Introductions

[daisynut1980]

Hi, my and my husband were approved in March. I have been an avid reader of this board throughout our assessment process but this is my first post - hello everyone We were matched with an 18 month old little boy in May. We were at MP on Wednesday and start introductions in 2 weeks. We are obviously very excited but also very nervous! Does anyone have any advice or little tips?

Hi daisy. Many congrats!!! No advice from me as we start intro's next week but wanted to wish you all the best!

Welcome daisynut. Congratulations. Do you want advice specifically about introductions?

Do you yet have a plan of how they will take place?

My advice is:

Get lost of rest and sleep before they start, tie up any loose ends with work etc in good time, so you can go into this process refreshed and ready.

Ask the foster carers what you can bring if you will be sharing meals. This might just be lunchtime stuff, drinks, fruit etc - whatever, it will be a nice thing to do and can make an ice breaker to arrive with some nice cakes or something (IMHO).

During the process of meeting your new child try and be calm, take it as it comes, relax, the foster carer may be experienced or new to it all, they may be nervous. Ours was fabulous made me lovely cups of tea, talked to us loads and we really connected, which has made staying in touch much better and easier.

We tried to call ourselves Mummy and Daddy to our son from the start, he was 3 so a lot older but still better to start as you mean to go on.

We took gifts for our son, a teddy, and on the first day we gave it to him and said "Can you look after teddy for us and we will see you tomorrow." Again your son is quite young but you could do this.

On the last day we took flowers and a card for the foster carer.

Good luck. And Congratulations

Get lots of rest! Not lost!

We asked foster carer what toy to buy and she recommended a certain kind of teddy, she knew ds would like.

Congrats!

Sleep lots, enjoy your lie ins. Fill freezer with food. Treat yourself to a nice day out, or weekend away if you can.

Take a photo of your first meeting xxx

Hi Daisy, it's so exciting those first meetings! Hope it all goes well for you. I'd say write down about each day as much as possible. My DC loves to hear stories of when they were a "baby". I don't have any of those so I tell the stories of what we did each day in the run up to DC coming home. I would also say that it's so easy for us to fall in love straight away as we have had time to get used to LO and feel like we already know them. LO might not feel that way for ages. Don't get disheartened. And enjoy every minute. They grow up very quickly x

How exciting! Our DD was 17 months at intros and it's a great age.

My advice is not to tie yourself in to when your family will come over once he's home. Play it by ear and trust your instincts. Let yourself focus entirely on your wee one and his needs. He's just lost everything he knows and is depending on you 100%.

Funnelling is really important, don't feel bad about that, you're not being selfish.

Oh and don't worry if he sobs every time you arrive during intros, it's hard, but it's a good sign that he's bothered and understands a big change is happening. Offer comfort if he'll accept it.

Huge congrats and good luck.

Take the rest day during intros if it's offered.... You won't want to at all but do, it's exhausting and it gives you a day for an extra lie in and any last minute house clearing once you see what your child is doing/into at the fc's

Have some nice dinners in the freezer/fridge fir instant heat ups at night during intros.... We lived on takeaway fir the last 10 days and it was awful.... But we couldn't be bothered to cook.... It's mentally/emotionally exhausting... But wonderful

Go out and have a nice dinner/drinks.... With your hubby and a night with your friends too.... Get drunk... Let loose and enjoy a morning in bed doing nothing

Go fir a spa day

Congratulations

Thank you so so much for all your advice. Have taken all the little tips on board. The waiting is the hardest part. Seem to get more nervous as the wait goes on! We have met the Foster Carers however and they were really lovely and welcoming. We also had feedback from the SW today that our DVD and photo book have gone down a treat so was really nice to hear!

Again thank you everyone xx

Congratulations, we are three weeks into our DD moving in and couldn't be happier. Tips here are spot on - when you read that intros are exhausting believe they will be exhausting. I'd been told and I'd read and then it happened and wow, more exhausting than I thought possible. Our DD had amazing FCs who we got on with really well so we were lucky but do everything you can to make that relationship with FCs be as good as it can be. Your DS will be taking emotional cues from them. If you are in touch with them after your meeting ask them if they'd send you some photos and videos every day or so before you start intros with DS. If you aren't in touch with them see if you can get in touch. It made such a massive difference to us - no big 'reveal' - we were seeing her daily. Also means it's natural for us to send photos and notes back to them now she's with us and that is really appreciated and am sure will be good for our DD to see that when she's older.

As girls says, practice letting your family and friends know what you are and aren't happy with in the early days - what they understand in theory before you've met DS may be different from what they naturally want when they meet your DS in practice so use this time to keep reiterating how important funnelling and you time is. Be prepared to annoy them a lot as well when you don't let them cuddle your DS etc - use intros to really prep them for that if that's what you intend to do. It helped me as it wasn't just theory we were talking about a real little person.

Most of all enjoy, but expect to get most of your enjoyment starting when your DS moves in because then it's just you all together. A magical moment. And capture as much as you can in photos or video without missing the moment because in a few weeks time you will look back and think 'I thought DS was happy then.... but now I am starting to see what happy looks like...'. Or something along those lines.