Letterbox - your top tips please

[Charlestons]

Hi all, LO is 3.4 yrs and been with us a year. I'm just about to start our first letter to birth parents and siblings. In total it would be 7 letters so it has been agreed that the same letter will go to all. We have had some guidance from the LA letterbox coordinator but i'm struggling. So far things are going really well and with lots of consistent therapeutic parenting and reassurance our LO has settled in well, we've had holidays abroad, she's been a bridesmaid and things are mostly positive at the moment. However I don't want to appear to gloat etc. and pretend that everything is perfect but also don't feel it would be helpful to say how traumatised she really is. I just can't find a balance that sounds ok in writing!!!

So I guess I'm after some advise from those experienced at letterbox with your 'top tips'. What to say, what not to say, opening sentence, closing sentence and do any of you have a regular list of things that you cover etc.

We did a settling in letter after 4 months and didn't find it half as difficult as this. I've had a look in the archives but couldn't see anything so thank-you in advance for your help ????

I would just stick to fairly factual things eg what she likes to do , how she's getting on at school / nursery

Eg she likes painting, especially pictures of trains, playing in the park with her friends , digging up worms in the garden , baking rice crispie cakes . Find a little funny anecdote, some cute thing she said or did

Obviously you have to watch for anything identifying ( assuming that's an issue) . So mentioning Rainbows might be ok if you live in a city, but not if you live in a small town .

I agree that foreign holidays can be seen ( unfairly ) as gloating , so I'd just say that you went on holiday and she enjoying playing on the beach, making sandcastle, learning to swim with her arm bands off , eating ice cream

Personally I would say nothing about her being traumatised or otherwise . It's very personal information which she may not be happy with you sharing when she's older. It's not appropriate for the siblings. And it's not going to help the birth family at all .

But that's just my opinion

We only write to BM.

I start with something like Dear xxx, I hope you are well. thank you for your letter. DD was interested to hear ......

Then I keep it mainly factual, but try to include some stuff that might give a feeling of character too.

Personally I hint at troubles, or state them obliquely, such as
... finds school a struggle at times, but tries hard
... isn't so good in large groups but has a couple of close friends
... finds some of her memories a bit hard, but we are helping her understand things better
... has been getting quite upset sometimes, but she is now getting some extra support
So always with a 'but'

We do mention holidays (partly because BM wanted DDs to have more experiences than she had) but we try not to bang on about them too much.

We keep to a strict one side of typed each time, (though occasionally we change the font size) so we all know what to expect.

We finish with saying please ask questions if you want to know anything and sign off with our first names.