Attachment me again :)

[Mama1980]

As most of you know my youngest dd is adopted placed in my care at birth is nearly a year now and she's always been very very clingy. Which is fine and she is with me always and we co sleep etc.
I'm just wondering at what point does it become a 'issue?'
Ive had two clingy birth children but nothing like this.
I've just got back from the drs appointment from hell. I have to have regular treatment before now my dd has sat on me but she's big now and it's not really possibly she tried to pull out my iv so my mum who was with me and had my other two boys sat in the same room and held her. Well she went mad, mum bought her over so she could touch me but no it was like she totally panicked. They had to stop my treatment so I could hold her she made herself sick
This isn't the first time. We are home now and she's absolutely fine.
Any advice on how to approach or handle this would be great.

I don't really have any experience but didn't want to read and run. Hopefully someone will pop in that has real life experience and can help x

Um I'm not sure this is something where a generic answer is going to help, and I'm very wary of doing harm. Is there local support where you can have 1:1 expert attachment advice (for example our LA has a team of clinical psychologists running a post-adoption Attach service)? If there's nothing, and your LO's SW is unable to recommend something, I think I would contact Adoption UK or BAAF and ask their advice.

It sounds as though your LO absolutely associates her safety with physical contact with you. Her extreme anxiety sounds scary for her and for you, and particularly today when it was in an environment neither of you could really control Does your LO have one of your pre-worn shirts or something that she could be wrapped in when you really can't hold her? Sure you have already tried that, sorry. It doesn't "solve" the anxiety of course, but my sense is that maybe you're looking for both longer-term support, and some immediate-term small solutions for tiny steps forward.

Just because I don't want to post with no suggestions at all, I wonder whether she has any things she is able to use as comfort objects? For example, when placed my LO (toddler not baby) was indiscriminate about which soft toys she had in bed or cuddled. She had loads, and didn't really care which she was given. Her anxiety was massive - and still can be sometimes. But as she became more secure, she selected one that was The One and it helps her a lot now to have it with her. If your DD hasn't found "her" object yet, maybe you could choose for her by offering a consistent soft toy when you are cuddling and sleeping together, to try and guide her into associating that specific toy with safety...

Mama so sorry to hear this. Please ask your local authority for post adoption support.

Sorry that I have no suggestions to make but please do get some extra professional help.

Thanks all. Sorry my message was a bit garbled yesterday.
Thanks for the suggestions,
I have seen a clinical psychologist and have had a meeting with post adoption support (who were frankly useless!) the clinical psychologist felt given how well she is developing in all other respects, she is hitting all milestones on target which I didn't really expect, that she just needs time and advised continuing as I have done. With the view to reassessing later in the new year.
They think that she has developed a great and secure attachment but the issue is possibly sensory.

I was just a little panicked yesterday, especially as we have to try again Monday. I will try wrapping her in my top, thanks for the suggestion. I haven't tried that.

One of my DD was like this, she even cried when I put her down to go to the loo. She wanted to sit on my lap or be carried all the time . I coudl only shower when she was asleep.. Sigh . I know it's very wearing and you sound as if you are coping well .

However DD wasn't placed at birth and she did grow out of it and by 3 she was able to go to nursery for a few hours a week . As a teenager , she is able to go on school residential trips .

She is still quite attached to me and texts and phones me when she's at school . She doesn't like me going out in the evening etc .

For some reason, it's much worse for her when I go away from home ( which I do two weekends a year ! ) but she is fine to go away herself. I think it's because she hold this mental image of " home " with me in it.

However she is able to lead a totally normal teenage life And overall her issues are very minor , she is one of the easiest ( or least damaged /traumatised ) of all our children .

But I'm not sure if that helps you with your DD now. Given that you have experience of " normal " clingy children, does this feel different to you? If so, I think it's worth getting some specialist input now.

I'm wondering if you DD was exposed to drugs in utero ? I've heard that this can be one manifestation of the brain damage it causes

Oops sorry, just saw you update posted this morning

Grrrrrr....... Got two one pure heaven a delight t-other absolute the opposite likes attention and knows how to get it only 4 month's, as for looking for problems, has a few but meeting all milestones, so have no concern's, have too see how things develop, loves attention , close face too face attention and goggles, brilliant at play, don't like sleeping., is developing a very early cheeky character. have too endure and see how things develop. Think just being himself at the moment.

Thanks for replying.
Yes this is definitely different I think. She was exposed to drugs in utero, she had to go through withdrawal after birth.
I'm dreading the hospital again tomorrow, I'm going to try giving her the jumper I'll take off to hold/smell and have my mum keep her as close as possible.
Right now she is asleep at my side and she is so so beautiful and She has such determination, her youngest brother is only a year older than her and she is desperate to keep up with him.
And He tries to help her in his cute clumsy toddler way. It's hysterically funny sometimes.
But whereas he will run to play, with his other brother, run as fast as he can to his uncles and cousins.
My dd will barely let them touch her.