Moving house

[FamiliesShareGerms]

How soon after your adopted DC moved in with you would you / did you move house, and how was it?

For complicated (work related) reasons, we may need to move house to a completely different area. It would be a brilliant opportunity for us all, except we're worried whether DD will be able to cope with it. She loves where we are now, and doesn't like new things in general, and has just about settled into school. Not sure what to do for the best...

We moved 9 months after

Day one dd cried her eyes out then day two she realises she has much more space and her own play. Room and she loves it

But all children are different of course

We moved two years after placement, and it was difficult, and continues to be in many ways. Where we live now is much nicer, bigger and more convenient on many levels. But none of that matters with a child for whom familiarity and stability is important.
Some children don't struggle with change so it may not have a big impact.
For children who are more sensitive to changes it is a lot of upheaval, and it sounds as though your daughter may fall into that category.

If it is something that must happen, rather than something you have an element of decision/control over, then it would be a good idea to start getting her used to the idea slowly iv a period of time.
What a shame this opportunity has arisen now and not before placement!

How long has she been with you, and has the final adoption order been granted?

we moved 6 years after - DS not happy! BUt was bribed by a ipod touch! I worked very hard to minimise the changes and he stayed at the same school which was a big thing for him at the time.

Not sure how helpful that is to be honest. It wasn;t a problem in the long run and frankly I had no choice so it was just a case of having to minimise the fall-out rather than choosing.

I met a guy who adopted two older siblings, and they moved house about 18 months later. He said they sat the children down and explained everything about the move, took them to see the house etc. It was only after a couple of days that his daughter burst into tears and asked what would happen to her when they (the adoptive parents) moved out?

It had never occurred to him that she thought she would be left behind, so there you go. I suppose the advice is not to underestimate how clearly things might need to be explained, and how many ir/rational fears your dd may entertain. Plus, obviously it may not be traumatic and you don't want to risk overegging!

Thanks everyone. DD's been with us for three years (more of her life with us than not!), but just hates doing new things. Even going to a different supermarket for our monthly shop perturbs her...

I'm hoping that a really really big move (new house, new school, new friends) will be easier than small tweaks to her routine

Our adoption didn't follow the normal pattern so my experience was a bit different... but DH (who had been living with DD since she was 14 months old) moved in together when she was 3.7 and got married a month later. We moved into a new house. What helped was to keep stuff as much the same as possible - so don't spoil her with new bedding e.g., use the things she is used to and as far as possible unpack her room first. I think what also helped DD was to see the removal men pack our things into the lorry and unpack it on the other side (which in our case was just up the road). We wanted to leave her with the il's for the day but in the end I was glad we didn't.

Obviously the upheaval in your DD's life is going to be much more far reaching. Is it possible for her to visit the new house and school before you move? Can you take some pics that you can show her often in the weeks leading up to the move? I wonder if it would be possible to ask her new teacher if she could put you in touch with the families of other kids in the class (if they're willing of course). Then you can maybe introduce her to one or two kids before she starts school so that there are some familiar faces?