Emotional rollercoaster

[dimples76]

I feel wiped out this evening after a week of experiencing pretty much every emotion under the sun! The week started very well as I finally met the LO's SW and she was very excited about the match and I am now linked! I feel that it's a very good match for me and was high as a kite for the rest of the week.

Today however, I feel I have been brought down to earth. I was at my Mum's house to celebrate my Gran's b'day and it was a big family get together. My Mum and Gran had told everyone about the link prior to the party so when I arrived I expected to be met with congratulations/questions but there were none. We had some fizzy to toast my Gran. My Mum made the toast and then she also toasted my cousin and his wife who are expecting their first baby in November. She said nothing about me - I wasn't expecting her to as the day was about my Gran but the fact that she singled out my cousin did really hurt. A bit later I did get a few questions but - I guess I should be careful what I wish for! My uncle's helpful question was what happens if he does not like you?!

Sorry for the moan, I know I am really lucky and just need to focus on becoming a Mum and ignore the rest but I was looking forward to celebrating with my family. I think maybe retail therapy tomorrow and getting on with my LO's bedroom will help.

You poor thing! That's really rubbish.

If it helps, my experience is that people perhaps aren't sure what the right thing is to say, so don't say anything. It's a shame because you end up missing out on the big cloud of well wishing that most people take for granted when becoming parents.

On the plus side, some of the clangers I've heard, I'd have rather they'd kept their mouth shut.

It'll be better when they are presented with an actual wee one, promise.

You poor thing! That's really rubbish.

If it helps, my experience is that people perhaps aren't sure what the right thing is to say, so don't say anything. It's a shame because you end up missing out on the big cloud of well wishing that most people take for granted when becoming parents.

On the plus side, some of the clangers I've heard, I'd have rather they'd kept their mouth shut.

It'll be better when they are presented with an actual wee one, promise.

Dimples I think people do not really know what to say. I also think sometimes it is really best to hold back until things are really finalised (IMHO). There will be plenty if time for celebrating in the future and for now I would just enjoy the peace and quiet and keep the good news in for yourself. I know it is hard.

Good luck and keep us posted.

When you are ready to share with people I would give them a heads up as to how to deal with it, I know it may seem obvious to us but I do really think people who have not been through this are just a bit stumped how to talk about it.

I think people don't know when to congratulate you. I have two birth children and after each birth we were drowning in cards and presents. When we adopted a third we got just two cards. I think people thought it was too soon and he wasn't legally ours yet.

Eventually, once the adoption became legal, we threw an official welcome party for him. It was a massive do (80 guests) and he got two further cards and one pressie. By then everyone knew him and he'd been around for months so it was too late.

I realise this probably sounds like I was only interested in the presents (!) but the contrast between response to the birth kids and the adopted one was stark.

So anyway, CONGRATULATIONS, to you. You deserve it. How are you feeling now? How's the prep going? Have you bought stuff?!

Once ds is legally part of the family we will have a dedication for him at church and a party and we hope people will celebrate. It is more complicated than a birth in the sense it has so many stages, decision to adopt, approaching agency/county, getting approved, getting matched, start of placement and final legal bit! Maybe I even missed some out!

Oh Dimples thank you because you have inspired me to start my own thread on a slightly related 'issue', which I will now do!

Thanks for your comments. Not feeling so sorry for myself today! I think it was not so much that they were not making a fuss of me but it was more the contrast between how they treated me and my cousin and his wife which as many of you have said is probably because they don't know what to say. If I'm totally honest I think there was a fair bit of jealousy on my part as well.

It's not that I worry about them supporting me post placement it's just that I wanted to share my happiness with my family and as I'm single if I can't celebrate it with them it makes for a rather lonely experience. Of course there are still hurdles to go to get to placement but (and I know this is very cliched) I always tend to hope for the best but prepare myself for the worst. I remember when I left home a dear family friend gave me a card which stated a pessimist may be proved right in the end but an optimist will have more fun along the way.

I'm not really buying stuff yet other than a rug which would work for a different age/sex but I have done a lot of window shopping and price comparisons so have picked out cot, car seat etc.

Any way today I got a card from my Dad (not at the party) saying how proud he is of me and what a wonderful mum he thinks I'll be - so that was a very well timed boost and I will count my blessings.