Changing agency/authority for second adoption?

[Yearning12]

Hi everyone

I have name changed for this.

DH and I have a 4 year old son who came to live with us 18 months ago. He starts school in September. We adopted him through a VA. He has settled in brilliantly - yes, we have had a few "downs" but generally I think it has been very successful.

We always wanted more than one child (selfishly) and so have begun to explore possibly adopting again. A couple of weeks ago, I spoke to our old SW who had been brilliant, and she basically said that there just weren't the number of children around as there had been before, they had a lot of adopters who were "approved" but still waiting for a match and they wouldn't take us on at this stage to be approved for a second child. She suggested that we come back in a year and see if things had changed and she would give an honest assessment then. (I know a year might not seem a lot but I have been trying to create my family now for 10 years and I am quite tired of all the waiting and hoping and living a life a bit in limbo - however hard you try not to...)

Now - DH and I had been thinking that we would probably kick things off again in September, hopefully be approved by January/February 2016 and then hopefully have another child living with us by summer 2016- DS would have done a year at school and would by then have lived with us for almost 3 years....I am very aware that there are less children - hence I thought that realistically it would take a while to find a match - especially as the child would need to be between 0-3 because of DS's age.

Anyway - I have been mulling this conversation for a fortnight now and do feel quite down about it. And I wondered if we might get a different response if we went with a LA (I wasn't really sure how things worked first time round and didn't realise that you could apply to adopt with a different LA to the one you live in. We live in London so there are plenty of LA's around us and not too far away. Our original LA told us that they were not interested in us because we were white.)

So, that is a long post to say "Has anyone adopted again and used a different agency/LA?"

Thanks for reading.

Hi. We have just been approved for our second adoption with a different agency than the first. Our situation is a bit different as we were approached to adopt a sibling. They still just did a second time adopter approval using our previous par and updating it with how things have changed since our children came home. I will say that this LA have been shockingly bad compared to our first (both in London)

Thanks Mole. I am going to call around on Monday and see whether anyone would be "interested" in us. I was just wondering if, because we were with a VA, they are just being very realistic that they won't get children in the 0-3 age range.

Good that they used your old PAR. Should make things quicker.

They might be. We adopted two under three and obviously the new sibling is a baby but that was a year ago and I'm given to understand things have changed a bit recently. If you're thinking East London I can recommend both a good LA and a not so good one.

We've just adopted for the first time and we went with a neighbouring LA (following some good advice). We were blessed to be matched with a 'baby' (8mths) very quickly as the LA were obviously wanting to place 'their' children with 'their' assessed adopters. I personally would recommend going with neighbouring LA's. A couple we stayed in touch with on our course who lived within that LA is still waiting and 'competing' against other adopters nationally now and like you say, there appears to be less 'easier to place' children in the system.
All the best with whatever you decide and hope your family will be complete soon!

Yearning I don't think there is any harm in asking other local authorities or county councils. If you were turned down for being white you may well live in a very multicultural area so pick a less multi cultural area that is not too far away, e.g. more rural area maybe and approach the adoption services there.

You would probably look good to them! You have been approved, (they will have a process but they know you have been approved elsewhere) you are already parenting a child who joined you by adoption (which means you can do it!) and you are keen to do it again.

You can be as open or closed as you like but just bear in mind all the usual things about being open about age, gender, ethnicity etc if you feel you want to. But be realistic. If the process takes a year and your child is 4 now they would be 5 so the oldest child you would probably consider is 3.

Anyway, once approved you can look on the national register and check out 'Be my parent' or Adoption UK's 'Children who wait' (magazine and website I believe).

You may wish to go to an event such as an exchange day with Adoption UK...

www.adoptionregister.org.uk/adopters/exchange-days

Or an activity day with BAAF...

www.baaf.org.uk/ourwork/activitydays

That is, of course, once approved for the second time (and once you had waited three months post approval).

All the best.

We have adopted in two very multi cultural boroughs. When we first applied I questioned if there would be children available to us as a white couple and was told that they needed white families as most people applying there were non white, due to the ethnic make up of the area.

I think that less children are going to VAs owing to budget cuts and consortiums being formed by LAs effectively creating their own clone between VA and LA.
Some agencies and LAs wont look at you so soon into placement, and that may be partly where your old SW was coming from, some ask that you wait at least two years after placement before you apply again to ensure that the family unit is secure enough to receive a second child, and that your first child has enough therapeutic parenting to develop strong bonds before your parenting is divided, there is also the issue of any needs developing or being picked up in that time frame. That said with the length it all takes you probably wont be going to approval panel until 2 years into placement anyway.
With regards to your time frame, for a number of reasons matching a second child can be harder than family finding for the first. So it may simply take longer. We went to approval panel for DC2 February 2012 and were matched May 2013.
Everyone's journey is different, and some of the above wont have applied to other adopters, but I have known second time adopters having longer waits than ours, I have known second time adopters have a really small gap between adoption order and reapplying, equally I know the LA we went through will only have second time adopters for a non-related child after two years from the placement being made, our LA actually says two years from AO.
By all means look around- anywhere up to a 50 mile radius will probably consider you, but do be wary that it may not be as clean cut as you hope.

Tangerineandturquoise makes a very good point about ensuring your family unit is secure before you prusue a new adoption application, IMHO.

My dd was a lone child for nine years before ds came. I did spent quite a lot of those 9 years wishing we had another child and she had a sibling! Through six years of fertility treatment and almost 2 years of adoption prep and waiting! I WISH now that I had simply enjoyed time with dd as a lone child and made the most of it while also pursing our second child. It is so hard to separate the two, and I do feel you would be well placed to go to a second child but I don't think waiting a few months is a bad idea.

If the recommend time is two years to wait (check if that applies in your area) it would mean September, when your son starts school. If you were doing this at the time he started school, or shortly after, you would have a much more realistic idea of how he was coping and if it then took a year to adopt a second child he would have made that transition from being at home to being at school before the new child arrived.

My ds is 4, at school and arrived almost a year ago. Starring school was very tiring and quite emotional for him (still is, as he started in January he has only done one term so far - he was a summer baby so we started him part time later).

I cannot change the past in terms of worrying about baby/child number two but I can say that enjoying the time with your ds is vital.

Plus, lastly, if your son is a bit older when you come to adopt number 2 you will have more choice, if he has already hit 6 you would be able to adopt up to 4 which would give you a wider choice of children.

All the best.

Sorry choice sounds wrong there! I mean more children to consider to see if you met their needs and they would be able to fit into your family dynamic with your existing son!

Thanks everyone.

Just to be clear - we won't start the process until DS will have lived with us for 2 years. Based on what I have read on this board and our own experience - I expect it to take at least an additional year before a child is placed with us.

Italian - DS would have done a year at school almost certainly before a sibling joined the family. I am expecting school to be a challenge and we have already made provisions for that eg he will only be doing mornings, we will keep the same childcare arrangements etc.

Anyway - all lots of food for thought. Thank you everyone.