Letter box contact

[Bringonthesunshineplease]

Just looking for the norm. We are about to agree letter box contract with BF and I would like to get an idea of how many letters most families send to birth family a year. Thanks

Once or twice per year with birth parents/grandparents is the norm, any more than that is unusual, but then again it's totally dependent on the individual situation. Up to 3 can be very normal for sibling contact (especially if the siblings are also adopted, not so likely if the siblings still live with their birth family). As Ring said, with or without photographs (or anything else eg. a drawing from the child), either is common - or was common, the tendency now is for no photographs

I'm glad I came across this post.
I have wondered this very same thing.
I am going through an adoption thing at the moment and I'm not sure about how the letter box contact works either.

Once a year with photos is my agreement, but the photos is unusual.

Twice a year no photos for DC1, once a year for the other with photos to be viewed at the office not taken away. This isn't an unusual compromise over photos now because of concerns that birth families may put them on social media.

Ours specifies that any letter box contact must avoid times such as Christmas and birthdays too. Is that something others have found to be the norm?

Been meaning to ask our SW about sharing photos, it hasn't been mentioned so far.

Yeah, neutral time frames is recommended. Especially for LO, no back to /starting school times, no exam times etc.. No celebration times. It makes sense. There's enough emotion for them to cope with at these times. Also for birth family it is kinder.

Our DD's SW suggested letterbox to be precisely around DD's birthday - I think she said BM to write a month before birthday, us to reply a month after birthday. But at the end of the day it will be the letterbox coordinator, rather than the SW, to set it up so we are hoping to avoid that in the end. We would have been happy with more frequent letterbox but BM chose to have only one/year.

Our SW said 'absolutely no photos these days' apparently they have been advised by the courts to stop all photos. Although in our case the risk is minimal and I would really quite like to be able to provide BM with photos.

Twice a year letterbox in both directions. No photos as evidence to show there is a likely social media risk. In addition to letters, siblings also to receive birthday and christmas cards.

Thanks all. We've been asked if we will do 4 per year which I did think was a lot so shall be negotiating :-). Really helpful!

We do twice a year, including photos. Birthday and Christmas cards get sent with the contact and we hold them until the occasion. We have gone for avoiding birthdays, Christmas and exams too.

Fenton Works like this:

You write a letter and send to SS.
They copy it for files, vet it and pass it on to the BF.
BF do or don't bother to respond, sending reply to SS.
SS vet and copy, and send back to you.

Children can include letter or drawing, but contact is officially between APs and BPs, not the children.

(Or BF write first and you reply. I think it's better for you to write first as you are more likely to be organised than the BF).

If needed BPs can get help writing their letter from SS.

We stick to a formula for our contacts. No longer than 1 page A4 typed (we do change the font size sometimes). Same number of photos each time, taken at tourist spot or non identifiable location. has worked well for 8 years now.

NB make sure you include how BF sign themselves eg Mummy or Mummy X or just X. Similarly can cards they send be 'To my lovely Son' or just generic ones.

4 per year is way too many!
You will always be writing or waiting or receiving one.
No way would I agree to that!