Questions

[noddyholder]

Hi I didn't realise there was an adoption section so thats great!My dp and i have been considering adoption for a while and initially thought because of my health(kidney transplant)that it would be impossible but we went to a Local Authority open day today and it seems that isn't the case.Dp and I are talking of nothing else atm and I am just wondering how many people on here have adopted and wehat ages etc I already have a 12 year old son and he is very positive about this but I am concerned that I would find it difficult to bond with an older child and this seems to be what the sw's were pushing today.We are thinking of no older than 3 I also wasn't aware that it is now policy to keep some contact with birth families and I was wondering if anyone has done this and how it was for you.Thanks!

bump x

Hi Noddy we adopted our daughter who is now three she was just over 4 months when she came home we had been told that no babies were available for adoption the whole process from the first phone call enquireing to her being put in our arms took around three years it was the biggest rollercoaster of emotions that we will ever experience .
we have no contact with birth family that is by choice of them not us .

Thanks We were told it takes about 12-18 months depending on the age if the child and the panel etc.We are thinking of 2-4 I suppose.There were some terrible tales of children with serious behaviour issues which i don't think we could cope with but there were also really good stories where it all worked out We haven't even made a definite decision It has been yes and then no so many times!

to be honest waiting for pannel dates and meeting dates takes the longest months dragged by with no activity then a big flurry of phonecalls and meetings then silance again it would test the patience of a saint but all the time we had to keep our heads level i think that sometimes our families found it more frustrating than us they kept saying just tell social services to get on with it but thats the last thing we would ever say to ss

How many refernces did they do?One couple we spoke to said 8 the other 4!Also dp has had no contact with his mother since he was 6 and although she is still alive he doesn't want any!So I am hoping they won't insist on seeing her

three refrances our sw went to visit all three plus both sets of grandparents i carnt see them wanting them to visit his birth mum if she has no bearing on your life

Thanks for your help xx

no problem just ask and i will tell

I am talking about it with ds today he is 12 and is very keen but I need to tell him exactly what it involves and how it will affect him and us.So much to think about but I am still very keen to go ahead.

we dont have any other children so i carnt comment there

one of the best pieces of advice i could give is to have a sence of humor about it and if you do start on the process is to edit what you tell people because its such a long drawn out thing it gets to be that you seem to be going over every word over and over again people are interested and will ask questions but when communication slowes right down from ss they can sometimes think that they are upsetting you by asking how its going but feel rude not asking

we are going out now to mum and dads for lunch back later x x

Thanks it is great to have all this advice!

hi noddy we are home a bit late i am just going to bath my little threenager