DS not sleeping through the night alone, should I cosleep?

[nothingcomestonothing]

Hello all,

I haven't posted for a while but have been lurking. My last post was about my DD, this one is about DS.

DS is 2yrs10m, and has been home just over a year. He has his own bedroom and goes to bed okay at 7pm every night - after a few cursory 'don't like my bed' complaints which are really just a formality he will have hugs and kisses and go to sleep fine, literally in a few minutes usually. He then wakes every single night, some time between 11.30 and 3am, and cries for me and when I go in just wants to sleep in mummy's bed. I put him in my bed with me and he'll go back to sleep until 6/6.30am.

I am shortly due to go back to work after my adoption leave, and am wondering what to do in order to be on some level functioning. When I go to bed I can't get to sleep because I'm waiting to be woken up, then usually I drift off just as he wakes me! So I'm wondering whether, to cut out the middle man as it were, I should just put him to bed as now, then when I go to bed get him out of his bed and put him in mine? I can't put him in there from the start, partly because he doesn't actually want to sleep in there without me, and partly because DD who is extremely jealous would demand to have the same and them none of us would get any sleep, at all ever.

I know some non adopters will now probably come along and say things about have to learn, rod for own back etc but at this point in our relationship DS just needs to know I'm there. And now I'm going back to work I need to find a way to get a bit more sleep myself. So is this idea any good, or can anyone suggest something please?

My mum would come and sleep in my bed when I couldn't sleep after a bad dream or something. I never slept in their bed.

Having her cuddle me helped me go to sleep ad if anything after a while I would get to hot with her cuddling me in my single bed as be glad when she left.

Perhaps try this so he is used to going back to sleep in his own bed with you and the take a step back as lay next to him on top of the covers, then sit on the bed, then sit next to the bed until you can finally just reassure him from the door and go back to your own bed straight away.

Each time for the above once he is asleep I would go back to your own bed.

Good luck.

Oh also I would put a pillow where your body was so he feels the same comfort of your presence.

Loads of parents sleep with the children for part or all of the night. It can be lovely! Especially if you're returning to work soon - extra time together, even sleeping, is so good. They go through phases anyway. DS (not adopted) is almost 5, and at the moment comes in maybe half the time, but a couple of month ago was barely coming in at all. So if he appears we budge up for him, or one of us leaves and sleeps somewhere else for the rest of the night. You won't be making a rod. As you sound keen, go for a relaxed attitude and see how it works out.

DS did this - I taught him to get up and get in with me... I barely woke in the end. It worked much better and I slept well enough with him there.

Doh - it never even occurred to me to get in with him instead! Will definitely try it, though as his bed is 2'6" with a bedguard it'll be cosy! Plan B is try to train him to come in himself - I am a bit worried he'll go off piste and try to climb in with DD instead which might be interesting! Thanks all.

My DD came into us every night (at some stage) until she was about 7. DS (now 5.5) comes in every night - I wake up in the morning and he's there. We sleep fine and they are secure and happy. DD (11) wouldn't dream of trying to sleep in our bed now (too crowded for one) so it's not the end of the world to co-sleep - especially if they start off the night in their own beds.

We adopted about 18-months ago and we've done lots of co-sleeping with our little boy, who is now 3.5.

I always think of it as I missed the baby bit of his life, where we would definitely have had him in our bedroom for the first six months - and by allowing him to co-sleep it's helping to create some of the experiences we missed out on.

Margot Sunderland talks about co-sleeping in What Every Parent Should Know - and she claims that children who are allowed to co-sleep, will grow up to be happier and more independent.

Hi

I think you are in What Works territory with adopted children and sleep. It is so much more important that they feel secure and that you have the rest you need to tackle the day, than that your family conforms to any prescribed model of where and how kids should sleep.

We do something similar for DS who is 7 sleeping in our bed was getting ridiculous but he still gets v anxious, so he has a mattress on our floor as required.

DD is now mostly happy to sleep through but at your sons age I spent many an hour conked out on her floor in a sleeping bag! I would say bringing him to your bed will have the additional advantage that hopefully he won't wake and become distressed, and will therefore get a better nights sleep. We have done similar for DS and there was a noticeable behavioural improvement when he wasn't rousing fully in the middle of the night.

Have you a plan B for DD if she also decides she wants to join you? Maybe a bed for her in your room?

We did this with our Dd for a couple of years after she was just waking every night. Made everyone's life easier. Sleep is so important and it just stopped the battles at 2am

It's ages since my kids were little - but we did plenty of co-sleeping. They are birth children - but whatever keeps you sane goes for all parenting.
Rather than sleeping in his bed I would get your own mattress on the floor. That way he's not used to you in his bed.

Sometimes, if they did end up on our bed overnight, I would carry them back through before they woke- so they woke in their own bed.

Lots of praise in the morning for when he does sleep through - or even if he just thinks he has

(I've always taken the view that if overall things are going in the right direction- then I'm happy. There will be hiccups.)

First night I tried getting in with him - worked a treat, I got out in 10 minutes (after clonking my elbow on the bedguard about 15 times!) and he slept alone in his bed til 5.30. Second night he was very clear that what he wanted was 'no mummy me bed, me mummy bed!', then I ended up with DD in as well because she was anxious about going to a party today. Tonight I have told him that if he wants me in the night he is to do what DD does, i.e. just climb in, not shout for me and expect me to come and get him. He is only recently in a bed from a cot and obviously in a cot he couldn't get himself out, so it might not have occurred to him or he might just prefer shouting and me fetching him! Will see how we go. Thanks for the help.

Glad to see going in his bed worked once. Maybe try it again for a few nights next week or is him walking in to join you easier. (Not much joy for your sex life or for spreading out though).

Hope new plan goes well.