Temper.

[ReetaSkeeter]

My boy has been home for a year. We have a fantastic life, he's settled and happy. But he has a real temper and maybe once a week there will be a long episode of uncontrollable rage. Today was the worst yet. I usually stay as calm as possible and whilst I don't let him get his own way we get through and he calms down, says sorry and it's over. Tonight he was out of control with rage, destruction and temper. He has broken two cupboard doors at his grandparents, the bath at home and has broken skin where he has bitten me. I couldn't help him to calm down, was at a total loss. He went to bed screaming and fell asleep just because he was shattered. I still don't know what I did differently and what I could have done differently. I'm not sure what I'm asking but any advice or coping strategies welcomed!

ReetaSkeeter sorry no advice but could not read and run. I hope you will find some answers. are you in the UK? If so can you get some post adoption support? CAHMS? I have no idea how old he is, clearly old enough to break things but of course there is a big difference between a very young child getting angry and another older child getting out of control in some way.

The only thing I can say is if I were in your shoes I might keep a diary of what triggers him, and maybe even the food that day to see if anything he is eating or doing is adding to it, and I would get some post adoption support, especially for him to resolve the issues that are making him feel this way and for you because the biting and breaking things must be very hard to live with.

Sorry not to be more help.

On the Special Needs board they often recommend a book called The Explosive Child by dr. Ross Green, maybe that will help.

Thank you both for your replies and advice-much appreciated.

Look up Louise Bomber for advice on how to help children who have experienced trauma and loss to regulate themselves.

Sorry no idea here either but being positive it's very good that he's expressing his anger rather than keeping it and ending up with depressive problems.

Do you ever model how you deal with your anger? Sorry I don't know how old he is but children need to learn that feeling angry is ok but just how to expressive in the "best" way.

So when you are feeling a bit irritated about something random I would say out loud "I'm angry about x because it makes me feel y" I'm talking about things like a delivery man being late or something getting accidently broken or spilt. I suppose modelling that when something hurts our feelings we also feel angry.

Hope that makes sense.

How old is he?

There are lots of possible reasons for being unable to control temper. DS is being assessed (eventually) for executive processing issues which often manifests in overreacting to situation and being explosive (although to be fair he doesn't break stuff much)

Executive processing problems are common in children with early life trauma due to the effect of cortisol on the brain.

When DS had violent rages when he was little (3ish) I used to do a holding time in on him to stop him hurting himself and me and it worked very well for us. If he is older you can probably get the school to refer him to an EP (preferably one with adoption experience) if he's having similar problems in school.

He's 4-starting school in September. I do usually do holding time but he was so angry yesterday that I could keep hold of him. His strength at 4 is terrifying! We do see a paediatrician who has suggested some strategies to cope but nothing worked yesterday.
Unusually he was very apologetic this morning and kissed my arm where he bit me. I just don't really know what caused it or what I did differently to normal for it to escalate like it did yesterday. We have an appointment with his doctor next week so I'll raise it with them again. Thanks again everyone-such a relief to be able to talk about it on here.

Kew what is an EP? as in "...probably get the school to refer him to an EP"
?

Thanks

EP = educational psychologist

Thanks tearoomtrash