Grieving toddler

[Lillyludge]

LO has been here a week. Most of time she seems happy and is growing in confidence and trust. However, over the past couple of days she has been overcome with grief, asking for her FC. She has started letting me hold her and I do try and comfort her. The sobbing is heartbreaking though
Any advice?

Poor little love, I hope she settles soon x

No advice, but heaps of sympathy! I was told a lot by other people that it is far, far healthier for the grief to come out freely, and that if there had been no reaction it would have been worrying. I clung to that through LO's evident pain, but it was still awful. It does get easier, but don't under-estimate how emotionally draining it is for you, while you are being the comforter. Try and build in some little recovery times for yourself, to keep you going.

And congratulations on your first week with LO

All you can do is hug her tight and let her know it's ok to cry, and let her know she can trust you and you will always comfort and be there for her. Bless her and bless you xx

Thanks all of you...

I know in one way it's a positive sign that she's so securely attached to the FCs, I think I was just shocked to see such a clear expression of grief coming from such a young child. I've done all the training and read all the books...but I wasn't prepared for that.

Oh I remember this with DD, it broke my heart

All you can do is reassure her that it is ok to cry or be cross, and that you will still be there. Lots of cuddles

Gah!! Lots of cuddles for her, and for you

Hope things get calmer for you, just let her know it is OK to grieve and talk about it (if she expresses in words). Good luck.

Lots of hugs

Our LO only really grieved the 1st day we brought him home, really broke down asking for FC. He hasn't grieved outwardly like that ever since. It did worry me and still does. I would take it as a positive if you can that she is able to already trust you to grieve in that way. He does say he misses FC etc but he has never cried about it.

Sympathy from me too, I remember our son went through this too. It was utterly heart breaking and still makes me tearful when I think of it.

As you say, it's a good sign as it shows she has an attachment and is processing the loss, but that doesn't make it easy to watch I know.

Don't know how old your little one is, but we reassured, cuddled, rocked him and said "we know you feel very sad" etc. rather than try to minimise how he felt. "We understand that you are missing the " etc.

The other thing that helped massively, and it's a personal choice for every new adoptive parent I know, is that we saw his FC quite early in the placement. Earlier than planned, about 4 weeks in. His sadness and anxiety lessened loads after that, we think becuase he somehow realised they would always be in his life and had not disappeared.

We still see FC and will continue contact a few times a year, we also talk about them often so he grows up knowing it's oK to talk about them.

Hugs x

Trinny I had already arranged to meet up with FC fairly soon after placement and to keep in touch for a while (recent research suggests gradually reducing contact is the best option when there is attachment to FC)...so I hope this will improve things.

Having said that, she was a little better today and there wasn't any prolonged grieving...just moments here and there.

Thanks for all your support everyone xxx

Let her see FC and just reduce contact gradually

Can you Skype or FaceTime FC?