Mailbox with siblings

[RhinosAreFatUnicorns]

DD has been home for 2 years, so have written letters to BPs (no response but not expecting one), and to her siblings.

DD has 2 siblings, one adopted, and one just about to be (awaiting AO).

When sibling was with FC, we received a lovely letter, but nothing from their new family, and nothing at all from the other adopted sibling. Chased and chased with SW, and found that SW hadn't received mailbox agreement back from that family. They have since sent another form but still not received it back.

I have asked SW to chase both families, but that was a couple of months ago, and a recent call found that nothing had changed.

I am so disappointed that DD won't have any contact with her siblings. I think I had a romantic notion of us meeting up once a year, but to not even get a letter makes my heart break for her. She knows she has siblings, and it would be lovely to tell her more. Any idea why these families don't want to put pen to paper, or what I can do??

My DDs don't have siblings placed elsewhere, but I can imagine:

• the APs want to 'forget' about their DCs siblings / their DCs being adopted
• their children get upset by talk of their siblings, so the APs don't think contact is in their best interests
• if siblings are older they may have requested their APs not write

Sorry, no idea what you can do in any of the above circumstances.

I'm really sorry to hear it Rhinos. I've managed to get contact with most of my childrens siblings but not all of them. In one case, it was indeed a situation of wanting to forget about all birth family, not seeing any benefit behind trying to develop a relationship. It was a bit more complicated for the other couple of cases.

There are a lot of reasons they might not have written - I know that knowing of a good reason can help you come to terms with it, but whyever it is, the disappointment for our children's sake is the same.

To add to Sanders list for the child who is still early in placement, the parents might just be very busy and trying to cope with a lot at the moment. They may also have been led to expect that contact arrangements and starting it all is something that happens once they've got their AO in hand? I wouldn't give up hope of that happening yet. It might not ever happen, and I know how upsetting that is because it's happened to me too. But it's still a possibility they may get round to it once they have the order

I would also add that for the other siblings parents, as well as there being a possibility they have difficult things going on or the sibling doesn't want contact right now...sometimes, if a child is currently pretty uninterested in their siblings or not engaged with contact (as opposed to not wanting it, just not seeming too bothered about it either way), they may 'not see a point' in doing it.

Unfortunately, beyond pushing social services, there isn't anything you can do Then trying to explain to your child when they ask about it

Thanks both. Re the younger sibling, I have asked that the SW broaches the subject in their review meetings. I thought about it just being down to them being busy, but also remember thinking I should do everything the SW's asked in the early days :)

The older sibling isn't old enough to be able to say they don't want contact, so I can only conclude that it's the parents wishes. I do know they have another adopted child, so maybe if there isn't contact for that child, they may not want DD's sibling to have contact i.e. Want them to be treated the same?

I really don't know :(

Just wondered if you know for sure letters have reached the other families?

I sent our first contact letter via local adoption team last Sept and due to different LA's discovered it had only reached siblings and their adopters in July this year.
I had been hoping for a reply and now know why I hadn't received anything.
Since then we have met with one family and planning meeting another soon. Hope it works out for your LO.

According to the SW who is trying to help they have. The older sibling has had two letters from us. The younger has had one.

I had really hoped to meet up too - we catch up with our fab FC a couple of times a year and I wanted to do the same with siblings. It's so important - to us anyway.

Both of my DCs have older siblings elsewhere and in both cases meetings were arranged by our social worker to enable the adults to discuss the contact arrangements. It was not optional and the meetings with the adults took place just after placement and the siblings were introduced 6 months after placement.

Can you press for a meeting to be arranged?

DD's older siblings were adopted by another family and we meet up regularly ,exchange birthday gifts and attend birthday parties. ( I'm sure this is unusual but we all get on so well that it works for us all) I admit that I was not keen on the idea of contact with another adopted family but I was surprised at how well it has all turned out. I consider the other adoptive mum to be good friend now.

DS's older siblings are with their birth father ( not DS's birth father) and we exchange letters twice a year and meet up once a year. With that arrangement I feel that it's always us pressing for the contact ( it means so much to DS) but the birth father struggles with it for all sorts of reasons.

Our DD met up for recent union with her sisters all now young adults with family's, have always been in touch from birth, all adopted by different family's, have their own life's most important value's , honesty, and each other.
Think contact system needs dramatic change and independence. , is too outdated for this day and age.