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Can you adopt without a big support network?

12 replies

Monkeyblue2 · 01/01/2015 14:03

I have bio children but would love to adopt in the future. We don't have a lot of support but manage fine on our own. Dh's parents live 2 hrs away but would help if needed, I don't have contact with my mum and my dad would help if asked but is quite useless with children! We don't have any close friends either nearby. Would this be a big no?

OP posts:
Somemothers · 01/01/2015 16:49

You would have
Adoption support
Adoption uk
Health visitor

So you have five more you haven't thought of

FamiliesShareGerms · 01/01/2015 16:57

It depends on what you mean by support - I think you definitely need someone you can ring up if it all gets too much and will listen to you without judging, IYSWIM, not necessarily someone who can look after your kids at the drop of a hat

Kewcumber · 01/01/2015 17:52

How do you manage when you need to juggle - children, work, crises etc now?

You need to bear in mind that very many adopted children cannot be left with people they don't know very well anyway. DS could only be left with my mum and his childminder and really no-one else. No babysitters here!

I have found support with school parents as well as my mum - you don;t need lots of support you just need reliable support who sing from the same hymn sheet about attachment parenting (or at least pretend to!). You will surprised who is supportive in reality and who isn't.

Zephyroux · 01/01/2015 17:56

I'm at the very beginning of stage one and like you was worried about not having a big support network. SW was fine about it though, as although it's small, it is big enough!

Good luck.

AdventuringAbout · 01/01/2015 18:02

What Families said is just right - I would think about where your emotional support is going to come from, rather than a pure focus on emergency practical support.

Having said that, my pre-adoption support network was beautiful and shiny, and over the first six months of placement pretty much all went south, due to a combination of serious illness in the family, and some folk frankly turning out to be a dead loss despite their loud best intentions! I am in the process of gradually building a new smaller stronger network, and some people who weren't close friends before have massively helped and really been generous with their time / listening. So, you know, be prepared that your support sources will almost certainly change - but you will need to show your SW you've thought about it.

Kewcumber · 01/01/2015 18:10

some folk frankly turning out to be a dead loss despite their loud best intentions! Man alive, ain't that just the truth!

Somemothers · 01/01/2015 19:58

Add message | Report | Message poster Kewcumber Thu 01-Jan-15 18:10:10
some folk frankly turning out to be a dead loss despite their loud best intentions! Man alive, ain't that just the truth!

Amen my sisters haven't even bothered to come and see baby yet bee a year in placement Hmm

Monkeyblue2 · 01/01/2015 20:04

Thanks, it's more the kind of practical support I am worried about. I have people who I can phone and chat with but no one close by the help out. I'm a sahm and would continue to be if we adopt later on.

OP posts:
UnderTheNameOfSanders · 01/01/2015 21:26

If you were incapacitated (say for example your newly placed 3 year old dropped a 2lb weight on your bare toe and you could hardly walk Smile ), who would you call on to take your BC to school?

I think it may be considered important to have at least the ability to make contacts that in a crisis you could turn to, and as you have BCs and are a SAHM the SWs may expect you to have at least 1 or 2 other parents you could turn to if needed.

ThankGodThatsOver · 01/01/2015 21:39

If you are not working, that makes things easier.

I must say though that I had several years after adopting where I thought we could be an 'average' family and just got on with it but more recently the dc's needs have increased and I have needed a lot more support.

Tangerineandturquoise · 03/01/2015 21:38

I would second the shiny support networks can often head south! And I think most SWs are aware of that.
HVs and GPs can be worth their weight in gold- so I would emphasize your positive experiences with them.
If you were to get sick could someone say In Laws come in a crisis. What happens for childcare for your other two if one child has a medical or other appointment is that provision expandable- can your OH work flexibly?

That said- the big white elephant is going to be that you are not in contact with your parents- that is something they will examine quite closely.

Canigetanamen · 03/01/2015 22:52

When we went in we had a huge network I am one of 10 and dh is one of four however roll on a year since placement most of our siblings have not even met our child and the person that has been the most help is paid support as Ina. Baby sitter we hired and my best friend that's pretty much it

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