Being an adopted adult and meeting birth parent

[mintysmum]

I know this is more chat about adopting rather than being adopted but I can't see where else to put it.

I have just made contact with my birth father and we are arranging to meet. Since finding him 6 days ago, I cannot sleep, I'm struggling to work and though I'm bouncy and cheerful with my kids and DH when I'm not making the effort to be so, I am daydreaming and distracted.

Has anyone else had this experience? I'm not sure what I can do to switch off and sleep better. I tried a 40 minute mindfulness meditation app yesterday which was good but DS barged in and started chatting halfway through! I've gone to see my parents to tell them about BF as a way of getting rid of my guilt feelings and they were wonderful so that helped.

But nothing is helping me to sleep at 3am and all I can think about is the meeting up bit and how terrified I'm going to be.

[mintysmum]

I am nearly 50 years old! But I did my first search for my birth mother when I was 18-20 yrs and that didn't go too well so I 'have baggage'.

She was not a warm person and I felt no connection whatsoever. It was like spending a few days with a neighbour. Whereas this contact with birth father is totally different - he is open, warm, loving even. And I feel myself deeply drawn to him which is frankly absolutely terrifying.

Skype is helping a bit to de-mystify him and make him seem less 'glamorous' for want of a better word. And visting my dearest dad on Sunday to have lunch with him also really helped because he is calm about it and it hasn't changed anything at all.
But I still have a churned up tummy and my birth father is on my mind constantly which I don't remember with my birth mother pre-meeting up. It is very different.

[Hels20]

How are you, Minty? Hope it goes ok - either tomorrow or Saturday.