Well what a day!
EP is a trainee but (without much to base it on) I have to say I think she could potentially be very good. I say this mostly I think because she agreed with me 100% 
and told me I was marvelous (I may be paraphrasing a tad) and that I'd done exactly the right things. She followed it up with a few observations based on what I and his teacher had said in the meeting which summed up DS to a tee.
She thinks (a bit like me) that his attachment is probably pretty good and will assess his executive processing but agrees that his biggest issue is around anxiety - named a few types of anxiety that children have and said that DS pretty much all the boxes of all of them!
She thinks CBT may be the way to go for the anxiety issues and potentially may recommend additional things if the executive processing assessment shows any issues there.
She said that school may have to go through CAHMS (who have a wating list of several months) to get CBT for him as she had limited time available for the school and her supervisor needed to prioritise where her time would be most useful.
Inclusion manager and I both at that point got into a hard sell about how receptive he would be and how able he was to engage with therapy as he is remarkably emotionally mature...
Several really good things came out of it:
From what his teacher and the inclusion manager said they actually understand him pretty well and have admitted that they just can't find something which works for him. They have tried a behaviour management diary (type thing) with rewards attached and said he is the only child they've ever come across who said "No thanks" to the rewards and is doing it without! EP said some children are actually more motivated by wanting to do the right thing and feeling good about themselves than any external rewards (even after all this time he has the ability to surprise me). SO I'm happy that the school undertsand and are very very receptive to whatever EP suggests.
EP said very firmly to inclusion manager that if nothing else cam eout of this that he had to have a differentiated behaviour plan ie NO MORE TIME OUT! YAYYY! This was in response to me telling her about DS's "dream" of everyone dying and leaving him with people who hate him.
Then I got an email at 5ish - saying EP could do CBT starting with an assessment tomorrow then 8 1hr sessions weekly.
AND THEN we went out for a swanky meal at a hotel and saw Mathilda for my birthday which was fab and DS was fab and it was all very wonderful and being 50 has been pretty fantastic so far.
And throwing caution to the winds ( I can hear Kristina frowning from here...)