Fuming over decree absolute

[latergater1409]

Hi
I'm fuming. This is my 3rd marriage and the agency have insisted on seeing my decree absolute from my FIRST marriage. I totally understand why they want to see the one from my 2nd divorce but really why would they expect me to have kept the first one and what do they gain by seeing it????

To check you're not in a bigamous marriage?

Presumably it is needed for a legal reason. E.g., you wouldn't be able to get an adoption order without proof of previous divorces. I don't think this is anything to get fuming about. Just do as they ask.

Of course they will have expected you to keep it! Why wouldn't you? Just show it to them!

Honestly, the only way to get through the adoption process without an ulcer is to be a Madagascar penguin: smile and wave, smile and wave. My guess is that this they have to ask this to get their paperwork in order: they just have to be sure everything is cut and dried legally.

As much as possible, try to enter into the spirit of the game and understand why they do what they do or at least pretend to. It's good practice for 'fake it till you make it'. In time, I found that many of the things that perplexed or infuriated me at the time made perfect sense. And those that didn't suddenly didn't matter so much any more.

As a previous poster said, once you are applying for the Adoption Order for the child/children placed with you, you will have to submit copies of loads of stuff including your decree(s) otherwise your application will be returned.

Like Devora said, smile and wave.

Smile and wave, cute and cuddly...

Try not to get too stressed, it is not personal to you.

If you have lost the document I am sure you can get a replacement. Just see it as one more little step along the way, like having our house checked out for safety after safely raising our nine year old in it, like being told by our slightly plump social worker that I needed to lose weight (she, dear lady, was more embarrassed than !!) and like being told a boy would suit our family, by a social worker trying to find a home for a boy! We did adopt a boy and maybe he did suit our family but that is by the by.

Smile and wave, as devora says.

Just fuming because its uneccessary and may delay us starting stage 2.
Think I need to practice Devoras advice.......smile and wave

later

I really don't mean to be rude, but if this is the most stressful thing you experience during your approval process you need to consider yourself very lucky.

And then reflect on the fact that it is nothing compared with the stress of parenting an adopted child!!!

and even less again compared with the stress of being an adopted child!

But yes some of the hoops you have to jump through might seem more than a bit frustrating. This won;t be the last I'm guessing.

And then once you become an adoptive parent smile and nod, smile and nod.....