Questions about adopting

[HarrysMummy17]

Hi, I'm asking on behalf of a friend who believes she's got no chance of adoption.

My friends had 3 kidney transplants before her 10th birthday. She's currently on a lot of medication.

She is desperate for a baby but the doctors have told her she probably won't be able to carry a child without causing risk to herself and if she managed to go full term the child would likely be born with deformities due to her medication.

She started to look into adoption and as soon as she saw she'd need a medical assessment she gave up.

Is there anyone with any helpful information I can give her?

No personal experience as such as we have no real health issues. There are many people with illnesses and disabilities that adopt. They will want to know if she is fit and healthy enough to look after a child, they will want to know what her support network is and his she woukd overcome any particular issues (for instance if she had to go in to hospital on a regular basis what would she do etc) . Then will also ask what effects the illness had on her life expectancy as they need to know she woukd be able to bring up a child into adulthood.
So there are things to overcome but not un achievable with the right support.

Thank you for the reply.
She is a nursery nurse so caring for the child wouldn't be a problem. She's married with both hers and her husbands families close by.
The problem might be life expectancy. She could be ok for years but also she may not.

I have 2 friends who've applied in a similar situation but not the same illness. One has health issues now but been told as long as other half well and no issues this will be ok. The other friend has no ill health now but has had cancer numerous times and has been told there is a considerable risk she will get it again and has been refused. Obviously adopted children have already lost one set of parents so if there is considerable risk
they may lose another in childhood SS would not want to put a child through that again and this is what they told my second friend. However, it really is something that will need to be considered on a case by case basis and different LA's and VA's will likely have different answers so probably not something you'll be able to find out on here, she will have to attend an information evening/event and ask.

I would say, based on what my friends have been through, encourage her to ask the questions but without getting any hopes up at this stage.

Best too be loved at some time than rather than not find love at all, apply's too both parent and child. Would follow her heart and feelings.

Given that any adopted child has suffered significant loss at least twice in their life (birth family and foster carers) it would have a profound impact on them to lose another significant person so ss first questions concerning health would be about life expectancy given prior medical issues

Best to call her local ss and be honest with them and also ask her doctors/consultants opinions they would give to ss

Has she considered adopting a much older child? This might be more suitable.

Friends of mine weren't even considered for assesement because the husband had a kidney disease and was looking at dialysis in the future. They said that if he had a transplant they might reconsider.

Seems also there could be lots of Family support , which is a big criteria for Adoption would not be alone so would go for it.

If she's currently working in a tiring and demanding job and her health isn't suffering that will definitely be a positive thing. The SWs will probably ask lots of questions, as obviously they don't have the medical knowledge. She could talk to her renal consultant and ask if he/she would be happy to write to or even meet with SWs if necessary. It shouldn't be an outright no, will just make things a bit more complicated. Best thing is for her to phone a few agencies, tell them the situation and see what they say...

If her condition is controlled by medication and is stable then it should be treated no differently to any other disease. It's if it's unstable the that's when a problem occurs, as others say, regarding stability for children. From what you've said her illness seems to be when she was a child and so this would suggest it's not an impossible dream. I'd suggest she gets her consultant to document how stable her disease is and what future prognosis is and then a copy will go in her gp notes which will then be used to support her medical. You don't have to have a medical assessment with nothing on it in order to adopt, the whole adoption assessment is to ensure you can provide and support a child not a test to pass or fail! Good luck xx

I'm also wondering something similar - I have had skin cancer - malignant melanoma, and am now 2 1/2 years post my last surgery without any recurrences - I'm also a type 2 diabetic. Do myself & my partner stand any chance of adopting or will it simply be a 'no thanks' ?

Thank you for all of the replies. I will pass the comments on and fingers crossed she gets somewhere xx

HarrysMummy17 and Jessica I agree with iwishkidslikedtomatoes

I think it is really best to ask the adoption agencies about these things since they will know their own criteria and it may vary. You can try any number of local agencies (local authority or county council or voluntary).

I think being able to see the child into adulthood is something that they look for so it really depends how serious an illness is. Also you need to care for the child, either you/your friend or your partner, if you have one, so if a medical condition meant it would be hard to parent a young child that may limit things.

Just for the record I have high blood pressure and a few medical conditions which are totally managed by medication. These were accessed in my medical. I am certainly not a stunning example of fine physical health (a few people on here have met me in person so can attest to that!) but I passed my medical OK and went on to adopt and was already parenting a child.

Do ask the questions to the right people. Awful to want to do it and not because of lack of asking. And if the door is barred to adoption, consider fostering because the rules might be slightly different. You could still care for a young child or perhaps an older child on a semi permanent basis, and would get financial support and other forms of support.

When I first became a parent it was all about having 'a baby' and I looked at friends with much older kids and thought it must be strange to 'parent' an older child. Now I have an older child (10) who I adore I realise that all the ages and stages have their benefits and delights (and heart breaks) and to miss out on all of it because you cannot do the initial bit is very sad. My son was 3 when he came to us and I was sad to miss out on the first few years of his life but soon he will have been with us longer than he has been anywhere else (well, not soon, but in a while) and I realise that the joy of knowing him (he is pretty gorgeous) is far greater than my fleeting early day thoughts of wanting to adopt a baby or a toddler.

I hope that helps, it sounds a bit smug, but I do not mean it. I just mean that if there are any limitations on a prospective adopters abilities then adopting a slightly older child, who needs a bit less hands on care, or long term fostering, might be a better option. But please do discuss all options.

All the best.

In our case we have health issues more related to past problems and in my case stress and anxiety due to being so highly wound up I work myself up. SW will want to know on past and current health issues and how they would affect anyone looking after a child, as long as your friend can show that she is capable of looking after a child (which I'm sure she is) and has strategies and things in place in case of any incidences or bouts of ill health that make it difficult to cope for short periods and plans she (and her partner) have in regards of difficulties etc.
Yes the SW will probably push issues and they do want solutions for sometimes silly scenarios and incidents that may (hopefully never) occur and will repeat repeatedly about health issues and coping strategies to ensure their own peace of mind and the courts that they are right to place a potentially very vulnerable child in your care.
If she is serious about wanting a child tell her to at least go to the open days or apply and as long as she is determined this is the best way for her to push and be as stubborn as they are and don't let the negative points get you down. Focus on the outcome, a lovely child bought into a willing happy home to create a family that she wants.