Adoption advice needed

[lookingforsunshine]

Hello,
Can anyone give me some words of wisdom? We are hoping to adopt two children up to the age of 3. I've always said that I wanted a full year with children before they go to school-so we can have good, quality one:one time together. We have just been told about two lovely little ones-the oldest one would be 4 in January so should be going to school in September so I'd only get about 10 months with him. How much difference could extra few months make? I know I'm probably asking question that is impossible to answer...

Also, I was considering sending him to school after Christmas (so missing first term) but worried that might not be a good idea...maybe socially he will feel behind his peers and a bit left out. Any thoughts gratefully received!

Hi there, I think parenting is something you get the hang of on a day by day basis! Sometimes it's easier not to plan ahead too much. I have 3 children, 2 are at school. My eldest child is a July baby and I felt he wasn't ready for school in the September so I sent him in the January. He settled in straight away. He is now in year 3 and doing amazingly. My younger son started in September last year as he was just a bit more ready for it. If you send them to a pre school have a chat with the staff, they will have a good idea if he (and you) are ready for school. If he's adopted it may be that more time with you would be great. Good luck with the adoption hope everything goes really well.

Not an expert in any way, but I was told by our SW that if we adopted a school age child then they would start school right away with no intro period of us keeping them at home. I was quite shocked by this at the time, but at least in your case you will have 10 months with them at home so I would have thought that two more or less won't make much difference.

Also, it occurs to me that it might be good you being on leave for the first term of them starting school as you'll def be able to do drop off and pick up time easily without having to juggle your own work schedule too. This may not be a factor for you but when our son starts school he will definitely have to go early or late some days so that I can do a full days work. Am rather dreading the logistics but fortunately still have a full year to work out the details!

Congratulations on being matched by the way :-)

As I understand it, compulsory school age is the term after they are five (do check though) so as much as the school/SWs might grumble, they can't do anything until then.

Very exciting - if they're right for you, you'll make it work. Congratulations.

Having just got through the first week of school, and having to go back to work next week, I'd say reserve some time off for when they start school!

I don't have much experience of adoption per se but I know i don't want to go back to work next week at all, as Ds needs me so much before & after school, for meeting the other mums and for easing his way into school life.

Good luck whatever happens

lookingforsunshine just sharing my experiences!

As someone who is adopting a boy (now aged 4, 3 when he came) and not sending him to school until he is nearer 4 and half at the earliest, I would say....

Decide on the match based on the suitability of the child/children not their exact age.

Loosing out on parenting a child because you worry about missing 6 months at home would be a bad idea (IMHO). I know because I felt it too!!! I was all set wanting a child who would have at least a year at home with me before school.

My son will actually end up with almost a year at home but he is doing some preschool sessions to help him adjust and it feels totally right for us both for him to do this, but I have agonised over what was right and I totally get where you are coming from.

So my new ds will not start straight away (my choice) and I have only made this decision (with DH) because it is best for DS.

When we were going through matching I realised missing out on knowing this child because of when he turned 4 would be wrong for us, I did not want to miss out on him because of missing out on a few months at home with him.

Also, yes, you can send kids to school the term after they turn 5 (in England, check where ever you are too). You are not required to send children before they turn five.

Someone from our adoption support team said it can be helpful for our boy (and so maybe all LAC) to join school after other kids have settled. So our boy is the new one settling, after january or after Easter, getting help etc rather than all kids having trouble settling and it may be easier for him to slot into things as they are working (settled) than to join at the beginning. Anyway do get advice regarding your child (if he becomes so) and what is best for him, I am just saying what we choose for our ds.

TBH they are such hard work at times (! All kids, my birth daughter included) when they do do some sessions at school you will probably feel quite relieved. Well I have! We chose a preschool where he could go for as many or few as he wanted (we wanted) so that was our choice, two mornings a week to start.

I do think it is right to do what is best for you and the little ones and this may be different from me so just sharing my experiences!

I wouldn't try to plan now what might be best so far away - you might find that the 4yo regresses such that it would be madness to send them to school; you might find that they need the additional stimulation that school offers and you want some 1:1 time with the younger one. You just don't know at the moment.

Thanks for everyone's comments, very helpful.

FWIW our DS was 5yrs 9months when he was placed with us in the March, He is deaf and blind CP & epilepsy and we kept him at home until the October. One SW was po faced about it but all others involved were supportive.
I really felt he needed to know he was loved and felt secure before starting school. Yes he had got very high SN but in some countries formal education does not start until child is 7.
The cynic in me thinks the LEA was relieved as they did not have to supply a
1-1 straight away!!

Good luck

I have just had two boys placed with me (4 and 5- Reception and Year 1) and they are not going to school until after October Half Term so they have time to settle with us. SW have agreed to this.