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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Waiting for a match..

5 replies

Swizzle99 · 27/10/2014 09:50

We have been apt over nearly 7 months now, and have hair been turned down for another potential match. That's te 3rd time it's all gone wrong now, and it's getting harder each time!

The first potential match broke down when it emerged that some of the child's paperwork was inaccurate and failed to mentioned serious signs of sexual abuse.

The second potential match broke down, at the stage of planning matching panel, ect because the foster carer stepped forward and said she wanted to adopt the LO.

The third potential match seemed to be a good fit but we have been waiting for 6 weeks due to holidays to get a meeting with the SW and FF to be told this morning that another couple has been chosen, who showed an interest last minute.

I do understand that on all of the occasions we have no progressed to actually getting a match and that the children are never really ours until they move in... But I can't help but feel emotionally attached to a child once we've rea the CPR and agreed that we'd like to move further forwards. In fact our social worker will only pursue a link if we feel that initial connection to a child.

How have you guys coped with this stage? How have you coped with all the waiting around?

I just feel really deflated and part of me is struggling to see how we will ever be lucky enought to be chosen as parents! (I know I sound a bit melodramtic and do apologise!)

I just struggled to cope with the waiting.. Waiting for profiles...waiting for CPRs...waiting for social workers to respond...waiting for visits...waiting for decisions...

And in the mean time it feels a bit like our lives are on hold because we are just waiting and feel we need to be ready at a lents notice for news or a visit for a SW.

Sorry, I guess I'm just feeling really fed up and our friends and family struggle to understand what we've going through..

OP posts:
slkk · 27/10/2014 11:57

Ah this is hard but you have to keep thinking that all the delays are leading you to your child and that child will be the child you were meant to have.

Engima · 27/10/2014 12:59

That does sound really hard to cope with. On the other hand 3 potentially good matches in 7 months does at least sound as if they are really trying hard to find the right match. We've been approved 3 months and are yet to see a profile of any sort- just vague details being brought up which then are never mentioned again. I've got quite obsessive about the details we've been given, so imagine it would be a hundred times worse if you've got as far as the CPR, meeting SWs etc. Just hang in there- it will happen and once it does you won't be able to imagine it having turned out any other way. I do think matching is the hardest bit of the process though so try to not let it get to you too much- easier said than done!

spengler · 28/10/2014 22:12

we've been approved for 6 months now but as soon as approved we registered with be my parent and adoption link. Our social worker wanted us to stay within the authority however we are in control of our matches (why leave it to others?!?) so wanted to get the maximum exposure possible. We have had "issues" with the social worker not working with external authorities or passing on our details but we have managed this and pushed for what we felt was right for us and the children.
We have not been matched but can honestly say we have a full picture of the children available.
I'd strongly recommend registering with the different agencies out there and taking control. Don't wait for the SW to find someone for you do it yourself. :)

Italiangreyhound · 28/10/2014 22:24

Try and stay calm, I am sure it will all happen.

Swizzle99 · 29/10/2014 12:08

Thanks all.

I think I just needed to vent a bit!

We are bein really proactive, are registered with every website around and keep looking out for any profile that seems right.

It just takes so long for the children's social workers to get back to us and swap information!
I think I'm just feeling a bit lost because of the time of year and lots of people keep asking us why we haven't found a child yet!

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