hi all
myself and my DW are a gay couple (obviously) and have just been approved. hooray! and all that jazz.
my boss is an old friend of my parents. the company is very small, we know each other well, and he's known my parents for years. we are close in a work-type way - no personal discussions but lots of banter. he obviously knows that we have been approved and that essentially I could head off on adoption leave at the drop of a hat, and he's been very good about it.
his mother recently died and he is feeling quite philosophical, i think.
he's just had a long conversation with (at?) me, essentially really really wanting to know why we decided to adopt and not to "inject". (this is his euphemism for sperm donation, which evidently he feels is too icky to mention by name, bless).
he brought up a lot of things they tell us all about when we sign up to adopt. the child's teenage years may be turbulent. the child may have unknown medical conditions. the child may have been exposed to drugs in the womb. neither of us will have a biological connection to the child. neither of us will have a hormonal rush after birthing the child.
i know all this. we have processed all this. myself and DW decided to parent on an "even" basis, and my DW has never wanted to carry children. and we didn't want it to be one of ours, and an unknown man's. this was our choice and ours alone - no judgement on anyone who has conceived this way.
boss said he thinks we should have "injected". he is entitled to an opinion (even if i'd rather he kept it to himself sometimes).
it made me sad that he felt that way. it makes me feel again the grief that i think we all feel [on this board] about not having a biological birth child, who we could have fully protected and nourished from conception onwards. who could have avoided the trauma of loss. I'm cross that he did that - he's a man, he probably has no idea what he did - but my question is this:
is it usual for both parties of a heterosexual couple who adopt to be infertile? that seems quite unlikely. it seems to me that if either man or woman was infertile, their partner could feel (like mine does) peculiar about using a third party donor to become pregnant.
so i would say that as lesbians, we are like a hetero couple with one of us being infertile..kind of..?
just because we have a working womb doesn't mean we have to grow a baby in it, if we don't want to conceive with someone who isn't our partner. maybe women who are fertile but have husbands who are not still adopt, and how many people ask them why they didn't use someone else's sperm?
I am rambling madly here. apologies for stream of consciousness. that last bit is what i really wanted to ask y'all about. do people ask you that? because they ask me that a lot and it makes me a bit sad.
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a rambling one, sorry
30 replies
arielmanto · 06/11/2015 14:22
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