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First prep training day tomorrow and I'm nervous

17 replies

CmonAutumn · 31/08/2014 16:40

Stage 2 begins tomorrow with the first of 3 prep days (not consecutive days - got a week between).
I'm feeling really jittery, like I have a job interview.
I'm really looking forward to the days and the info etc., it's the social aspect.
I'm absolutely rubbish at small talk and dread the words "let's go round the room and introduce yourself and tell us something about you".
Is it true that there will be social workers present, keeping an eye on our interaction?
At breaks and lunch my natural urge will be to withdraw with DH to a corner to whisper but I know I have to socialise and network and be a normal person.
Plese re-assure with positive tales from your study/prep days.

OP posts:
dimples76 · 31/08/2014 18:53

I found walking into the room the first time quite daunting but after that it was fine. I really enjoyed prep as I liked meeting people going through the same experience and I felt like I was making progress in my adoptionjourney.

The report the sw made about me during the prep course is part of my PAR. They were up front about that at the start of the course but it didn't really bother me. I think you just have to put your best foot forward but ultimately you need to be yourself. I am naturally quite shy but over the years I have trained myself to be better in these sort of situations. Maybe you could think ahead about ideas for questions you could ask people at the course. When I got my report on the course it made me cry (because they were so lovely about me).

I'm sure you'll be fine. Try not to worry and good luck.

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 31/08/2014 19:41

My take on this may not reassure you, but I hope it helps you.

SWs will absolutely be judging everything you say and do. You should treat it like a job interview, even the breaks.

The sessions can be really useful and interesting, but they are also a weeding out exercise.
Hope it goes well.

CmonAutumn · 31/08/2014 20:07

Thank you both.
Still scared, but determined.
dimples76 how lovely that your report was so nice.

OP posts:
dreamcometrue · 31/08/2014 20:32

Yup they judge but ours was very nice.
Make sure you ask a question, answer one too. Talk to other people and don't be argumentative!

dreamcometrue · 31/08/2014 20:35

Finished too early.
Yes treat it like an interview but remember it's not the ne all and end all.
Good luck and enjoy

CmonAutumn · 31/08/2014 20:40

Thank you dreamcometrue
I think I have an advantage already cause you lovelies have confirmed that it's 'assessed' Wink
Thank you

OP posts:
silverlinings79 · 31/08/2014 20:54

They are judging and they do write stuff down that you say! but it's not too bad, a lot of the couples including us did go do own thing for half of each lunch break just to take a breather, you do learn a lot and we have kept in contact with all the people in that prep group which is massively beneficial beyond the training, as you build a much needed support group. You'll be glad you did it in the end, promise :)

AngelsWithSilverWings · 31/08/2014 21:27

Good luck!

We enjoyed our prep course and met a group of lovely people we still consider to be good friends almost ten years later.

You will be assessed during the course but just be yourselves and try to relax.

We didn't have any social workers with us during the breaks but we did stick together as a group and chat over our tea and coffee and lunch.

We found the course really useful in helping us to decide what sort of children we could adopt and what level of contact we could support. It also helped us to understand the specific needs of adopted children.

CmonAutumn · 31/08/2014 21:31

Thank you.
I'm more excited than nervous now.
But that could be wine. Or a touch of nervous mania? Wink
I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks again for all advice and re-assurance.

OP posts:
slkk · 31/08/2014 21:56

Prep course was great for us. As some of the issues you will cover could be emotional it is natural for anyone to sometimes withdraw and spend time with partner during breaks so you won't be the only ones. Don't worry. Your sw will get to know you and your shyness very well in the course of the assessment and shouldn't hold this against you. However, it is worth trying to talk to others. Friends we met at prep group have been a great support through matching and early days of
placement. Others don't quite understand the journey and remember you won't have an nct/antenatal group like birth parents do and life at home with a lo can be lonely. Enjoy and good luck!

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 01/09/2014 21:18

How did it go? Hope it went well

Italiangreyhound · 01/09/2014 21:38

CmonAutumn how did it go? Good luck for next time. I am sure it will be fine.

My experienced was I found it fun, I enjoyed it all and I learnt A LOT.

My advice is for next time is:

Wear something comfortable, not a really short skirt that you are not comfortable in (like I did one of the days!) or painful boots (like I did on another day!!)

Be early (we were always late!) - being early means you can choose where to sit and you will be in the room as others arrive - easier to remember names etc and to be the smiling 'hi' person as people walk in. Whoever is already there when others arrive can sort of feel 'at home' (you've already got your coffee or tea, you know where the loos are etc) and so you can be a smiling face for those coming in late with no tea and needing the loo!

Remember you are being watched but try and be yourself. It's easier than you think! When your kid/s are with you then you will see there are so many situations where those social skills are helpful (if you have birth kids or have hung around schools you will already know this!). Situations like school plays, parent-teacher meetings, school meetings, play dates etc - all situations (IMHO) where it is useful to exhibit social skills like chatting to people you don't yet know, keeping things under control (feeling cross with teacher or a friends naughty child etc) and maybe being watched by other parents if your child has a tantrum!

I guess what I am saying as these skills might be useful later so try not to see it as a negative environment and more one where you get to show off your great skills and to ask questions, engage etc and really get your teeth into the situation!

All the best.

CmonAutumn · 01/09/2014 21:58

Thank you ItalianGreyhound I lurk a lot here and always find your posts so helpful and nicely put.

Today was fine.
We weren't actually scrutinised much.
There was one social worker there but we didn't introduce ourselves or say anything about ourselves so I'm not sure how she can know who we are!
And I don't think she can be doing stage 2 for everyone there as there were 21 of us - 10 couples and one single.

I did contribute. Maybe not as much as others, but a bit.

Something of a disastrous start to the day as they had sent the wrong details out to most of us, so someone was the venue we turned up at to tell us we had to be at the other side of the city! But that was a good ice-breaker really as some of us ended up going in convoy to find the actual venue!

It was informal, relaxed and interesting.
An adoptive dad told us his wonderful story Smile

I'm looking forward to day 2 on Friday.
And you're right IG, comfy clothes are a must.

OP posts:
TrinnyandSatsuma · 02/09/2014 20:11

If I close my eyes OP, I can see our prep group in my mind. Sat nervously in a room two years ago.

Two years down the road, between us we have adopted 11 amazing children.

Hope you enjoy day two!

CmonAutumn · 02/09/2014 21:23

Hi Trinny Thank you, that's lovely.
Did you keep in touch with your group then? All of them?
Is that cause you would have anyway or because you were all about to go through the sme thing?

Sorry for the questions.
As I said I'm not very sociable and wouldn't usually keep in touch with anyone I met for 3 days but I realise this is very different.

But oh my goodness to think that in 2 years we could also have 11 children between us! Smile

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2014 01:05

CmonAutumn, thanks, honey, what a nice thing to say. Grin

I actually tried to post the night before you went but the site was playing up or my pc was and I could not, so I re-phrased for the first day.

Glad it went very well.

We have stayed in touch with a lovely couple who live close by. I also see some of the others but we are all quite new to stuff so it takes a time to all get 'into our stride'.

I found that connections like living close by were actually very helpful. I guess for my little boy I want him to know when he is older that joining a family by adoption is not such a strange thing so if I can surround him with people who joined their families by adoption if he ever says 'No one else is adopted!' i can say yes they are!!

TrinnyandSatsuma · 03/09/2014 19:02

Yes, we have kept in touch. They all adopted much younger children though, so see each other more as their little ones aren't at school yet.

It's definitely worth exchanging email addresses at the least as the connections are very useful.

Everyone we met was absolutely lovely.

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