was in a very similar position 3 years ago (with an LA, they didn't think I'd find an in-house match and my 3 months were up at Christmas!) Once January hit things really started moving. However I am aware that in those few years things have changed a lot. Of my friends who were approved in 2014, one pair were matched very quickly, the others it took over a year.

I don't know how VAs do things - my SW got me to write a little profile of myself which she sent out to local LAs, and that's how I was matched with DD.

Best of luck - matching was definitely the hardest part of the process for me - your life is on hold and you aren't in control. I planned a little holiday to have something to look forward to - was very happy to cancel it when I was matched

Hi Jidget, my reaction was to say enjoy the excitement! I'm 13 months into waiting for a match and remember the heady it's-about-to-happen feeling fondly... (sadly it's been replaced with resignation now) But apparently some small changes are being made which might lead to more adoption orders being granted and children being brought out of care and into adoptive homes so your match really might be just around the corner - good luck!