Childcare for Adopted DCs?

[selly24]

What kinds of childcare have those who adopted used? How long did you take off work to spend with DCs post adoption, how did you go about choosing childcare? Has anyone had a Nanny? In all settings, what was the settling in procedure? What worked?

Brace yourself, you may get a flaming for even asking the childcare question but it's a perfectly natural one to ask IMO.

how long to take off? 12 months is normally required by the LA placing the child. The expectation is that you'll need most if not all of that time to start to build the bond with your child. That's not to say you might not use short sessions of childcare, but most of the time it's about the two of you. Intense, draining and terrifying as that is! But necessary, in my one-time experience.

How to choose childcare? Wait and get to know what your child needs, really! Some will prefer a homey atmosphere and a childminder; some will need a nursery to thrive because of other needs. It's massively variable.

Nanny? I wouldn't, personally. Mainly because I want LO to be building their bond with me, not anyone else, and for my LO it would be too confusing. Also many adopted children have a deep need for consistency, and I would feel wary of pinning all my hopes on someone who might leave.

Settling in - slowly, slowly, slowly. Find a nursery (or whatever )that is relaxed about you spending a lot of time there, because gradually and slowly was what worked for us. I suspect it took us four or five times as long to get settled as a birth child might, but it was really worth it.

You will be told that some adopted children won't be able to cope with childcare. This is absolutely true. Depending on their history, and their particular needs, it might be too much change for them. It's impossible to predict whether this will be the case, but you do need to know that it might.

Good luck with your questions - this board is good for those!

I went back to work part time after 8.5 months. My husband worked one day a week from home but we did go down the nanny route - although it is very expensive and I think we were lucky to be able to afford it.
For me, it was about keeping my DS with as much of the same surroundings as he had before. I didn't like the idea of a nursery full time and might have considered a child minder if a good one had been recommended - but I was worried that he wouldn't be surrounded by familiar things (and also we needed cover when me or DH was working from home).

I think it depends on each child and what is available to you and your budget. For us, our nanny has been brilliant (it's also meant that when I come home, I am not stressed because I don't have that mad dash to get to a nursery before closing). We are also going to keep her on for a while for when he starts school so he has continuity.

But I also think I am lucky because I have a flexible job and understanding boss - which means I frequently do his nursery school drop off, go to swimming lessons etc (and then work later in the evening when he is in bed).

I went back to work (part time) after 9 months. DD goes to nursery and absolutely loves it - she's a very active sociable little thing and it suits her. I also liked the fact that if a member of staff left, even if it was her keyworker, so much else would remain the same (setting, routine, other staff) that it wouldn't be too much of an issue. Different things suit different children and different families - it's great that there are so many options.

Thanks so much for the replies so far. Really appreciate you sharing you experience!

I went back part time after 5 months and after 7 months was doing 4 days a week. In hindsight it was too much too soon. I'm sorry I didn't ramp up more slowly so I could avoid childcare and just relied on my mum for a couple of days instead.

I used a childminder who was recommended to me and she liked babies and was quite happy for DS to sit on her lap endlessly if he needed to. I would never have used a nursery as DS came from an institutional setting and it felt very similar and I wanted him to get used to "family" life.

I agree that it really depends on a child and also how old they are and what they're used to before so very hard to plan in advance.

I took a year off work, then delayed my return by a further two months to settle my daughter into a nursery.
I wasn't keen on home based childcare for a few reasons; with a childminder I felt that all her attachment would be with one person there, who she would leave on school entry, and that being in someone else's home for long periods of time might remind her of foster care.
I did consider a nanny but was concerned that, if they left for whatever reason, that would be yet another loss in my child's life.
So I chose an excellent nursery and went back part time working thee days a week.
My reasons for that choice were- more distributed attachment across a few key workers which I felt would be healthier, and, from a practical pov, I wouldn't have to worry about covering a childminders sickness or annual leave.
My daughter loves it there and I am very glad I made the choice that I did.

I took 1 year off then returned part time. However, my son started nursery only four months in. Started at two mornings but it soon became two and a half days as he was ready.

See www.first4Adoption.org.uk regards free child care and pupil premium
for Adopted children of nursery age.

I was off for eight months then DD had a mixture of nursery and family care. She needed the interaction with other children that comes from a nursery, so it was definitely the right thing for her.