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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Just a rant really

16 replies

Desmoulinsonatable · 14/05/2015 16:12

Have been looking at the comments under the Independent article and the viciousness and hate fuelled tone of them has upset me somewhat. Makes me feel like I am doing something wrong and abhorrent! Garghhh! Confused

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MyPreciousRing · 14/05/2015 20:04

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Desmoulinsonatable · 15/05/2015 09:12

Thank you! Much calmer now. Just needed to let off steam about the misconceptions.

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researchbookworm · 15/05/2015 17:42

I completely agree - just went on to the independent's website to see for myself and can't believe the level of ignorance and hatefulness on there. It is really depressing to think that so many people feel that way. I'm sure that most families must be absolutely devastated when a child is removed but from what I've seen of the process so far I completely believe that this doesn't happen without good cause. Like any massive organisation there must be occasional errors but the majority of cases are totally for the child's safety and are a necessary step. Also, from what I've read in the various CPRs we've seen, Social Services really don't leave any stone unturned in checking out other possible family members, so the children that actually end up being adopted via SS truly don't have any other place to turn other than a permanent and potentially unstable life in foster care.

I think it is a sad thing, but there are probably a lot of extended family members that feel that they could have offered the adopted child a home, but where ignorance/lack of education/poor upbringing etc. means that they really cannot understand why they are not felt to be suitable carers for that child in the long term. As a prospective adopter I guess I'm always going to be on the side that believes that adoption is the right path for certain children, but when you read some of the vitriol that the anti-forced-adoption gang trot out it really makes you feel sick to your stomach.

Apart from anything else, I have researched adoption statistics extensively and the ones that they are quoting are absolute rubbish. They clearly have no real understanding of the process and it really annoys me that they are just repeating and inflating uninformed views without any reference to actual facts or data.

Sorry - this has turned into a bit of a rant of my own! I kind of wanted to say all this on the independent's website but couldn't be bothered to sign up for an account! I guess ultimately only we adoptive families, the SWs, the courts, and the child's birth family really know the background of why a specific child ends up in care and is subsequently adopted. As long as all of those people are satisfied that that particular child needed that intervention in their life, and that you are the right family to give them a second chance, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They can all go and stew in their unpleasant internet chat rooms and you can get on with your happy family life :-)

MyPreciousRing · 15/05/2015 18:45

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Desmoulinsonatable · 15/05/2015 20:54

Bravo Bookworm eloquent and exactly how I am feeling too. I think I just become worried that these views might bleed into the mainstream and make the lives of adopted children and their parents even more challenging. You are right though, head down but chin up (which sounds uncomfortable) and onwards with the journey with all its pitfalls and wonders! Smile

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Devora · 15/05/2015 21:20

Ooh, what article? I tried googling but didn't find anything.

MyPreciousRing · 15/05/2015 21:52

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MyPreciousRing · 15/05/2015 21:55

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MrsDeVere · 15/05/2015 22:08

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Devora · 15/05/2015 22:22

Yep, what MrsDV said.

MyPreciousRing · 15/05/2015 22:28

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Desmoulinsonatable · 15/05/2015 22:36

Thank you Mrs DV very wise words.

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Velvet1973 · 16/05/2015 07:46

I think also going on from MrsDV's excellent summary is that for many of these families they are "normal" it's how they were parented, their friends and family parent etc so they truly don't know it's wrong. We learn by example and if the only example we've ever known us poor how do we know any different, it's everyone else that aren't normal if that makes sense! I always liken it to the "big fat gypsy" programs, we're appalled by the way of life often but to their community it's us that are wrong not them.

fasparent · 16/05/2015 19:11

How wrong Velvet we lived with Traveller's for some years, our 1st home and baby, they looked after us well, when hubby was working nights and away for months on end. he did deliver a few of their baby's on the way though, and bought a car with no engine big joke and a lesson.
Happy day's !!

Velvet1973 · 16/05/2015 20:05

I'm not sure that came across as it was intended too Fasparent. I was trying to say that on the program's it shows you things like these enormous dresses that most outside the travelling community think are awful but to them that's their normal. Things like the "grabbing" traditions and the really young girls in full make up with nails done etc. it's completely opposite to our way of life but to them it's normal we're the ones who are strange.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 16/05/2015 22:27

Ah, MrsDV is spot on as ever!

The other thing that annoys me is that I have yet to see a viable alternative to "forced adoption", because for me long term foster care isn't it

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