Do other people's attitudes upset you?

[dignitywhentripping]

You know the ones, that imply they don't see your children as 'yours.'

Should be immune to it I know :)

It doesn't upset me really, I really see it as there issue. If they are amicable to polite engagement (in other words... willing to listen!) I would chat about it but if they are not I would ignore. It really is there problem.

Do you want to say what happened?

Yes, very much. 7 weeks into placement so early days for us but already so hurt at the contrast between the flowers, cards, gifts, fuss over arrival of birth daughter compared to very little acknowledgement for AD.
Friends of my husbands who have had babies recently who we sent gifts for who haven't even sent a card.

Yes I'm hurt for her, because I want her to have everything that my BD had.

Yes had a range of responses here. A lovely baby shower when I left work, but others haven't even acknowledged ds. I sent a sort of mini birth announcement photo with Christmas cards to friends who live far away - not one response. Not even an email. That upset me but when one of my dm's friends suggested that we could 'just give him back' yesterday I almost laughed at the sheer ignorance!

Yes, it does upset me - mostly when it's done in full hearing of my children.

Early on, yes - probably partly because he didn't feel like "mine" to me either!

Then it wore off a bit , and now that DS (9) is much more aware of others attitudes it does irritate me again.

But I handle it better now because I'm less threatened by it personally. I was very lucky that I had many RL friends who were on MN who gave/sent me lovely stuff for DS and I don't have another so I can't say I felt mistreated on that score.

slkk - I sent my father a simlar card when I was going to pick DS up and bring him home. Didn;t hear from him for another 2 years after that - I don;t think I will ever forgive/forget even though I have moved past it and facilitate a relationship between them now.

Your father, Kew? Wow, that's shocking. I would never get past that either.

I think a lot of it is ignorance, people don't know what to say or do, so do nothing.
TBH I was more shocked of people's reactions when my father died suddenly than when we adopted our girls.
Work colleagues were very kind, they had been on a long journey with us and we're very pleased for us.

Just horrible stuff about being pleased DC isn't s blood relation as they aren't pretty.

That's awful, dignity! How dare they? I think that would always upset me. How did you respond?

dignitywhentripping really someone said that to you? I would seriously make them realise how offensive that was.

One friend insulted my baby when she was little and I must admit it did dent our friendship. So f...ing thoughtless. I think it is only fair to let them know how hurtful that is.

Gosh, that's almost a full house on offensiveness bingo!
How did you not slap them?!

I can't believe in this day and age that people say such horrible things but i am still asked if I have ever felt like tracing my real mum.
This breaks my heart as I had a real mum who along with dad went through so much to have me.
I would give anything to spend a minute with her now and miss her and dad so much.
Why can't people see that just because you are adopted it doesn't mean you don't have loving parents.
Most people can have children, many parents aren't terrifically good.
Adoptive parents are real parents in every sense.
I'm sure your dc will feel as strongly about this when they are older as I'm sure people will still be saying it.
to all you brilliant parents

Morethanpotatoprints that is SO lovely I almost cried. Thank you for your lovely words, I'm sad you miss your parents x

morethanpotatoprints, what a sad and lovely post. Thank you.