ADOPTION OR FOSTERING?

[Cwmbranchildminder]

Hi, Just a general chat really about adoption and fostering. My husband and I would like another child but I dont want to give birth again and have considered the options of adoption or fostering as I know there is a great need, My husband and I already have a 3.5yr old and an 8mth old baby,What would be the best option for us do you think? I know if I foster I'd have to give up childminding - do you get paid for fostering? Also if we adopted can you request a certain age etc? We currently have a 3bed hse but considering an extension or move for the extra room. I think Fostering can be tough having to part but then again very rewarding! Gosh i seem to be rambling. Sorry its a bit of a jumble but we are just in the very 1st stages of talking this through.

basically, fostering is a job, like childminding. Except much longer hours and MUCH worse pay. Adoption is parenting a child who will be a permanent part of your family.

Its hard to sum up in a few sentences - much like if someone asked you " So whats it like to be a mum?" You woudl think " Well where do i start? "

If you are thinking about adoption you woudl need to consider what kind of child woudl fit best it your family, what type of needs you think you coudl meet. And then find out if you woudl be considered for such a child.All adopted children have special needs of one type or another

Hope that makes sense

If you adopt you CAN ask for children of certain age.
If you adopt they are then YOUR children

Fostering young children or babies is, as a rule, unpaid. Local authorities do pay an allowance for basic stuff ie:food and clothes but it is not a wage as it is meant to keep the child. It is a 24/7 job though very rewarding.
You may not have to give up childminding as lots of foster carers look after school age children and work part time. For me the difference is that adoption is permanent and fostering is not. It is hard to let go but the rewards are huge.

notasheep is right- you can ask for a child of a certain age. But there is huge demand to adopt a child under 2 years and you woudl not be elgible as you already have 2 babies. You will understand they prioritise childless couples

So you would be asked to consider a child aged 2-5 years or over 5. There needs to be a gap of 2 years between your youngest child and a child placed with you. So they probably woulndt consider even assessing you until your baby was 2 or 3.

Unless you could take a child with special needs or you are black , when the rules are different

If you want to have another child I would really, really urge you to consider having another biological child, unless this is impossible or dangerous. Adoption is very very hard and will take years. Its NOT an easier option than the pg / birth thing.You will then have to deal with adoption related issues for the rest of your life.

If you want to do an interesting, demanding, rewarding ( voluntary) job then consider fostering

THANKS for all that advice...its given us a lot to think of. We are currently going through a step parent adoption and realise what a nightmare process this is so can imagine to some extent what a full blown adoption is like. As we said its just a load of thoughts at the moment and we are not taking it further just yet but all this does need a long time in thinking it through.

Hi I do fostering.
It came about by accident since we got approved by a fostering panel but for the purpose of offering supported lodgings, which is providing a room in your home for a 16-24 year old as a half way house between fostering and being dumped in the big bad world. But fostering placements are in short supply and we agreed to take a short term foster placement. Big mistake finacially! Considering the average wage is £250 perweek, the fact that we get paid absolutely nothing means that some people must be being paid £500+ per week!
Now to bring a reality check to someone thinking of taking on a foster/adoption child. They are incredibly hard work. They will bust your family apart if you are not completely grounded and go into this with your eyes open. You will argue, you will suffer from self doubt, you will be tied up by rules and regulations. Here's some things to think about as examples of how it changes your homelife:

1. You will no longer be able to read your child to sleep in their bedroom,- as you cant do this for your foster child because alot of abuse takes place in bedrooms, you must stay out of their rooms, and you cant treat them differently to your own children so your own children will lose this pleasure too.
2. A lot of foster children may have been subject to sexual abuse which may not yet be disclosed. They are likely to exihibit or involve your own children in sexual acts!
3. They may falsely accuse you of abuse. Your own children may be at risk of being taken away from you over a false allegation and think of all the police and social worker interviews and disruption to your life this would cause.

Sorry to paint a black picture. But many people have a fairy tale image of fostering. There will be lots of training and assessing going on and the above FACTS will come out then along with many many more.

Think long and hard as to why you want to do this. If you are not put off, then good on you. Get all the information that you can is my last advice.

i agree with everything maggi has said. Sorry i knwo its not the popular view of fostering/adoption but its pretty accurate

There's a huge shortage of foster parents here.

Teh council keep asking for more and more.

They don't realise their own housing policies and the extreme lack of affordable housing exacerbates the problem.

Most people live in overcrowded conditions as it is here.

I can imagine that is all true Maggi and understand they are just some of the bad points - but why do you personally foster then?

In short maternal instinct is the answer, I'm stuffed full of the it. At a recent first aid course I was loathe to give up the (quite ugly) dolly that we had to use to pratise resucitation.

The Supported Lodgings that we originally signed up to do gives us just enough income with my husbands wage for me to stay at home to bring up our own 2 children. So it's also part finacial for us too.