Please reassure me I am not crackers

[Italiangreyhound]

Please reassure me I am not crackers.

How much actual work are kids doing in reception and what would they miss if they missed it

My adopted son is only just four and I am not sure how much work reception year he will do. I made the choice not to start him at school this academ,ic year yet as I wanted to get further advice from professionals who are specialists in adoption.

Today I spoke to the woman who will teach him if he goes to the local school this academic year, about something else related to the school. We ended up talking about ds which on reflection was a bad idea! She has put the wind up me by implying he may not be able to catch up. He is only just 4. I am incredibly depressed at the idea that at 4 he could fall behind.

My dd went to school as soon as she could (at four and nine months) and as someone who is dyslexic has really struggled.

Please could I ask anyone, just how much actual work are kids doing in reception and what would they miss if they missed it all or most of it? How much more valuable is time at home. My little one does three sessions of preschool a week and in the other times we go out to social events for kids twice a week and sometimes to local cafe, park or shops. He seems to want to spend a lot of time watching TV or just pottering and as he has only lived with us for less than 5 months I feel this is fair for him.

I just feel terrible that he is very young and there are lots of reasons for him not to rush right into school just yet so I think I am doing the right thing for him but I feel I have been made to feel selfish for holding him back!

I feel angry and sad and a bit confused so please go easy on me if you reply.

Thanks so much.

My son is behind. And I kept him down a class at nursery. It is so much more important to me that he grows up happy - and is secure.

I know you probably think he is securely attached to you. But in 5 months time you will realise how much more attached he is.

My friend lived abroad and didn't go to school until she was 7. She moved over here when she was 11 with poor literacy. She ended up going to Oxford uni.

Don't let the teacher wind you up. Do writing with him and lots of reading and singing nursery rhymes ( was told by 2 separate schools how important nursery rhyme are recently). You don't need a school to do that...

Remember also your son may need to regress - he can do that in his pre-school and at home without feeling peer pressure to be "all grown up". Of course you will worry when people make comments like that teacher but I honestly think you are doing the right thing. He needs a strong, emotional and secure platform - you are helping him build that.

Can he go into reception a year late? Ime (working with foster carers)the time at home is much more valuable and too many kids are rushed into school / new schools after a move.

Reception is the foundation for the rest of his learning, sharing, listening, asking questions, learning to read and write, understand numbers, shapes etc. Lots of outdoor physical play, building up strong muscles for all the writing he'll be doing in Y1 onwards. Exploring his environment, growing things, watching chicks hatch, watching caterpillars turn into butterflies etc.
Playing in the sand and water, developing good hand/eye co-ordination necessary for writing when older.
However, the law changed recently and he can go into reception a year later and not straight into Y1. The school have to agree, but there should be no reason why they don't. Your son would stay with that cohort whereas previously children who stayed down a year had to join their age cohort at some point.

My friend had a child doing badly in school here at 6. She went to live in Sweden and he had to wait till he was 7 to go back, as they start at 7 there.

He had to learn a new language, and was still gifted and talented and top of the class by age 11.

My (adopted) kids are only 1 and 2 but I am glad that we live in Scotland and therefore they won't start school till they are 5.5. I'm not an expert but I'm sure that he will not miss out on anything that important. Building up attachment and spending time together is, I'm sure, much more important.

Would strongly advise looking into him starting reception next year, not straight into y1. It might not look like 'work' to us but as mygrandchildren says, it really is the foundation for their learning.

I used to be a Reception Nursery Nurse. I always felt like some of the children were just not ready for it. In my view (not suggesting I am an expert am sure others will know better than me) I think starting before the child is ready can set them back. The relationship a child has with school is critical as it builds the foundation for later life.
You could meet with the school to see what learning they think your DS would be missing and then build this into your play together and trips to the park making learning fun. It may be worth you spending half a day with reception and year 1 now, so this time next year you can asses which entry point suits him the most.
you know him better than anyone and know how to meet his needs best.

I agree, if you can get their agreement, it would be much better to allow him to start reception next year. He will be so much more ready and will also be at an advantage being older. My ds's school would be fine with this. In fact ds has a boy in his class a year older than the rest for this reason. Your ds will be able to learn and take things in much better when he has been with you for longer.
for you

Hels thank you so much.

letsplaynice, mygrandchildrenrock and slkk - maybe he can, I hope so but school not being very accommodating.

Greenrememberedhills fabulous, my friend lives in Sweden and I am a fan of their school system.

Chicklette Great, hope all goes well for them when the time is right.

auntybookworm thanks, I have tried to be open to school but I feel scared now as they just seem to want to sing the same old song "He needs to be with us, give him to us, we want him......." Or at least that is what it feels like!

Thanks TheFamilyJammies.

I would be looking at other schools. They seem to think they can do the bonding for you

England has one of the youngest school starting ages, it's bonkers. In NZ they all start on their 5th birthday, it's a lovely system.

Don't doubt yourself, right now he needs to be with YOU.

... and it's not as if you are keeping him locked up at home is it? He's getting plenty of interaction with others & a good balanced life. He needs security & love... abc's can wait. Easily.

Thanks ChippingInLatteLover and TheFamilyJammies sadly both local schools are similar and with no second car I can't really go to the nearest town (one car and dh works full time so needs it). I just need the school to see it my way!! Ha ha. I just need to hunker down for a fight! I am sure they would think they are being accommodating, they said he could do part time for whole of reception. It is just so hard to make them see it my way and it makes me doubt myself a lot!

Thanks again.

Italian, my dd will be 4 next week so theoretically is a great age for school next sept - 4 yrs and 11 months but I'm still not sure I'll send her. Although home a lot longer than your ds, she's emotionally young. Listen to your gut that's telling you he's not ready and let him have the advantage of age. I know the system is different in the UK compared to here - here the child must be in school before their 6th birthday and the parent decides when to send them - but surely there's some flexibility?

Thanks mineallmine. the flexibility is that they need to be in school by the term after they turn 5, or home educated. Prior to that the school can say yes to part time etc. We will see what the educational psychologist says.

DS went straight into Reception when he was placed with us (he had already started at FC (part time)), it wasn't actually even something mentioned to us that he shouldn't continue.

So we had half term, when he started his new school in reception shortly after the other children. I wouldn't say he is 'behind' as such, but he does sit with other children who tend to struggle with their reading and writing etc, so they can provide him with more focus. He especially struggles with concentration more than anything.

If I was to go down the route of starting him later, I would then ask for him to be placed in Reception and not straight into Yr1 the following year. He has learned so so much in Reception and undoubtedly would not have been able to cope with Yr1 if he hadn't - as he does struggle with the increase of work load etc.

Reception is very useful, but not the end-all be-all of learning. In my experience he would be more likely to miss the "ground training" of how to function in school, rules (explicit and unwritten) etc, at the same time as all the other children are learning it -but that can be sorted fairly quickly if you are aware of it.
My personal experience is that my DD (not adopted, an August baby and a fairly anxious/cling cild at that age) struggled HORRIBLY in reception. She was so worried the whole time that she hardly learned anything, and on top of that we saw very clear and negative personality changes in her. We stuck with it hoping she would settle, but she didn't -she suffered through the whole year. That summer, we removed her from school and home educated her -it actually took several months to fix the "aversion" that she had gotten and start making progress. We home educated her for 2 years and sent her back to school for year 3, and she was behind in a few things (and ahead in others) but she did catch up. And it was smooth and easy, because she was ready. I regret sending her to reception in retrospect. (My son was a different sort of child, and went to reception normally nd did fine with it.)

Hi, I just wanted to add my voice of reassurance. I think your ds will gain far more in terms of attatchment and security by spending that time with you than he will ever miss out on by skipping (or preferably delaying) reception. I far prefer the Scottish system and speaking as a teacher, find the children far too young at four to be starting formal education. My DD is four and doesn't have her pencil grip yet or any desire to learn to read. Fortunately she has another year in nursery to access a largely independent, play based system (with a bit of corner time and teacher input but no forced jobs that she is not ready to access) .........Far better that both she and your DS focuss on getting ready to learn by practicing sharing, turn taking etc at home or in a mum and child environment (think bookbug/ peep)....Somewhere where he can work on the soft skills he will need at the same time as building his security and attatchment to you.
Don't let that teacher faze you, you are spot on (in my opinion!)
From what a previous poster suggested, you would have excellent grounds to ask for admission to reception a year later, which would be ideal.

Wanted to add good luck with your decision and spotted loads of spelling mistakes in my reply to you, Ooops! Practising and focus. Will put it down to the cold!

Hi, you can google early years foundation stage curriculum and find the 'expected' levels of attainment for end of reception. They include:
For numeracy, counting to 20 and back; counting up to 20 objects; adding/subtracting by counting on/back. Recognising, naming, describing 2d and 3d shapes (eg a square has four equal sides).
For literacy, about yellow level reading, but it is very common for children to still be on pink at the end of the year and nobody says that that means they will never catch up!

Other important things they learn is changing clothes for PE, sitting still to listen, asking for help. These are things you can easily practice at home too.

What you can't learn at home is what nonninouse says: how school works, all the rules etc. but there is no reason why DS with the right support shouldn't be able to catch up. Also don't forget school will be able to claim PPP for him, so will be able to afford that support.

It is not to everyone's liking but my DS played with 'reading eggs' for a while instead of watching TV and in 3 months or so learned all the letter sounds, learned to blend, and then started reading songbirds phonics books with me (45 minutes/day reading eggs, then 15 minutes/day reading) so perhaps that or something similar would be worth looking into? (Reading eggs also has a maths thing which DS enjoyed)

But over all, a school that gives up on children as hopelessly behind when they are only five years old should not be allowed to call itself school.
They should be able to take wildly different starting levels even at y1 in their stride, differentiate appropriately, and HELP your DS to catch up.

Also IMO one reason why it takes kids here so many years to learn to read is because they start too soon. A bit like potty training, where the saying goes, start at age 2, finish at age 3 (after a difficult year with much cleaning up); or; start at age 3 and finish at age 3. After a week or so.

Of course some kids potty train at 2, and some kids learn to read at 4; but many kids if you'd leave them until age 6; they'd be able to get 2.5 years worth of learning to read into half a year, simply because they'd be ready.

Thanks Buster and Nonnimouse, very encouraging.

Oscarandelliesmum I do wonder what will happen at secondary level if he does start reception in the year below. Any thoughts, please? No worries about typos or spelling mistakes. I have been asked if English is my second language on here before now (I have a degree in English Literature and was an English language teacher!)

64x32x24, thanks so much. oh changing clothes for PE, I can see this being a problem as ds is a bit 'lazy' with that! Re Also don't forget school will be able to claim PPP for him, so will be able to afford that support. Do you know, can the preschool claim that too? Thanks agree learning to read too early is counter productive.

thanks all.