Horrible conversation number one

[Lilka]

I've somehow managed to get nothing but understanding from other parents, neighbours and family since DD left (a month tomorrow ). Which I guess surprised cynical old me, because DS has been very honest with all his classmates/friends at Judo club about DD being told to leave home that very night, as opposed to just moving out.

Anyway, at Judo tonight I had the first horrible conversation, because the class ended a little later than normal, and a few of us parents were standing around waiting. It ended in "I just couldn't kick my children out and make them homeless".

I didn't reply, I just walked off. And nearly everyone else heard us, so there's a double bonus.

How nice her world must be to be so secure in that belief. DD isn't homeless either FFS

At least she has no idea (afaik) that DD and DS are adopted, because DS isn't open about that. Because everyone knows how adoptive parents give up on parenting their adopted children, SO much easier than BP's do....

Sorry for moaning. I don't have much to moan about really, since one person isn't a lot at all. It's just really peed me off

I didn't say you wouldn't be arrested Lilka - but you will be led away with a smile on your face.

Ah, the 'I have moral superiority here' arrest, my favourite kind

It's now a whole month since I've seen my DD I woke up a month ago with no real intention of making her leave (I was just beginning to float the idea with myself) with no idea she'd just spent her last night at home.

Mam decided this was the evening to turn up on my doorstep with wine and my favourite flavour of cake. What can I say, I love her so much and she knows what I need right now - company and a hand hold. Feeling rather low tonight

Uh, meant to be a face, not a fucking grin

Briefly popping in to scatter tacks under the rolling puffed-up ego of that woman. And it's so bloody unfair to you, Lilka, who has been in at the deep end of high intensity parenting for years and years.

Hugs Lilka.

No one knows how it's been except those involved. What a stupid comment she made.
I hope things improve for you.

I'm hoping she realised how stupid she was as soon as she said it, and just didn't know how to take it back If not, and she's that stupid again, return to Kew's plan...

I will never understand why people think they can judge other people just like that...A Fork to the back of the head sounds like a good solution to me, so does a chair. maybe you can get a chair and glue some forks on it and make her sit down next time

I think lots of parents think this. That's because they have absolutely no idea how bad things can get - or maybe they like to think that sort of thing only happens to other people.

Ignore them. Just cause they're ignorant doesn't mean you are wrong.

You are just letting her get to you because you are so vulnerable and down right now. If you were feeling stronger you would know she is talking out of another orifice

What about

" I would never get a divorce , I couldn't do that to my children "

" gay couples shouldn't be allowed to have kids "

" asylum seekers should be sent back "

See??? You had no trouble saying " what a pile of crap " or " sanctimonious old bag " to any of these , did you ?

You wouldn't give these comments, or the person who said them, a second thought. So don't do it now with this woman.

Yy to kristina

In my experience, OP, people who say things like that have their words come back to haunt them, poor things.

And that includes me

back in the day, my MIL disapproved of her son marrying me because I was from a broken home and lo and behold the following year FIL met a younger woman. My aunt told me she would never let any of her children travel like I had done, and four years later her oldest went to Nigeria for two years. I prefer confessing other people's faults rather than my own

Besides kicking an 18-year-old out isn't exacting scandalous, though it must have broken your heart.

Thank you all again, means so much to have a place to offload

You're all right of course, as you said Kristina I'm sure 6 months ago I wouldn't have given a toss, I'm just feeling much more sensitive than normal now

On the positive side, I've been having a better day today - ate normal portions of everything and had a nice bike ride with DS

People are often just idiots. before my dd2 turned into a literally unbearable presence at the age of 12, i too could never imagine how anyone could tell a child to leave. but i ate my words big time. must be heartbreaking for you and you are in an impossible situation not of your creation.

I'm not an adopter, but I truly understand Lilka and had no choice but to do the same thing. You have done the right thing for all in your family and the person who said that hasn't a clue.

Oh Lilka sorry to hear you are still feeling so sensitive and vulnerable (not surprising, even though you did the right thing).

Kristina makes v valid comments.

Lilka...I am only a lurker who has never posted on the adoption board...(don't feel I have that right)...but I have followed your thread and am horrified that you feel so bad...I have always thought what a strong lovely woman whose DC are lucky to have her...Ignore, the silly moo hasn't a clue...

Thank you

My feelings are all over the place tbh - one day I'm doing okay, the next I'm not. 1 step forward, 2 steps back, then 1 sideways then 2 forwards and 1 back again...!

Everyone's support means so much to me

I have a lovely update which I forgot to mention, but I'm going to start a new thread, because i want to put up a positive one, it feels like progress to do that!

Hold tight, the best way to help someone is often the hardest. She will come around x

As for the woman with the gob, that's all she is.