First Post on Mums Net - I want to adopt

[jkgliygt55]

Hello!!

My name is Anna and I am 26 and my partner is 32. We both work full time and I have no children but my partner has one from a previous relationship 8 years ago but the mother will not allow contact (this at the moment is not the issue)

We want to adopt. I have no interest in having my own biological children, the thought of being pregnant gives me anxiety attacks and I just can't do it but I would love more than anything to adopt

I start university in September and feel that after my degree we will both be in the best postion financially to give a home to a child.

I have done so much reading but I do have a few questions.

1. Do you think I should wait to start the process in my second year to allow for a possible 2 year process?
2. Is there an allowance that I would want for my degree to finish before we could take a child?
3. Will it be a problem that I don't want biological children?
4. Will it be a problem that my partner has no contact with his child but has always paid maintainance?

Thank you to any information.

It's hard to advise without knowing you or your desire for a child. I hope those that have went through the process give you info. I know that I talked about it once with a social worker I worked with as I wasn't sure I wanted my daughter to be an only child and she surprised me by saying.... what does the adopted child stand to gain? Is it for them?or your daughter? I didn't do anything further.... but if it is something you desire and you could truly help a child... contact social services and start investigating. Good luck x

Under the new assessment process it takes 6 months to get you approved to adopt, it's the matching that can take a lot longer. To be honest they may likely ask you to come back to them once your degree is finished as they will want to assess impact of your life on your ability to be adoptive parents then and not now. There are many adopters waiting for children right now and you're young in adoption terms so they'll likely be quite happy to have you wait until a better time for assessment but ask them, it won't do you any harm to ask and each LA is different :) As for your other concerns, I can't help too much, a phone call now to SS may help you get the answers you need as everything is on case by case basis really and if they do make you wait there could be things you could do to prep now that would prevent delays later.

There is bound to be someone on here who was studying when they were deciding when to start process, who'll be able to give more experienced advice, although bear in mind new system only been in place for couple of years so you'll need someone who was studying and under new process due to its quicker approval time.

Hello!
These are my personal thoughts having just been through the process but not yet adopted.

1. Do you think I should wait to start the process in my second year to allow for a possible 2 year process?

The process of approval won't take two years, a straightforward process will take around 9 months. After that it's anyone's guess. It took us 7 months from initial call to approval panel.

1. Is there an allowance that I would want for my degree to finish before we could take a child?

I'm not really sure what you mean by this but if you mean having a gap between your degree finishing and having a child then I don't think it matters. If you are emotionally ready and your time and energy is available for the approval process and subsequent placement then I'm sure it will be fine. We haven't even had a link yet but I would imagine that once a child is placed everything else stops so you may want a break to recover from one before you embark on the other!

1. Will it be a problem that I don't want biological children?

It's a response that used to drive me bonkers but one I suspect you will get from a SW-you are 'young'. They will want to explore in depth your reasons for not wanting a biological child. People change over time and they may want to really drill down as to why you don't want a child by birth in case you get half way through and decide to get pregnant. They would also want to make sure you both were behind adoption, not just one of you.

1. Will it be a problem that my partner has no contact with his child but has always paid maintenance?

Again, they would want to know why. From their perspective they have to know that whatever happens to you as a couple in the future, you will BOTH put little one first. Your DP pays maintenance but that is not being a father to a child. If you adopt you will adopt a child who has suffered an unimaginable loss. The SW will want to ensure as much as possible that there will be minimal future loss to any child they place so my guess is they will want to know why he pays maintenance but does not have contact.

Everyone's circumstances are so different, best thing to do is maybe give an agency or LA a call and gather their advice. It's a very personal, in depth approval process and can be/is very demanding. It might be very draining to be going through a degree and coping with the process itself.

Be aware also that at the moment the number of adopters to children is huge and adopters are waiting longer than in previous years for a child., The adverts scream out for adopters but actually, there's a lot of red tape to get through before a child can be placed and this part of the process can be slow, particularly if you want a young baby with a relatively low level of need.

Have just re-read that you're in full time employment AND studying and that you anticipate to be better off financially. Is that because you intend to change jobs, or degree will allow for promotion? or because you won't have student fees. The latter will mean post degree you're life will be similar to now so a bit more assessable if you get what I mean which may mean they'd be more willing to start process with you now. However, as a person who has worked full time while studying for a degree in past, I don't think I would have wanted to undertake assessment process at same time...that's a lot!

Big questions! Some generalised answers to start with:

1. While there's no definitive answer to "how long will it take", the assessment process has broadly been streamlined and takes 6-9 months ish. It's anyone's guess how long it would then take to be matched with a child, but it's theoretically possible that you could be matched quickly, so I wouldn't bank on a two year window. It depends on so many variables, and your best option is probably to give a few local adoption agencies a call and chat about how long it is tending to take at the moment.
2. Not sure I understand this one - do you mean you'd want a time period after graduating before parenting started? Up to you really, the SW will just want to know whether you or your partner will be the one taking adoption leave, and it's normally a requirement to take 12 months.
3. and 4. are things the SW will discuss with you both during your assessment, for the purpose of ensuring stability for any adopted child.

Welcome to the board

P.S. There was a recent thread on here talking about exploring the option of treatment for pregnancy-related anxiety issues, before deciding if adoption was the right path. Obviously it's a highly personal decision that you'll have come to in your own way, but you might want to read that thread too as other posters made some really good points.

I am avaricious ill first have to adress the issue of contact with the step son

They will want to talk to him and also the mother. I can assure yu they won't let. That go

Sorry my I pad is playing up yes yLu will need sort the issues around. Contact and I would imagin it means. That you have not meet your stepson or really had any experince in looking after him or making that bond

In order to adopt you must first make harmony with the family you already have

You should ring around some agencies and have a chat with them, when we first did that it helped massively.

I don't see why your age should be an issue. We were 24 when we started the assessment process and had just turned 25 by the time we were approved. I was expecting our age to be a problem however it was never mentioned in a negative light by any of the social workers and our social worker saw it as a positive. Even at approval panel it was something that wasn't brought up.

The assessment process took us 10 months from start to finish however this would have been quicker if we had received the CRB checks sooner. Ours seemed to take ages to come back.

Regarding the not having biological children that was something we had to go through indepth during out home study however once they were happy that adoption was something we wanted and were 100% committed too they were okay about it. They did want to know why we had not chose to go down the IVF route etc.