received first letter box from adopters - hold my hand

[anxious123]

...as title. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to open the letter. I'm almost too scared of what I'll read.

Oh now I'm going to be desperate for you to open it!

I'm sure you will be strong enough to open it. But there's no hurry.

What are you scared of? What would your fears be?

That it'll make me feel like a really sht parent as opposed to a sht parent. That he's not settled as well as he was at first. That he doesn't seem to be getting the most of life. Lots of things ...

We're here. Tell us when you're ready and we'll put the kettle on.

Hand holding too. Anxious - you said you liked the AM - they will be gentle and sensitive. I feel confident they will be.

I have to write my contact letter next month. I am already struggling about what to write. If it helps - for me, I feel like my son is a joint effort.

Thanks guys. I think I've stared at the envelope long enough. I'm going to walk the dog to the shop in which I may or may not purchase some wine then I'll open it. Even the bloody dog keeps nudging it in my direction.

Good luck. I'll be back later to see how you got on.

Dogs are psychic don't ya know?

He's doing really well x

Well done for reading it and lovely that he's doing well. Be gentle with yourself today.

I'm glad he's doing well. As slkk, be kind to yourself - I can imagine that it stirs up a lot of emotions for you.

And how are you?

All over the place to be honest. Very mixed bag

Did you open it ? Do y want to talk about it ( in a general way of course ) ?

I wouldn't know where to start to be honest. Don't get me wrong I'm glad I read it and I'm pleased that he's doing so well and learning new things and having a nice life etc but there's a part of me that wants to scream "I should be doing that with him" even though I know it's the right thing for him to be with his family.

It's ok for all of you to scream that . That's how I would feel too if he were my child.

I'm sorry that things have worked out this way and you can't bring him up yourself . But please don't think that you are not his family anymore . You will always be his biological mother , the one who gave birth to him and nothing will ever change that

Anxious well done for reading the letter. I agree 100% with Kr1stina, yes You will always be his biological mother.

You are a special person. Please be kind to you.

Thinking of you.