Flighty Toddler - Anxiety

[aktht]

I'm running out of ideas here. She has settled well, comes to us when hurt, greets us, cuddles, some kisses, genuine happiness (we can see it in her eyes!) Sorry, I need to do the list to make me feel better.

But, she is very flighty at times and I know it is anxiety based but what can we do. We are at home playing, all is good and then about 2 hours in to the day she goes flighty and the anxiety kicks in. There is no obvious trigger. At this point we normally leave the house and go for a walk. If we have to stay in for some reason all hell seems to break loose and the crying and running doesn't end until nap time. How can I help her with this? We do quiet breathing activities and have down time I try to prempt it but it doesn't work, the only thing that works is a change of scennary. I feel like I am treating the symptoms not the cause. Any ideas?

On the plus side our sibbling rivalry issues seem to be getting better. Thank you Italian for the tip about turn taking not sharing that you mentioned in a previous post.

Do you talk through your day? We go through what's going to happen that day at breakfast, then again after lunch. It seems to reduce DD's anxiety as she knows what to expect.

We always make sure to include that we'll be eating and also that we'll come back home because we all live there.

DD probably doesn't need it as much as she did, but there was a time that it really seemed necessary.

Otherwise, I really think so much is just time and consistency.

So sorry you are going through this and I don't have any very helpful advice as DS was never really like this.

However, I have found the following good for his general anxiety - touch and massage.

When DS first come to us, he would go off in to huge anxiety tantrums (or maybe they were just tantrums) and I found that if I could just cuddle him for a bit (which I know you have been doing) then I would start doing "This little piggy went to market," etc on his toes. He would sometimes (not always) calm down. But then he started to actively ask for it and now when he is going to bed, he ALWAYS asks for it or asks me to rub his back. This got me thinking....

My reflexologist (someone very experienced who has done a lot of courses on baby massage etc and who is more a friend) suggested a book about "Story Massage" to me. There are 10 simple, strokes to learn - and I have found it brilliant on my son - and use it when I can see that his behaviour is beginning to deteriorate or he is tired but refusing to go to bed. The idea is that you take a simple story, or nursery rhyme and then do the actions on their back. Your story can be 1 minute or 5 minutes - and you can obviously run all the stories together. My son loves it.

Anyway - as I said - I haven't really experienced the same as you but thought I would share with you something I do in case you think it might have some effect on your LO. My DS was 2.5 when he came to us and is now nearly 4.

If you want the name of the book, PM me.

Good luck.

We have a picture calendar on the wall, where we Velcro on pictures showing what we will do that day together - not a lot of variety but LO (3) seems to find it comforting to stick them up, and go back and check through the day. So the pictures might be home-library-snack-home-lunch for the morning, for example.

I don't know how old your DD is, but if my LO's anxiety is high all day, then I have tried the rescue remedy chewy stars (suitable for over age 2) occasionally. We both have one and maybe it just helps us both take a minute, but it can sometimes break the cycle...

How old is your DD and how long has she been with you?

Why are you sure it's anxiety based?

DS is an anxious child and also needed to get out every day but I'm not at all sure that the two are/were linked. He just not a child that can sit around for long and really needed a change of scene and a run about every day. Having only one it was a revelation to me some years later that some children will quite happily stay at home all day - I thought they were all like DS!

On the other hand if it is anxiety based then having a run around will reduce her anxiety by using up some of that adrenaline so I wouldn't worry about it being the wrong thing to do. Massage/touching may work though for DS full on massage when he's anxious just isn't possible but certainly a physical connection does help.

Depending on how old she is, starting to give her names for her emotions might help going forward. It's much easier to help a child who can name how they feel. One good way is to watch TV with her and ask her what she thinks different characters are feeling - start with he simple emotions - happy sad and move when she's older to anxious, ashamed, humiliated etc

She may be a little young, but I have found these books useful with children with anxiety and/or attachment issues.

Two things that can help children with anxiety are knowing what's going to happen in advance and proprioceptive feedback.

The first is a bit of a challenge for such a small child but a visual timetable could help. You use pictures to represent the day's activities and put them in order of what is happening that day, e.g. breakfast, play with toys, walk to the park, lunch, nap, shopping,....etc. You can show her during each activity what will be happening next.

Proprioceptive feedback is basically about giving children strong sensations through their joints so walking and running can help but so can carrying or pushing heavy objects, using weighted pads or blankets, being wrapped up tightly in things like rugs and blankets, rough and tumble play or bouncing on a trampoline. There are lots of other ways but those are the things I can think of off the top of my head. For some reason, this type of experience or activity can make an enormous difference to children's anxiety, especially if you plan it in a regular routine to stop the anxiety building rather than just using them once the anxiety has become too much.

There are probably lots of other things you can do to help her too. I hope you find something that helps soon.