Considering adoption

[darkgreenforest]

Hello, I am single and approaching an age where I realise I may not meet somebody in time to have a family.

Have been considering adoption. I am a primary school deputy headteacher so at least have some experience with children!

I do have a few reservations, however, and rather than explain what they are, I would greatly appreciate people telling me honestly how they found the process and how they find parenting post adoption. The reason I don't want to explain my reservations is because I've had my fingers burned here before but I know if you ask anywhere on the site you are instructed to come to "adoption" so I've decided to do that immediately.

Thanks.

I have a friend in a very similar position to yourself and I have counselled her to go down the sperm bank route rather than adopt. That's not because we have found the process too hard or anything like that but simply because she wants to have the experience of raising a young baby with no health risks or other concerns, and although nothing is certain when you get pregnant, I believe that having her own biological child is the surest way for her to achieve that. With the current adoption climate it could easily take at least 18 months from application to being matched, and there is a high chance that an adopted child will have additional needs that a BC would not have. We have chosen to go down the adoption route rather than have a second BC and from very early in the process it had been clear that this is a more complicated and risk prone route than us having another baby. That said, it is clearly a very worthwhile and potentially joyous way to make a family and there are countless numbers of happy families on here who have done just that. I think if you can accept a lot of unknowns about your future child/ren and are basically open about your life experiences and what has brought you to adopt, then you shouldn't find the process too arduous. We were approved last August and are still waiting for a match. The wait has definitely been the hardest bit of the process so far. I'm sure some other people who can comment on the parenting side will be along shortly. Good luck with your decision :-)

I have adopted as a single person and have one adopted child. I have a single friend who opted for sperm donation and had two children that way (separately). I think we are both happy with the way we did things - thankfully! There is no denying that the sperm donation route has given my friend the experience of pregnancy, birth, early bonding, and a moderate level of assurance that the children will not have severe additional needs (as far as can ever be known).

I knew this route was not for me, purely for personal reasons. I chose to adopt, and it's been very hard, but wonderful. It would be useful to know which part(s) of the process you'd like more info on?

Approval/prep - fairly straightforward, not that intrusive and generally kind, fairly efficient in terms of time.
Linking/matching - understandably more difficult, as you're waiting to be identified as the right future family for a child, and their needs can be complex to match. Also lots of variables in terms of what physical/emotional/psychological conditions you as an adopter have said you feel you can manage. Took about 6 months for me from approval to bringing child aged 2 home (about a year ago).
Post placement - wow. Very very tough to start with. Lots of good threads about that on this board, in terms of challenging behaviour, or struggles to bond, or plain exhaustion and confusion (or all three). Lots of my support network vanished into thin air (poof! where did they go??!) but other people stepped up and surprised me. SW support in early stages was very good. Therapeutic support was available and continues. Life is unrecognisable now to a year ago, and I have never done anything better than this. LO is amazing.