would sw want to interview my mother?

[crashbandicoot]

hi, I am just wondering if anyone could advise if a sw would want to interview my mother at the references/home study stage?

I would have a few concerns about this as she has been diagnosed with a personality disorder and also has used drugs in the past. I have worked hard to have a healthy relationship with her and see her about once a month (she lives a few hours drive away). however I don't think that she would come across well to social workers.

I would hate to think that this would ruin things for me as she is a lot more stable now... any advice appreciate. thanks x

Hi. I don't think so. I have a very difficult relationship with my father and have no contact with him for very valid reasons. The sw only interviewed the three referee's we gave and was satisfied that I had worked through my relationship with my father and notified him of the plans to adopt. Try not to worry. Also the fact you still see your mother who has had issues with drugs and a personality disorder may help them to see you will understand a child who may come from a background with bp's who have had similar issues. Good luck!

thanks sunshine - really appreciate your input.

I very much doubt they would want to interview her.
They are likely to be interested in how you manage difficulties within your relationship with her; that's a common theme for them as they always seek evidence in now you have worked through any kind of complex or challenging relationship issues. They will also explore what it was like for you growing up with those kind of issues, and in turn, whether that might have any impact on your parenting style.
Its also worth thinking through what kind of a relationship (if any) she will have with your adopted child as that is something they will expect you to have worked through a bit in your thinking.

All of the above is likely to be unpicked during your Home Study assessment.

You choose who they interview. We had to give 2 referees and a family member each
They like to talk to someone who knew you from childhood. I had my Mum but DH had his sister

I honestly don't know where they would stand with interviewing her - may depend on how much of a role she will play in your child's life. They might also want to have a way of checking that your description is accurate.

I'm sure they will want to know how your history with her has influenced how you want to parent.

However I do think you have a really valuable experience to bring to adopting. Lots of adopted children and young adults have to get their heads round a birth parent who loved them, but had things going on that made it too hard for them to be the parent they needed. Young adults may find themselves trying to sort out a relationship with a birth parent who is still struggling. I don't know the specifics or the extent of your mothers difficulties, but I suspect you will have experienced some of those emotions at times and this may put you in a very good place to support your child.

All the best.

I don't think they would necessarily. But if contact will be regular with the children they will probably ask you and want to be reassured that your relationship is good. It may also be a advantage in that they will see that you have a good understanding of the issues that may affect some birth parents, and have dealt positively with them.
I have no contact with my biological father for good reason, I notified him of my plans for a sgo/adoption both times but never received a reply. And ss were fine with this.
I hope everything works out

thanks everyone this is all helpful. I am going to save and print out your responses so that I can refer them in future. It's interesting that it could be seen as a strength.

I was in exactly the same position as you. Mum had mental health problems and I had exact same worries, she will be a loving grandparent but would not interview well. I had to talk about all the issues and importantly stated that she will have contact but it will be in short bursts, at our house and not on her own. They seemed very happy with this and just moved on. We never picked her to be interviewed and we never got it even mentioned at panel. We do have a very good support network on my partners side though which I think helped and they focused much more on what they could offer rather than what my own mother can't. And actually what I have dealt with in way of supporting my mother over the years was considered a plus, as I was considered resilient! So don't let it worry you too much