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Original poster

Can I refuse the social worker permission to contact paternalGrandmother?

9 replies

Greatt84 · 30/05/2015 19:36

Hi,

My husband is adopting my daughter her biological dad died when she was a toddler so the whole process should be simple

We've got through the first stage and the social worker was lovely and incredibly supportive. We are now at the second stage where we've been allocated another social worker to do the full assessment . It's all been happening really quickly which is fantastic!

The only one issue is the 'paternal biological grandmother' who we have no contact with anymore due to her constantly unsettling my daughter and us as a family. My daughter point blank refuses to see her and since there has been no contact (for nearly a year now) life is SO much better. She was the one bad factor in our life! She is not the sort of woman who you'd want to have any influence on your child's life and she's never had a big relationship with her.

Anyway, as she can't contest the adoption and we have no contact with her (and don't want to wake a sleeping bear again) can I refuse permission for the social worker to contact her about her 'opinion' of the adoption?

I feel so strongly about it that I would probably stop the adoption going through if they insisted on doing it

They have contacted all our referees, each who have spoken of the nastiness this woman has put us through and the first social worker was in agreement that she doesn't need to be contacted..

What do you think? Can I refuse?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 30/05/2015 21:17

HAve you explained this to the social worker?

Original poster
Greatt84 · 31/05/2015 09:42

No, haven't met this one yetSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
Greatt84 · 31/05/2015 09:42

Ps the other one (in writing) said contacting the paternal grandmother is not in her best interests and we are open to our daughter about her birth story

OP posts:
anorakgirl · 31/05/2015 09:48

Not sure if this is helpful but we had something similar when we adopted. DH didn't have much contact with his parents (maybe one phone call or visit a year since he was 18) and when he told them we were adopting they told him they would never recognise a child as their grandchild and we're very nasty about it. By the time it came to actually contacting parents he hadn't spoken to them for 2 years so the sw said she didn't need to contact them.

Original poster
Greatt84 · 31/05/2015 13:42

That's incredibly helpful anorak girl - thanks so much xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Greatt84 · 31/05/2015 13:42

And also, what awful things for them to say. I'm so sorry xx

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 31/05/2015 14:18

Greatt84 I am not sure how it works for a family adoption like this but for us we had to select 6 referees, 2 of whom could be family members, so we chose who should be contacted. I guess all you can do is make it clear it is not in the child's interests to involve this person and if they do require it refer them back to the first social worker or take it to a higher authority.

In your shoes I would keep emphasising the child's best interests as that is what they are meant to be all about and it would be hard for them to argue it was necessary if everyone was saying that it was not in the child's best interests!

Good luck.

Haffdonga · 31/05/2015 15:51

Great - just thinking out loud here - it doesn't sound as if SS are suggesting that they use paternal bio grandmother (PBG?) as referee but rather just 'taking her opinion into account'. Would this not be potentially important in the ensuing legal process to show all boxes ticked? Also, could this actually be beneficial to you in the long run, in that PBG will be informed of the new legal situation with regards to dd and her lack of right to contest without you having to have any direct contact with her? Could it allow you to draw a more formal line ending contact with her?

In the same way, hostile previous partners of adopters or contesting birth family members are consulted, not because they can change the process but to ensure no stone is left unturned and the legal case is sound when the decision is made.

Original poster
Greatt84 · 31/05/2015 18:32

Yes, we've given all our references and they've made contact with all of them Smile

I am hopeful as there is no contact and daughter absolutely detests this woman for the upset she has caused her, that the SW will understand. And I will refer it back to original SW or someone higher if she disagrees. I have got an email from first SW saying 'we won't contact grandmother if it's not in the child's best interests'.

Haffdonger - thanks for that opinion, it's actually a good way of thinking about it. If they insist, then I can think of it like that

Xx

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