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Original poster

Upset. Frustrated.

20 replies

SBRMum · 11/04/2015 06:32

15 Dec shown child and confirmed we were interested
16 Jan linked with child
7 April matching panel
No date for placement planning meeting yet
No date for introductions yet
Wait wait wait. SW hold all the cards so we don't feel able to complain.

Is it me or is this slow...? If it's all about the right thing for the child...WHY??????

OP posts:
Hels20 · 11/04/2015 06:52

That seems strange to go to panel with no date for introductions. How old is the child? Just wondering if it has something to do with school. What does your SW say?

Kazza299 · 11/04/2015 07:01

We went to matching panel 2 months before introductions but we did at least know that. Must be awful for you x x x

Tokoloshe · 11/04/2015 07:31

Not sure as I was respite carer so child specific approval. Loads of experienced adopters on adopterssupport.freeforums.net who may be able to advise.

Take care

bberry · 11/04/2015 07:50

Gosh... 3 month wait fir matching then no intro dates... That sounds very hard...

Have you asked your sw about dates? What do they say?

Surely you need time to notify work etc?

We had our planning meeting on the morning of the first intro day I think, or maybe just the day before but ours were pre schoolers...

UnidentifiedSighingObject · 11/04/2015 08:18

So, matching panel was successful? If so, you should get the ADM approval of the match within 14 working days (I think...) and sometimes SW's are wary of setting up dates for the planning meeting and intros until they have that final approval. Nothing to stop them pencilling in dates though! And definitely not unreasonable to press them to do that because as soon as that ADM approved matching cert is through, you are entitled to take your adoption leave and your employer needs to know the plan. As of course do you and your family!

Like others, our planning meeting was in the morning and Intros started that afternoon, but so much depends on the age and situation of the child(ren). So after months of waiting, suddenly it was 100 mph.

It is a heck of a lot of waiting, but hold on, you are SO close now - nearly there! Flowers Congratulations on being matched.

Velvet1973 · 11/04/2015 10:09

Geez I'd be furious! This is exactly the sort of thing that is wrong with the system. The priority should be moving children as quickly as possible to their forever families not racing adooters through the approval process.
4 months from linking to placement is totally unacceptable and I would be on their case for answers unless as someone previously mentioned there is a legitimate reason for delay.

iwishkidslikedtomatoes · 11/04/2015 13:25

The time to matching panel seems too long but 3 days post panel for the other dates isn't. IF IT WERE ME I would personally send a friendly email, not asking for the dates, but asking for the date by which you will be given the dates, as they might not know them yet and you may get 'we'll be in contact when we know' and you're still all up in the air not knowing.
If you say your employers are asking questions and you need to give answers or at least when they can expect to have answers that could help.

It is frustrating but soon it will all be worth it......You're soooooo close!!

iwishkidslikedtomatoes · 11/04/2015 13:31

AND Congratulations! Thanks Smile

Chev123 · 11/04/2015 14:03

I've got matching panel in two weeks and child's social worker has sent me planning meeting times and included in the report for panel was a basic plan for intros. I'd certainly chase it up. It seems very poor planning from social workers. All times for meetings have been done by child's social worker so they may be the one worth chasing although personally I'd chase everyone until I got an answer! Good luck and congratulations! X

Maiyakat · 11/04/2015 14:42

This really isn't acceptable. I can understand that you need a longer gap between panel and intros for some children, as they can't be told about adoptive parents until after panel and some will need longer to get used to the idea. But that doesn't mean dates can't be planned now! I had 9 days between panel and intros, had all the dates before panel, and got the ADM letter the day before DD moved in. I would be on to SW first thing Monday, blame work for being pushy if need be! Good luck x

blossom101001 · 11/04/2015 18:15

We had to wait for the ADM approval before we received the info about placement dates etc.

Italiangreyhound · 12/04/2015 16:14

That does seem quite a long time frame.

Ours was similar, but slightly shorter, we heard about ds in January (last year), had the meeting and confirmed we were interested, but did not go to matching panel until April as no free spaces! But after matching panel it was all through quickly, we met about 2 weeks later.

I don't think it is complaining to ask when things will happen.

Just use your words wisely, making it clear you are keen and eager etc. I wouldn't call into question whether things are being done in the best interests of the child etc. I know you are not doing that to them, you are saying that here in a safe space and that is fine. I am just saying, there might be all kinds of factors that could influence things and so although it is fine to ask and to know why you may not be able to influence the speed at all. Just a few thoughts. All the very best.

JudysMummy1972 · 13/04/2015 09:20

She is 11 months old

JudysMummy1972 · 13/04/2015 09:27

Thank for your replies, which all pretty much vindicate what I feel about it. We were starting to wonder if it was just us being awkward.
Normally, in any other situation, I'd kick off and make myself really known. BUT with this we don't want to rock the boat and, God forbid, make things go slower!
The FC looking after our girl doesn't understand the system at all. She s fabulous, and thank God I am in touch with her on WhatsApp or I'd have gone mental, but it's still depressing.
Our SW doesn't work on Mondays (!!) so we won't hear today.
It's supposed to be all about the children but if it is, why isn't our girl living with us already?! They knew as soon as the bio-Mum got pregnant that she'd be taken into care. She's been with the FC from 4 days old and there have been no hold ups....apart from bio-Dad asking to be considered and that was a quick 'no'.
How does one complain about this and get it sped up!?

JudysMummy1972 · 13/04/2015 09:42

Just sent an email asking for dates. Thanks for the advice all. Our SWs have been pretty useless. Can't organise the proverbial in a brewery.

JudysMummy1972 · 13/04/2015 10:54

Finally got a message! Start intros on 28 April. :-)

iwishkidslikedtomatoes · 13/04/2015 11:33

And the countdown can begin! Grin

Enjoy your last few nights out now lol

Soooo exciting!!!

JudysMummy1972 · 13/04/2015 11:49

thank you. x :-)

Italiangreyhound · 13/04/2015 20:44

Great, lad you are starting intros later this month. That is a bit longer than our experience but only by a month or so.

I know that things are going well now so hope you will not feel the need to complain. I really don't think it helps in adoption circles. I know it seems unfair but that was the advice I was given by someone wiser than me. Of course if you experience ill treatment or prejudice etc but if it is just slow practice or delays etc, then I am not sure that complaining helps and as you have guessed, it may hinder.

Maiyakat · 13/04/2015 20:54

Great news! My DD was 11 months when she came to me, 2 years later she's busy bossing me around Grin

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