residential School

[sugarfix]

DS is 9, been with us 7 years.
He's amazing but so challenging. For years it was all put down to attachment / trauma / adoption stuff.
Now an asd / adhd diagnosis has been given.
One professional (not an Adoption one) thinks he needs an asd residential schools. Weekly boarding (home for the weekend).
My instant thought is NO. How can I send away a child with his anxiety / attachment / abandonment issues.
Have looked at the schools (online) that are being suggested - and I am really amazed at how nice they look and how much input the children get (therapy, specialist teaching, high ratios, own bedrooms etc)
Has anyone faced this with their adopted child with asd? How did it go?
He seems so young, and I just want to do the right thing by him.

God what a difficult decision for you. I think only you can know what is best for your son. Talk to him about it, gauge his reaction.

I went to boarding school and hated it, but my two brothers adored it, it's different for everyone. Good luck in whatever you choose

From a different perspective, I have worked at a residential school for children with ASD and epilepsy and the kids there were looked after beautifully, the standards that had to be adhered were really high, staffing ratios and specialist inputs were also fantastic.

Why is it being suggested that he goes there? is it to support you?

this professional thinks the 24 hour curriculam will bring him on so much (social delays, learning difficulties, behaviour issues, needs fixed routine, hates change) needs constant 1:1 to stay on task / calm... but even with 1:1 in mainstream - he's not really coming on in his learning. some bits are, but some aspects he is functioning so low and even with constant work he never retains concepts / generalises. learns it one day - gone the next. verbally he can appear so 'with it' at times, but he can't then add 5 and 2 without counting out 5 fingers then counting out 2 fingers then starting from 1 then try and count them all. i just don't know. it feels wrong becayse he is adopted and so anxious about any seperations. even the school day is so hard for him. but it also feels wrong to dismiss high level intervention, which may give him a shot at independant or semi independant living eventually. such a hard decision and my hear and head are miles apart.

I know boarding school is such an emotive subject, but with the adoption and special needs as well it feels like there is no one I can talk to about it, as I don't know anyone with a child with all his complexities that it also adopted which of course brings so many issues as well.

Does the choice have to be between residential school and his current school situation? Could he not transfer to a special school?

We're struggling to see where he fits... Too low and needs more than mainstream can support much longer but he's too high functioning for our la's special school (which is for children with pmld and sld) needs somewhere that can manage his sensory needs, anxiety, he needs lots of ot, salt and physio (all daily programs) plus needs so much help with learning as had dyslexia and dyspraxia as well as asd and adhd and all his attachment issues.

Only 1 professional has suggested this. Everyone else have said that mainstream not meeting his needs, but no suggestions for where could. Nothing locally it seems - if I hear the phrase "he is very complex" one more time - I think I will have a meltdown myself.

How far away is the pml/sld special school? Could it be an option for him to sort of "share" between the two schools (say, morning in mainstream, afternoons in the special) I would also say, go and visit the special school, don't dismiss it out of hand. Our local special school is also for profound and severe learning difficulties, my son attends it (and he does have severe needs) but a large number of the students have needs that are in my opinion very moderate. My friend's child also attends and he can read, write, run around, has great speech etc. they even have employed some ex-students as learning support so that gives you an idea of their needs. I'd go and have a look before deciding.

Our ds attends SEN day school, they have all support services at school
including SID's Specialist unit and outreach facility's for mainstream school's, also lots of other out of school activity's, and weekend residential
centre too learn life skills etc.
Would have a good look around and visit as many as you can as we did .
WE EVEN MOVED HOUSE.

OP, I'm not sure if this will help at all as I'm coming from the childs side.
As an adopted person with no attachment problems but quite severe learning difficulties, however nice the school was I would have felt dumped.
This is not to say that your ds would feel like this though.
To me the most important thing about being adopted was knowing what my parents went through to have me and my dsis. I really felt wanted, not like other parents who had to have their dc.
This was my saving grace when life was tough.
I know it would have broken my heart to have had a residential schooling.

Please don't think I'm being judgemental though, I know you are trying to do the best for your ds and I'm even considering boarding school for my dd, so its not like I'm against residential schools.

Are you in a position to H.ed your ds, it can be the best form of education for some children? I know it may not be possible for you but just thought it worth a mention.

is there no school within taxi distance? even though I championed residential special school he doesnt sound 'complex' enough!

He needs 24/7 attention. We are pretty exhausted at home. Do you think this is the professional trying to word it kindly " You're not coping" He may be completely right.

Are social services involved with you and your family? I think post-adoption support should be able to give you some guidance. It is a major decision and something I have considered for my own adopted ds aged 10.

That would make more sense Sugarfix, I wouldn't think that residential school would be an option just for learning personally. What are you struggling with?

Needs constant support for everything, can't do anything independently (home or school). Massive meltdowns, aggressiveness, can't handle changes to his routine. He is so demanding and impulsive - his behaviour impacts on everyone (not our only child - all have significant special needs). When everything suits him - he is wonderful, but when life is not going his way - he is such hard work.

Thanks for the input from everyone. Post adoption are involved - hope they will help us think this through and assess the impact that this would have on him due to his attachment issues. Problem is adoption professionals see everything in attachment terms, medical professionals see his asd / ADHD... Getting someone to see the whole picture to give us balanced advice is so hard.

OP, I think sometimes you have to do what's best for the whole family. If you feel you're not coping, then you have to do what you can and if that means changing your son's school so that he gets the support he needs, then so be it.

You don't want to look back in ten years' time at a family that is fraught and destroyed by one person's behaviour and think, "Well, everyone has had a terrible time and suffered tremendously but at least we all stayed together."

I know you have good times with your son, too, and with the right type of education and home visits every weekend, I think those times will be more frequent. If you are all struggling he will pick up on that tension, it will affect his behaviour and he will be less happy.