First party with DS

[Potatoaddict]

Hi, our DS (3) who we've had 6 months has been invited to a 4th birthday party with a new friend from nursery - this is just an amazing thing in itself. However not having any older children and never having been to a child's party before I have no idea what to expect, it's at a gym thing. Do I stay? What do I spend on a present?
I feel really silly asking non adopty people about this as they've just given me weird looks and then not given me anything useful. I don't think they get how exciting this is for us and how big a deal it is for us and our DS who hasn't been to a "big boy party" before.
Hope that makes sense, any advice on how to get through it would be great.
Thanks.

Aww, I hope he has a lovely time. Yes, you definitely stay with 3 year olds. These days most children don't seem to be left at parties until they're 7 or 8!

I would say £5 on a present is fairly standard. I personally would never spend more than that.

I was so excited to receive our first invitation so completely understand. Yes definitely stay - some of these places are quite chaotic and it can get a bit much - the ones we tend to get invited to are small with exclusive use which is much better for our DD.

I tend to spend about £5-£6 on a present. I bought a bit in the sainsburys toy sale last year and store it for birthdays.

Another thing I tend to do at parties is to sit DD away from the birthday child when they're eating - all the cameras are on them for blowing out candles - then the photos often on facebook.

Yes, staying will be normal

I usually ask the parent if there's anything the birthday boy is particularly into and try to get a present vaguely along these lines. £5-10 is normal budget - The Entertainer has great bargains and does gift receipts too

If it's a two hour party, the usual format is something like

10 mins - arriving, name stickers given out etc
50 mins - activity
30 mins - food
30 mins - free play

I've left parties soon after the food before, so if it does get a bit much for LO, don't feel you have to stay for the duration

Oh, and firmly Sellotape a card with the birthday boy's name on it onto the present - not doing this seems to be the main indicator of a novice kids party attendee

Yes definitely stay. Present £5-£10 perfect. If you have the chance Id text birthday parent to accept invite and ask if there's anything birthday boy would especially like. If lucky you will get 'well please don't feel obliged but he is really into superman/ peppa pig/ frozen/ trains ...'
Also, don't panic if the party isn't the easiest thing in the world for your new DS. They can be very overwhelming and scary experiences and that's just for the parents. Be there for him, let him take it at his pace and don't worry if he isn't conforming or joining in the games. He won't be the first or the last!

Lastly pack the gin and paracetamol for later. Enjoy!

I'm a non adopty people.but happy to help

yes at that age you'd usually stay, I only started leaving DS at parties when he was about 6. it's a nice opportunity to chat and get to know your child's friends parents.

the norm here seems to be £5-10 on a gift.

Hope you both have a great time.

Thank you for all the replies, you've put my mind at ease - I wanted to stay to ensure he's alright, so pleased that's the norm.
I'm getting excited about meeting parents now, it's never easy at drop off / pick up time at nursery!

I'm with Threesocks - parties can be challenging for DD, who is also 3 so going to a fair few 4th birthdays from nursery. She is still figuring out what they're all about, how they work, and whether or not she can relax a bit and enjoy them. Not unreasonable when the whole celebrating a birthday thing is new to her.

We've been to one particularly good one - lots of different activities to do, including noisy and quiet ones, all running together so kids could choose when they wanted a calmer ten minutes. We've also been to one particularly bad one (for us) - hall was very dark inside as curtains shut, noisy as there was DJ booming away, and DD was swiftly disoriented and scared. When she didn't settle after 30 mins of handholding, I made very discreet excuses and we came away. No point pushing her beyond what she can handle!

I am also apparently mean on present spend - I'd go up to £5 but not more for this age and stretch the fiver as far as possible by shopping at The Works etc, where you can get nice books and craft things for that amount.

Agree with all the others - between £5-£10 on a present & definitely tightly attach the card as otherwise it'll get detached & the birthday child won't know who it's from.

Don't be surprised if your DC doesn't want to join in - at 4, all my boys just wanted to sit on my knee & watch. I used to worry & try to force them to join in but even when on my knee, afterwards they always said they had a great time.

Enjoy your party - hope it goes well.

If it's at a gym, it may be a soft play? Look on the gym's website and it should show the party packages they offer.

You will probably end up sitting on a bench, with a cup of tea of you are lucky. The children play and do the activity for 45 mins to an hour. Then party tea/lunch, cake and party bags.

My eldest (not adopted) hated entertainers, and spent several parties sitting on my lap. Never a problem at all - if it gets too much, just pop outside.

Yes to taping the card to the present. so much easier to write thank you cards later. £5 -10 for a present.

Have fun.

My DS2 is horrendously fussy and really not keen on generic 'party foods'. It seems quite poor form to leave the table before the birthday boy / girl so I've started taking a small stash of acceptable foods to parties with us. Just something like a banana, bread sticks, slice of cheese but enough that he will sit up at the table a bit longer while he eats them.

Also he often finds some of the organised parties with an mc type / DJ much too loud and a couple of games on my phone on my lap with headphones in let him gradually get used to the noise levels without it being too noticeable.

But congratulations on his invite and I hope he has a fantastic time! And that you have a not too dull or awkward time!

Oh and also, be prepared for your DC to be horribly tired and grumpy after a party. The combination of unusual food, lots of sugar, lots of activity and stimulation and the feeling that its a BIG deal always sends all of mine crazy and then very over-stimulated and tearful afterwards. We always plan a quiet afternoon and nap / early bed afterwards.

You've had tons of advice so this may be duplicated!

Our adopted ds (4) has just been to the first party aside his own 4th birthday party! We also have a dd (10).

-Yes, stay, until they are 6, or 7, or until they are happy for you not to.

-Talk about it before-hand so he knows what to expect... it will almost certainly be an hour of soft play followed by party food, a cake, singing happy birthday, NOT blowing out the candles as that is the birthday boy or girl's job, possibly arty game (mine cried because he did not win!), might be worth saying if there is a game he might not win, but many parties these days do not have games so maybe cross that bridge if it appears!

• Take spare clothes if you would normally (I would for that age, nice clothes similar to what he is wearing so if there is a mishap no one will notice, especially important if this is themed and he goes in fancy dress! Light cool clothes! My poor son went to soft play in a long-sleeved top! Rookie mistake and I have been a mum 10 years!

• Present I would pay between 5 and 10 pounds and I would ask for ideas from the mum or dad, usually just dinosaurs/cars/trains/books/craft etc

• As someone said, get that card stuck on that gift good and proper because often kids get all the gifts and open them away from mum and dad and who knows who gave what! Not that it matters to the child but the parents sometimes like to know!

Enjoy (and take a book or something good to read if you wish to, not all the parents will be chatting to each other - I mean start out ready to chat but many will end up staring at their phones while the kids play!)

party not arty!

and one of... dinosaurs/cars/trains/books/craft etc... not all!

Only thing I can add to the good advice already is that my kids have an issue with buffets. They are getting better now but at first they would try to eat until there was nothing left. At the first party they went to I had to physically drag one them away from the food. Last time I was prepared with a distraction to entice them away from all the leftover party food once they'd eaten enough.

Oh and an early night the night before party, for both of you!

And if they are new to all this do remind him the present is for the child and is the child's to open etc!

Orchard toys are great little presents. We love the shopping list game

Thanks, feeling a bit more prepared but have what may be a really silly question!
Would you expect the child to write the card? DS has only just learnt to write his name and finds cards stressful, do children / parents really care if DS has written it himself? (I have been doing rubbish forgeries for relatives cards who have expressed an over keenness (not sure that's a word) for his name in cards).
Thanks again for all the great advice.

I have nothing to add apart from Home Bargains can be fab for party presents.

I hope he has a wonderful time!

You write the card, he adds the kisses or smiley faces.

Age 3 I would put no pressure on whatsoever about the writing of cards. if he wants to add a scribble/kisses/attempt at his name good for him - if not, no hassle! The cards and gifts will all be a bit of a blur to the birthday child anyway.

So how was the party?