Which Local Authority/ Agency? And is it impossible for a large family?

[hopingfor1more]

I am very new to this and trying to figure out if adoption is possible for me. It has always been a dream of mine but life has a funny way of turning out and I never imagined that I would end up having 5 biological children of my own. But now the youngest is 6 and I am a stay at home mum with a lot of patience and parenting experience and time off during the day and I thought I would go back and explore the possibility of adoption at this stage. I have tried calling a couple of local authorities and found their attitude toward my situation varying. A couple said to come along to an information evening although they were not sure what my chances of adoption were (but said they couldn't turn me down over the phone), others were almost hostile saying why would I ever even want more children, they were just exhausted by the thought, I couldn't possibly have the resources, physical space in the home, idea of the type of disturbed children they have, time to follow up on all the adopted children's needs, or consideration of how damaging it could all be to my bio children.
Has anyone with a large family been successful adopting? And are there Local Authorities or Agencies that perhaps have a more open minded attitude or maybe a greater need that would consider my case?
Many thanks for any help.

The short answer is yes, there might be. You are free to apply for all the adoption agencies that cover your area

But they will all ask you the same questions . Especially how will you have the time - adopted children don't just need attention during the school day.

And do you have an understanding of the needs of adopted children

And how will it be for an adopted child to be in a ready made family of 7 ?

Can I ask why you want to adopt, apart from it's a dream that you have ?

Regarding agencies which might have a greater need -all agencies have a need for those who can adopt children with significant special needs, those who are school age and who come in sibling groups of three or more.

Mots have no need for adopters who wish a single NT child under 3 or 4 .

Many will not even accept applications from those wishing a white NT child under 2 .

We have friends who have 4 and successfully gone through the process. That being said, their kids are all older.
All I would say is that many neglected children (including our little one) need so much attention and a completely different style of parenting. If you feel you can still devote that much attention to a little one while still giving your other 5 what they need then definitely pursue it. It is the best thing I have ever done in my life.
Try reading some literature on attachment theory and parenting with PACE/PLACE (Dan Hughes has some good books) and that might give you an idea of whether you DO have the time to give.
Might also be useful to check with the LA how many kids they have to prospective adopters. When we started our journey we were told there were a lot more kids than parents. However, in the space of a year this seems to have turned on its head with a lot more prospective adopters than children. Again, this may vary area to area.

If you really want to do this, then please don't be put off and keep trying.

I think it will probably depend on how much they need adopters in your area! A couple I know have four of their own (mostly away from home now) and have successfully adopted four.

I can only speak from my own experience. I have two bc and one ac. My adopted child is wonderful. I adore him so much and love him and will never stop but he is totally exhausting in a way my bc are not. He is, unintentionally, incredibly demanding with a short concentration level. He is very very persistent when he wants attention presumably due to not receiving the attention when little. We all love each other including all our failings! I don't regret anything, not one minute but oh I do long for peace quite a lot!!

Hth

hopingfor1more have you had any experience of adoption before or of looked after children?

Others have mentioned the time and emotional energy, so I won't go over that but I wondered about the physical space. Have you a spare room for that child so they would not share a room. Would them having their own room mean moving another of your children in with a sibling? These are questions you will be asked as well as the time and energy and emotional space ones.

I have a birth child and an adopted one. I had thought one more would be relatively easy but even aside from emotions and demands I have found more shopping, more food (now two faddy eaters instead of one) more laundry and just generally more to do.

The biggest challenge for me has been balancing the needs of birth dd (10) and adopted ds (now 4).

I wonder if you may find that it is helpful to explore fostering at this stage or in the future. I am just suggesting it because with so many already in the family to consider the needs of fostering is not (normally) a permanent arrangement and means that if the birth children find it very hard then it will most likely not be for ever. It would still give you the chance to love and 'parent' a sixth child but not permanently. It would give a huge amount to society, i feel foster carers give so much. I also feel quite a few foster homes do contain quite a few different kinds of children: birth kids or adopted alongside fostered kids, plus sometimes child-minded children, respite care children and in some cases grandchildren for older foster carers.

I know you did not ask about this but it may be a way to explore parenting a new child in a family setting without the long term commitment. This sounds awful, in the way I have expressed it, but actually provides an amazing service to a child. Also local councils are always crying out for good, loving caring homes for children who are in temporary need of a safe place to be. This might be for a few nights, weeks, months or in some cases years. It is a very different kettle of fish to adoption but it is equally essential and also requires a loving home.

Again fostered children would ideally need their own room and would bring with them all manner of issues etc. I am suggesting this as a possible option to consider not saying I think it is right in your family or situation.

hopingfor1more good luck in your quest, do not be put off enquiring if adoption is something you are really interested in. It would be a shame not to explore it even though you are aware with five birth children you are not the usual candidate, but then the world is made up of exceptions!

In my very humble opinion it is not that you will necessarily be successful now, you may or may not, but you may find you come back to this when your kids are a bit older of that the desire changes a bit.

All the best.

We have 3 BC and 10 Adopted children, No Benefits just one big happy family , with each other for extra support, Go for it.

Many happy days