sw going into too much detail?

[Mersea]

Hi
We are fairly new to adoption, we are on our 4th sw assessment visit. We were expecting it to be detailed but sometimes I feel we are focusing on really small things. It took me nearly 2 hours to find all the start and end months for my jobs since leaving school ( I was able to provide the years but she also wanted the months) I felt this was time I could have spent completing more of the PAR questions. Also I am attending counselling with macmillan at the moment as my parents have previously been through cancer treatment and I have used this as a way to support them and the family. However our sw has seen this as a real negative thing and is worried that it might be seen as me being in crisis, which I think is a little unfair. Our sw just seems to be a little unsure of herself and asks so many questions in so much detail. She even admited that maybe she did not need so much information when she was asking about why, in one of my previous jobs I had changed postions a couple of time due to restucture. Sorry for the rant but maybe I just need some reasurance that we have a good sw and she will put the relevant things in the report. Has anyone else had similar experinces with their social worker?

Hiya, We are on our fifth SW. Our first meeting The SW walked in and before even saying hello to us, she amounts that we have an awful lot of cat Paraphernalia ( we have two indoor cats so we had a fairly big scratching post, beds, litter tray and cats toys) ???? and then went on to say that she was worried we would love the cats more then a child.???? I informed her that was an unfair comment and we moved on.
We have had our DS now for 8 months and it's been awesome. some social workers are crazy, some go in to wait too much detail I'm focus on the most of things and some are awesome. There's a part of me that thinks they did this on purpose to see how you react when your buttons are pressed.
Just trying to Grin and bear it. You're not alone and remember this is a small part of a very long journey x

I agree that the poorer and less experienced SW tend to focus on irrelevant details . One of ours became obsessed that I didn't have the address for where I lived between the ages of 4 and 5 , and there seemed no way of finding out .

She claimed that this would invalid my criminal records check , although she did admit it was unlikely that I'd committed any offences when I was in nursery school . She then decided that I had assumed someone else's identity ( aged 4 ) , despite living in the UK for my whole life , having a complete record of education and jobs since the age of 5 and having already adopted in the UK. Sigh .

So there are some bonkers ones out there . Sadly you have no choice but to smile and nod . And do whatever they want .

The same one told me that my choice of referrees was " very suspicious " as I'd only known them for about 10-15 years . " normal people " apparently have known all their referrees for their whole lives , or at least from primary school or kindergarten .

You'll be pleased to know that she left SW soon after and is now a teacher . Another adoptive family have a child at her school and they moved the child after they found out that she has told the other teachers about their child's background .

Hi
Thank you so much for you comments, they did make us smile and nice to have some reassurance that it is not just us! I guess when you are tired and feeling a little unsure it is harder to keep smiling and nodding! We are doing our best to stay positive and try to look further forward to the good bit we have to look forward to. We know it will not be an easy ride but we hope it will all be worth it in the end

I think in my eyes I'd just go with the flow. Give her as much detail as you can. She will get bored! Work on building up a genuine rapper, making her feel comfortable and she may relax and ease up.

Nice biscuits, proper coffee or whatever, a lovely smile and every intimate details of your life, it will be worth it!

Good luck.

Hi, I agree with Italian.

My SW for stage two was a student and she wanted tons of detail about everything. At our first meeting she questioned me for three hours about my family's Christmas traditions and spoke a lot about her own. At the time I was a bit frustrated and couldn't see the point. However I do think it helped us build up a relationship and it wasn't really a hardship.

I think it's hard going through the approval process and not feeling in control but you'll get there in the end and it is so worth it.

I can see that some of it seems a bit much sometimes but the start/end of jobs thing is really very basic safeguarding. It's to show a timeline where you couldn't have, for example, been living under an assumed name/in a foreign country abusing children. Very standard practice for some jobs, completely essential for something like this.

Although you might think a four year old would be exempt from that...

Ah, but I was a very smart four year old ....

This is really good to hear and I do appreciate that they do need to check everything. I hope things will work out and we can give a loving home to a child/children. I have been a youth worker for 25 years and worked with children my whole career, it will be an amazing to be able to give some of this experience and nurture to our own.

It sounds to me like your sw is inexperienced - this may well be her first assessment. The issue about getting exact employment details is I think due to a child being fatally injured by an approved adopter in Brighton & Hove some years ago (although the AO had not been made) and there was a Serious Case Review. During the assessment this adopter had claimed to have spent 3 years at University (and it later transpired that this was not the case) and I think I'm right in saying that it was then agreed by LAs that they must get exact details of employment records. It's a bit like the restrictions at airports - no liquids just because someone made a bomb out of liquid some years ago.

I think it is totally unfair that she is concerned about you getting support from MacMillan and makes me feel she must be very inexperienced, as she is worrying that others will think you are in crisis, so not trusting her own judgement. I would see it as a very positive thing, in the sense that you were getting some support at a difficult time. If you go on to adopt there will be many occasions when you will need to access support through some of the turbulent times. Maybe ask her why she thinks this will be perceived as you being in crisis.

I know everyone has to start somewhere and social workers (like others) have to "learn on the job" - I had a 30 year career in LA Children's Services and specialised in Fostering & Adoption but I cringe at some of the first assessments that I did, as I honestly didn't really know what I was doing. I'm sure it will be fine and she's obviously a little over zealous and worried that she's not getting enough detail. The thing is she should be getting supervision from her Team Manager, but this often doesn't happen in this day and age I'm told, because of pressure of work.

All issues that are discussed are designed to be related to the task ahead, that of caring for a child who has had a bad start in life through abuse/neglect. Many social workers don't really get this, and put all manner of things in reports that aren't necessary, and fail to actually analyse the information they are collecting, which is the most important thing really.

I agree with Nina - seeking support through difficult times is a strength , it's a positive and constructive coping stategy

Am new to Mumsnet and a bit shy generally of giving advise if you don't know all the facts but I'd really suggest that you ask to speak to her senior if she is making you uncomfortable. Like any profession there are good and bad practitioners. Like any profession everyone has to learn. This is however your life and you need a rapport with your social worker not just to get through this stage but in order to get a good match. We had a number of social workers - not that we asked to change but because of ill health, moving house etc etc. It was soooo different with our last (and final) social worker. I can't tell you how at ease we were, how comfortable etc. There will be other people in the team and you could change. If she is a good professional then she wont take offense (I work in the health service and we often get requests for people to have a new key worker and I think its a healthy) - could be she is struggling too. Adoption is hard enough. Don't put up with it being harder than it needs be.

All of our prep group found that their SW focused on one small, apparently irrelevant thing in their assessment process eg the year that someone didn't see their dad because their parents went through an acrimonious divorce in their teenage years, but that was 20 years ago and for the last 19 years they have had a strong relationship with them. Or the fact that someone hadn't told their mum that they smoked, because they knew she would be upset because her dad had died of lung cancer. Or - in our case - my parents comment that the one thing they were concerned about was the impact an adopted child might have on our birth child being written up as "Christine's parents have strong reservations and are currently unable to support Christine and her DH in the adoption process"

Smile, nod and save your escalation and challenge for the bits that really matter

Sorry Teams I disagree entirely. Complaining about a social worker to her senior when she is simply doing her job but maybe collecting more information than is necessary is inappropriate.

Of course social workers (like everyone else) are all different and some will be able to forge a good working relationship early on, and others won't and it will depend on their experience and competence as assessing social workers. I think you've had some good advice OP but please don't put in a complaint. You will have the opportunity to read the assessment and if you think the sw has got something completely wrong, you can discuss the matter with her, and hopefully get the wording changed.

Just to update, we have now been put on hold as mentioned in my new thread. We're waiting for the health advisor to give the go ahead after his assessment of me attending counselling. I feel a bit frustrated as it should not be a bad thing to attend counselling on a regular basis and should not suggest that you must be in crisis. I hoped as a nation we are trying to break down the negative image of mental health,unfortunately it does not seem that is the case in our adoption team. Not too sure what to do now:(

Sit tight, don't do anything rash, wait until you see what the health advisor says. It's quite possibly/probably a red tape thing where SWs aren't allowed to decide anything when the concern is health/MH-related.

Good luck!

Just to qualify Nananina I didn't say put in a complaint, I said to speak to the senior. They are there to get advise and receive feedback.