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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Reaction to Denise Robertson in DM

21 replies

Desmoulinsonatable · 28/05/2015 15:05

I think some of our wisest heads should head over to the discussion in chat as there are some cracking 'theories' about 'forced' adoption being posited.

OP posts:
Lilka · 28/05/2015 16:31

Ah damn I was so hopeful when it didn't get mentioned for several days, thought we'd avoided it all Sad

Lilka · 28/05/2015 16:41

Oh no wait the article appeared yesterday (see I blocked it out!). Either way, no one posted anything then, so it's still the online version of that feeling you get when you trip over in the street, get up and think it's all fine then realise you've now got dog poo on your jeans

Original poster
Desmoulinsonatable · 28/05/2015 17:44

Is ok now. Spero has turned up amongst others and is writing great sense and balance! Grin

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 28/05/2015 22:57

I can't see it in active convo's so I'm not going to search for it and dig it all up again!

Original poster
Desmoulinsonatable · 28/05/2015 23:05

It is now Kew and has now moved on to how wrong experts are and how when they are adoptions should be reversed. I keep writing and deleting furious messages. Trying to rise above Smile

OP posts:
PeppermintCrayon · 29/05/2015 00:02

Not adopter but I volunteer for a charity that works with adopted and fostered children. I had to hide the thread I'm afraid - all the stuff about 'I knew they could never abuse their children' was too hard as my parents put on a similar act. (I was not taken into care. Left home at 16. Wish I had known about supported lodgings. But I digress.)

I think anyone who wants to spout off about this stuff should spend some time actually working for SS (which I have).

flightywoman · 29/05/2015 00:14

I'm so angry I can't be coherent...

Original poster
Desmoulinsonatable · 29/05/2015 00:25

It's a little bit intense up there...

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 29/05/2015 09:55

I didn't actually think it was too bad when I read it! I think I have been desensitised by IJ and the ex MP Grin

Original poster
Desmoulinsonatable · 29/05/2015 10:18

I'm pretty new to this - I am now regarding you lot as a tough and yet glamorous veterans of a long war. It's a good image! Wink

OP posts:
Pixieauntbilly · 29/05/2015 11:55

exactly the response I expected from you lot
Because they like to label us as hopeless cases and are shit scared they might find out we were nice normal people just like them - while you don't know something it is very easy to remain safely in a thought of being superior and the object MUST BE INFERIOR
Rachelle Ferrier's photo.

Original poster
Desmoulinsonatable · 29/05/2015 12:21

Pixie - have you read the whole thread in chat? Nobody is being called inferior. Myths are being demolished yes, but they are alongside calls for the system to be reformed, for more openness in the family courts and a child centric view of proceedings. Is that not ok with you?

OP posts:
Pixieauntbilly · 29/05/2015 12:35

Too late for us. Hope for the future families but not holding my breath

wannaBe · 29/05/2015 12:56

This may not be the thread for this but I have to ask, did JH lose his seat in the election? please tell me he did....

I only saw the beginnings of the thread in chat so have no idea how it's gone. But of course parents will always say they have never abused their children.... and of course they're always right when they share their story in the dm while ss are powerless to tell the truth.

My dp grew up in long-term foster care after going through a series of children's homes etc before being placed in long-term care. He was never adopted but I don't know the reasons. I do however know of the abuse he suffered - which left him with a permanent visual impairment, and there is more which I am not at liberty to write about here as it is not my story to tell. Occasionally I see his biological mum pop up on statuses of other family members (he is not friends with her nor has he met up with her since) and she is all sweetness and light, butter wouldn't melt. I am aware that she tells the world she never harmed her children and that it was all her husband's fault. The fact that she had subsequent children in a different borough and was allowed to keep those gives weight to those claims. But knowing what I do I would say that the three children she was allowed to keep got a worse deal than the ones she wasn't (there were more than one) I'm sure if the dm had been around when dp was a baby they may have been happy to tell the story of the poor blind baby who lost his sight because of an accident and how the parents were being held responsible unfairly..... Hmm fortunately they didn't exist back then. But she had better hope she doesn't cross my path any time......

Tangerineandturquoise · 29/05/2015 21:42

well I think the thread has been derailed so we'll just wait for the next one.

Kewcumber · 29/05/2015 21:55

did JH lose his seat in the election? please tell me he did....

Oh indeedy he did Grin

Kewcumber · 29/05/2015 22:06

Pixie I have no idea who you are or what your story is. None at all, I only skim read the other thread as I've seen a whole pile just like it and don't have any more to say liar liar pants on fire

I wouldn't dream however of being rude to you solely because you seem to be a birth parent.

It's shame you can't afford me the same courtesy.

I'm no threat to you. If you read threads by adopters about birth parents, about the need for support for them, about how we think the system needs to be reformed etc etc. But you won't read that on general chat threads because they generally get hijacked by people with little or no personal experience of adoption but with a political axe to grind. When you are parenting a child with very real issues caused prior to the adoption, it's really very, very hard to maintain a dignified acceptance of birth parents pain without fighting back.

On the whole I think we manage it pretty well, but we can agree to differ on that if you like.

I would however like to respectfully point out that the adoption board is generally used as a place of support for all those in the adoption triangle and I for one would like to keep it that way. There was a time when it got so inflamed on here by people with a deliberate agenda to attack adoptive parents that many of us felt unable to post for support for a while - including me.

So whilst I can't make you do anything, I would ask you to keep the sniping at adoptive parents to the main thread or in chat somewhere.

Pixieauntbilly · 29/05/2015 22:33

Very easy for you to say this. The comments that suppose all birth parents only have themselves to blame is not fair. only some of you have suggested that sometimes there may be a miscarriage of justice and then it seems grudgingly. As for the sniping, there is a good few of you here that make me look like an amateur. some of it may be justifiable but I will always wonder what you wold be saying if the shoe was on the other foot. So as you say I will keep my 'sniping' for the chat and or start my own thread in future. My experiences to date are as valid as yours and for some to suggest we are just lairs and in some way in denial for the hurt birth parents have caused is unfair.
I am sure you all think social workers are saints and would never lie. Although you admit they do in relation to the story they tell you about any possible behaviour issues.
Judges too are not able to fully interpret the reports and if it were allowed I could demonstrate this.
I will leave you all to feel very satisfied with yourself with sending me on my way

Kewcumber · 29/05/2015 22:56

I'm not sure what you think was very easy for me to say.

But I do appreciate you keeping your comments on a thread that is relevant to them. No-one on this thread has made any comments about birth parents.

PeppermintCrayon · 29/05/2015 23:16

I'm sure miscarriages of justice happen. But I've never yet seen a case where SS have overreacted.

Italiangreyhound · 30/05/2015 00:39

Pixieauntbilly I am a mum to a birth daughter and a son who joined our family by adoption (I place these in this order as this is the order they happened in).

I have have just posted on the chat thread and I think I said about three times, 'where there are miscarriages of justice these should be investigated', or similar words. I don't think anyone is saying there are never miscarriages of justice. And I don't think adoptive parents are smug or self satisfied.

Often I think we are struggling alongside all other parents, parenting being very hard at times. I totally would love all children to be able to stay with their birth parents if they could receive the care they needed there.

I really hope you will find the help you need to do whatever you need to do in relation to your own situation.

As Kew says, this is a place of support, and we have birth parents who come here and speak to us and I am sure many of us find this incredibly helpful, I know I do.

But really we are not to blame for any glitches or faults in the system and we are not at all smug, many threads are actually asking for help and support, for guidance and advice. I have found this one of the most open and honest areas of Mumsnet.

I really wish you well with your own situation Pixieauntbilly. Thanks

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