Catch up and thoughts

[Kewcumber]

Have been a bit preoccupied over the summer and not been well this last week and the other thread has shamed me into being a bit more visible. Also prompted by recent events at school and at my Dad's today...

Some of you will know the issues DS had at school last year - teacher really didn't "get" the problem, thinks DS's outbursts are attention seeking temper problems (partly true) and doesn't see how they can possibly be linked to adoption because after all he was too young to remember it

Came up with an approach instead of time-out called "Time alone" (complete with badge" and was slightly baffled when I pointed out that sounded just like time-out. "But it doesn;t say time out on the badge" - yes but he's not scared of the word but the separation and exclusion... blank look...

School finally (after extreme episode in school) agreed DS needed more help (could write an essay about this abortive attempt but at least they accepted it finally). After about 3 months they asked me what I thought of Family Futures as they would be prepared to train the teacher how to best handle him. Very happy with this and fingers crossed they get it organised.

I'm also pressing for an EP with adoption experience to assess him as he has query insecure attachment and executive processing issues but only currently suggested by social worker who doesn;t know him just based on how he presents on paper.

But the good news is...

Met his new teahcer (new to school too) to explain the issues (which never get properly briefed one year to the next) and I explained how institutionalised children are affected and she said "Oh don;t worry I know all about it, my sister was adopted from CHina. How about instead of time out when he needs to be removed from a situation I sent him on an errand somewhere else in the school for me".

I think I may actually have fallen to the floor and kissed her feet.

I have great hopes for this year!

And today we went down to see my father for the first time - he is an arse and totally ignored my letter to him about adopting DS.

He wants to be more involved as he has lost touch with his other two children and 5 other grandchildren (due to being an arse).

HE has been allowed to visit us at rugby on a Sunday morning occasionally with his reward if he behaved reliably with DS of us going to have lunch at his place.

So off we finally went (after 18 months!) today.

When DS told him that he's started on brass lessons in school my father produced my grandfathers trumpet (he was a semi-professional musician and just loved his trumpet, was never far from it). and the two of them poured over it with DS showing him what he's learnt so far and my Dad producing an old photo of my grandfather and 3 of his brothers (one of whom had the same name as DS) with their instruments in the Salvation Army band in about 1926. With my Dad saying "At last another Kewcumber playing the trumpet"

I know other adopters would understand because I find it hard to articulate why I found the whole experience so touching that my arse of a father gave his Dad's coveted trumpet to DS in order to "pass it down through the family".

Oh crickey thats a bit of an essay

Cool Kew how fabulous, good new teacher, your dad not being an 'arse' and things going well! So pleased for you. Sorry school has been so crap in the past.

Hope things continue to go well.

In the grand scale of things Italian, school isn;t even particularly crap. Just the usual run of the mill "don;t get it" kinda uselessness. I've heard similar tales from other schools. Particularly if children were adopted younger - they don;t see what the problem is.

kew that trumpet story made me well up... how wonderful.

Another here with watery eyes! What a truly magical moment!
And as for school fingers crossed it sounds very promising! :)

Absolutely lovely Kew.
Great that the teacher is there and hopefully she'll share her knowledge of adoption with the rest of the staff which might in time aid a smoother ride through the school for your boy.
Trumpet! Fab! Your boy has taught you dad a great lesson.

Wonderful that your DS now has a teacher who "gets it". My DD also plays the trumpet. It was quite painful at first but now that she can carry a tune it's much better!

I can't get a sound out of that instrument. Instead of the air going into the trumpet my cheeks puff up, much to DD's amusement.

Ah, lots of good news! Brilliant!

We keep getting the "but DD is so settled" schtick especially talking about things like school choices. As if losing a birth family is something that small children just get over with no problems at all if they are young enough not to remember...

So glad to hear from you Kew!

And I'm so pleased to hear abut the lovely teacher and Family Futures. Your father and the trumpet is just so wonderful

Family giving family heirlooms is an absolute gesture that they see your child as a real, full part of the family, exactly the same as a blood relative. Passing heirlooms through bloodlines to safeguard is such a traditional and strongly ingrained part of our society/history after all, that showing that your adopted grandchild is exactly the same as a blood relative to you, is really powerful. It's not the same as just saying 'oh I love him/her just the same', when it comes to your most precious objects with such value, that we would never give to anyone to safeguard except our (responsible) younger generation. Actions speak a lot louder than words.

Great news about the teacher Kew
I'm a believer that actions speak louder than words, the fact your father passed it down through the family....well I think we here understand just how much that means.

Trumpet thing made me cry a bit. Fab story.

Lovely update Kew. The trumpet story made me grin - what a gorgeous thing. Pleased you finally seem to have been met with success with a teacher...

Am waiting for Lilka to start the annual update thread. We had an absolute fricking nightmare for 8 weeks - triggered by hubby having to vanish almost over night with no warning when his Dad got v sick - and then being away for a long time (I didn't go - thank goodness) but DS's behaviour deteriorated over night. I knew why but there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless. I was on my knees - and then, as if I clicked my fingers, everything went back to normal. So I too have been away from the board.

And Kew - you and Devora and Lilka and KristinaM definitely deserved that lovely thread.

Thanks for posting - and such a heartwarming post, too.

I'm another one crying at the trumpet being passed through the family and also so pleased about the teacher

Lovely story about your Dad. Part of our family have chosen to not get involved in our journey, I can relate to it being difficult, perhaps a Hugh turning point for you Dad and his relationship with you all.

Sounds like things are looking up with the school ??