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I feel like I'm doing a terrible job

10 replies

Cabawill · 02/09/2015 13:43

Being a mother to my AS and AD at the moment.

I'm tired out and frustrated at their behaviour. I feel like I snap at every little things lately and it's bloody depressing.

DS (6) is completely different to when he arrived in Jan and I'm so proud of him. In general he is well behaved and doesn't have tantrums like he used to. I just think the holidays have gone on a little long for him and he's looking forward to getting back into a routine.

DD (4) has always been a bit of a nightmare but she's really pushing every single button I have. She screams for no reason and bites, hits, strangles DS. She always HAS to be first. She pushed him down the stairs to get her breakfast first the other day.

I have found myself shouting at her a lot this past week. I hate it.

Both the DC and our SW's have been on holiday for the whole of August- fantastic timing when you need help the most. They go back to school next week so I'm just hoping I can get through this week.

And breathe........

OP posts:
Devora · 02/09/2015 18:38

I'm doing a terrible job too, Cabawill. I feel your pain (and guilt).

Cabawill · 02/09/2015 18:48

Someone you don't know saying "I'm sure you're not" isn't really going to help I know. I hope you have some support.

Is your DC school age? I'm really counting on routine helping.

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Devora · 02/09/2015 19:31

Yep, just going into Y1. Holding it together at school but really letting rip at home. When life is going well and I'm getting enough sleep, I can cope. When I'm tired and stressed (a lot of the time), I struggle. I feel like we're ensnared in a battle of wills, and therapeutic parenting goes out the window too often. She deserves better. I feel so failed. No help yet but working on it.

But yours came in January? Early days! Make sure you get all the help you can out of the SW while you've still got her.

slkk · 02/09/2015 22:11

Sorry you are having a tough time, caba and devora. I hope you feel more able to breathe and find the calm you need when term starts. Is dd starting reception, caba? Remember it is still early days and things change so much in the first year.

Cabawill · 02/09/2015 22:12

I feel you. My DD is so utterly stubborn I find it hard to believe a 4 year old can be so manipulative. Keep going Devora, I'm sure she's better off with you than where she was before.

I asked for help at the end of June and was told there wasn't anything available for "low level behaviour problems" Hmm at this point. I asked about access to the Adoption Support Fund for Parenting Classes and Play Therapy but was told it wasn't able to be accessed until after the Adoption Order was granted. Fine.

Funnily enough after an email sent 3 weeks ago wasn't answered, I emailed again today and told our SW and the kids SW that I felt the placement with DD was on the brink of collapse. Amazingly, we can now have access to some support. Great, but why leave us all to get so stressed and me to resent her so much some days it's a struggle to "fake it" let alone "make it".

I also want to "raaaaaaaaaaar" when friends nod and tell me about how bad their DC's behaviour is when I tell them about her.

I am so shocked at how little contact SS have had with us/DC since they arrived. No support whatsoever.

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slkk · 02/09/2015 22:29

Oh poor you. But until you experience it you really can't imagine the behaviour and in addition how hard it is to cope with when the children are quite newly placed. I can't even quite believe some of ds' s behaviour last year and I experienced it! Well done for being heard and doing what you need to do to support dd.

YouAreMyRain · 03/09/2015 09:26

I am also a terrible mother, doing a terrible job (my adopted 9yr old DD tells me this a lot!)
You did the right thing by telling SS that! Ridiculous how hard it is to get support!

Daisiemoo · 04/09/2015 20:45

Omg Caba i could have written your posts!! Its so frustrating. Grrrrrrrr!
I was told by my sw could i pretend its day 1 again and be more patient?
I am currently practising deelp breathing Hmm

Daisiemoo · 04/09/2015 20:45

Deep deep goddam wine!!

Cabawill · 06/09/2015 20:04

Hi Daisie and Rain. Sending you some Wine and Cake after another fraught weekend in this house.

It's back to school here Tuesday and I'm literally counting down the hours. DD is going into Reception so I'm expecting a fair few phone calls and "words" from the teacher on pick up as her behaviour is so poor.

At least I'll have some breathing space- although I will miss my DS lots

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