My feed

to access all these features

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


Introductions with a 3 yr old

10 replies

Potatoaddict · 27/10/2014 13:18

I have not posted on here for ages as it has been a whirlwind few months. We have been matched with a 3 year old and starting introductions soon.
We have an idea about what 3 year olds do but the prospect of what to do with him during the first week is scary!
As its wet are we likely to stay in the foster carers home? Should we plan trips out? Any tips on how to handle the first meeting?
I was going to make sure I had some fun mini games in my handbag and have learnt his favourite book by heart.
Any advice would be apreiciated, thanks.

OP posts:
slkk · 27/10/2014 14:21

We did intros with a the with year old this year. On the first day we let him approach us - just sat and played with his toys etc. After a little while he started bringing his pictures of us and showing us. Three year olds do like going out even if it's wet so take your wellies. We did local walks for a few days then bigger trips to parks later. Ours really loves trains and buses so we used public transport and this was a big treat. Be guided by the fc. Jigsaws, colouring and cutting and sticking are favourites for rainy days. Maybe start cutting interesting pictures out of magazines so you've got a stock. Have fun!

TheFamilyJammies · 27/10/2014 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 27/10/2014 20:22

Hi potatoaddict

Our son was three when he came to us.

Others have given advice I would add....

We sent ahead a talking book of photos, a dvd (made by our dd with my dh's help) and a blanket for him with his name on (which he loved)

We started out calling ourselves mummy and daddy from day one or two and he followed suit

We took our lead from fc

We took a new teddy, a toy for him on our first meeting and when we left him we gave the teddy and asked him to look after it until we saw him the next day

Over the following days we took him out anywhere we could go, any kind of place you think he might like, a farm, a park, a garden centre, a place with animals, and even a soft play at a quiet time was OK (it was almost deserted) but lots of people will say avoid soft play!

Each time we visited we tried to have a certain bit of structure and do a story with him once or twice, we let him turn the pages and as well as reading the story we asked him questions (can you find the bird in the sky etc?) just so it was iterative.

We took puzzles and had them in the car in case needed.

We asked what food to bring and took his favourite biscuits etc.

Happy days

Six months ago!

Best of luck.

silverlinings79 · 27/10/2014 21:04

We very much followed foster carers lead and very much theirs at her house. We also followed her routine to the letter which works. We had a meeting with social workers and foster carer prior to intros and to be honest everything was set out for us in terms of schedule at foster carers house, we needn't bring anything. At ours we went to local park but were discouraged from going anywhere big, like soft play centres or the zoo, to not over stimulate and because we were told that as so big would not provide as good a bonding experience. We found playing at home with board games and puzzles and in garden was all we needed and was great for getting them used to our home and for bonding.

One particular game we found great for 3 year olds was 'soundtracks', I'll see if I can find a link, also pop up pirate, hungry hippos and ker plunk all work well.

I would say that if you're having a meeting wait until after that before planning anything :) And of course all will depend on your foster carers and the child :) Congrats on your match :)

silverlinings79 · 27/10/2014 21:06
silverlinings79 · 27/10/2014 21:10

Sorry and not to say big places should be discouraged, or don't work, this was just the advice our LA gave out :)

islurpmyspaghetti · 27/10/2014 21:21

We did Introductions with a three year old. I am sure that everyone will advise differently - and trust your own natural parenting instincts - but we very much enjoyed doing the same walk every day. Every day, our DS trusted us a bit more, noticed familiar things and spotted new ones, seemed to take comfort from the routine of it. You have your whole life to build up to amazing exciting things. Introductions is a time for you to bond as a family so start small. Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 27/10/2014 21:58

Oh, should say soft play was partly because we have a birth dd and wanted the experience of being together for the first time to be fun for her. It was. And we have been back to that place a few times. But it really is not for everyone. Our foster carer had taken him there before so we took her guidance from her. Sorry not 'our' but his!

Italiangreyhound · 27/10/2014 22:00

And he loved it but he also loved the farm.

Potatoaddict · 27/10/2014 22:50

Thank you, lots of great ideas!

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.