Another sleep question...

[Lillyludge]

Hi all...looking for some advice here. I'm single with DS (5)...that may be relevant!

I'm mid introductions with AC who is 20 months. She's a real sweetheart

FC warned that there were sleep issues but they are becoming clearer to me now.
LO really struggles with sleeping in her cot (naps and nighttime). She bashes herself against the bars and can, and will climb out (shes a real climber!).

She will easily fall asleep in the car though (she spent her early months sleeping only in a car seat so this may seem normal to her), and will happily get into normal beds and snuggle (though I don't think she's ever slept in one).

FC seems to try not to let her nap during the day, in the hope she will sleep better at night...but I think it rarely works. It sounds like she is up very late, wakes often during the night and usually ends up sleeping on sofa (with FC in room too).

I'm wondering how best to deal with this when she moves in...
Would I be better to drive her round and transfer her to cot? Or should I transfer her straight into toddler bed (as she seems to be better without the restraints of a cot)? Or should
I try straight away a 'normal' bedtime routine?
Or should I try and replicate what FC's are doing (although its not really a routine) even though it might makes things difficult with DS's bedtime?

If there really isn't a routine then I would make sure you keep continuity through transitional objects (same cup, sleep sack or duvet, pillow, toys, PJs etc) and then gently build up a routine that makes sense to you. I send you lots of energy and empathy, as my AD struggles with sleep and it's flipping hard work! I am now totalitarian about the routine, because deviation causes hours of upset. If she can't let go and relax, I hold her until she drops off - this is less often these days, but can take a long long time some nights.

I am guessing, but if she settles to sleep better when sitting up and feeling semi-restrained, could you try settling her to sleep on your lap (next to whatever you decide she's sleeping in) and transfer her over once she drops off? This is easiest if she's using a sleep sack, as you can pop her in it pre-cuddle, and she will stay cosy through the transfer to cot/bed. I wouldn't try the driving round approach, because it will become a bind very quickly, and what are you going to do with your DS if it takes hours?!

If she is used to finally sleeping with someone else in the room, could you put a spare bed in her room, or have her cot bed in with you? Sounds like you may need to be a reassuring presence for her, so you might as well be comfy.

Re a daytime nap, you may have to try it and see. My AD slept so deeply during her nap (and would happily do two hours!) that she wouldn't then settle until late at night. She is a bit older than yours, so I was brutal and cut the nap (but brought bedtime earlier). Maybe you could try a morning nap, so your little one is ready when evening bedtime comes round?

I sympathise with the bashing against the bars too - we had this. In the end I took the side off the cot bed, and rolled up a fleece blanket into a long sausage, and tucked it lengthwise under the sheet to provide a sort of nudge not to roll out of bed. And then child-proofed stripped the room of course! She has slept better, and done herself less harm, since being in more of a bed. I don't think she's ready for a proper bed yet, but if she grows any taller I may have to re-think!

'The Shrunks Inflatable Bed Guard' - I found this useful for travelling, but maybe it might be helpful for AD? Similar to upsydaisymustdie's fleece idea.

Hello again, upsydaisymustdie!

Our LO had no daytime nap and fell asleep downstairs at the fc whenever she wanted and was then carried upstairs to her cot in the fc's bedroom..... We were told she wouldn't nap and wouldn't go to bed

When LO moved in with us I started as I meant to go on, own room, nap every day and an actual bed time.... Our LO absolutely relished it and other than a 30 min cry/laugh/kick cot/cry again/laugh again routine to see what I would do the first time I napped her (that was seriously the hardest 30 mins ever as I sat in the room with my head bowed, so physically there but not engaging) she has been amazing.... She even sometimes walks upstairs and says "read story" when she wants to go....

I know some would disagree with my choices but it worked for us, and that's what it's all about IMO, ask for and listen to advice and then make the best choir for your own family... Everyone does it differently....

Good luck.....x

We had a similar experience to bberry and it's worked wonders for our little one, and we think having a routine from the off once placed helped give her some sense of normality in the first few challenging weeks. Good luck with whichever route you decide.

I find that plenty of fresh air and activity during the day helps my LO to sleep.

Yes machair, park/soft play/swimming plays a big part in our life.... My LO is very physical so I like to use all that energy up productively too.... ??

Thanks for the advice everyone. It's heartening to know that none of you have suggested I stick to FC 'method'!
I was starting to get really worried about it!

I'm not sure whether it's the restraint of the car seat or the position that LO likes. She's not keen on being cuddled so I think it's probably the position...not sure what I can do about that...

Yes to the exercise...she likes swimming and being outdoors so that should work well.

Upsy, I like your suggestion of the sausage roll
Conveniently, the cot I have converts into a little bed. I think I'm going to try her in that with a sausage roll and put a stair gate across her door to keep her safe...and just see how it goes

Wish me luck for moving in day (and night!)

Hi Lilly congrats on your intros and good luck for moving in day. I totally agree, start as you mean to go on. Routine is key! Sometimes that has been missing but I also had the feeling with our DC that often they woke up and there were new people all of a sudden and DC was in a different place. DC had 5 moves in a short space of time when very young so I think there was some anxiety about going to sleep and not knowing what was going to happen. Our DC did not like cuddles but that didn't last long and hopefully it will be the same with your LO x also you may have to try a bit of everything at first. Good luck

Our DS has been with us nearly a year and was older than your LO, when he moved in (just under 2.5).

We were dreading nighttime as it had always been a nightmare for the foster carer...but from the very first night, it was fine! Sure - over the months, we have had the odd blip (usually, I can figure out why the blip might have come about).

His foster parents said that they had a routine - but on reflection - I don't think they really did (they had young teens who frequently needed ferrying to places in the evening and so DS had to go with them when he should have been in wind down mode...)

He was also still in a cot...and used to bash his head against the bars. We put him in a little toddler bed, with soft cushioning (in a sausage!) all round - and he loves it. Out of over 300 nights, he has probably woken up 10 times - and yet at foster family it was almost every night.
I think what I am trying to say is that it may be ok - I completely understand that you think it will be a problem, but in new surroundings, in the "forever" home, it may not be....

Good luck. Hope it goes well.

Lovely to hear all these happy sleeping stories, often we imagine and fear the worst and it's usually a lot easier than we think ??