So

[Buster510]

A general update as I haven't been on here in ages!
1st week of the holidays has been pretty emotional! (mostly on my part I must add). DS has spent each day with his Nan while I have been to work, it is killing me.... my mum has continued to just tell DS what he is up to throughout the week, and I am starting to over worry about our attachment etc.. One day 'joked' mummy isn't the boss nana is then whispered about it behind my back. Can some of you more experienced mums please tell me I am overreacting and we have come too far along the line for our attachment to diminish that has been built and for this to form with my mum through the extra time spent over the holidays!?

As a lot of you know DS has been with us 9 month, hes came along absolutely fantastic and has really settled into his new family. But I do just get tired of the one getting all the crap so to speak! (I know, I know that's to be expected...)

DH came back from work today - que DS ignoring me / shunning me all morning. After the 'argument' with my mum about DS needing to know I am his main carer / make decisions even though I may work; to DHs return and DS rejection I am feeling mostly sorry for myself!!

I hate having to work, it's not good for either of us :(

anyway, back to the grind I go....

Not exclusive too adoption, being grandparents too many, we are naturally more mature have run the mile, more lade back and relaxed , kid's see this too their advantage, and can milk it. afraid that's how it is with some. Have too find a balance way's too include and share this new two way holiday attachments, of course nana's boss is my mummy.

Buster sorry for this, I don't think you are overreacting.

Your mum is kind to look after ds but is your mum not very co operative about attachment? Try to get her on side, not by bossing/telling her what to do. Try and get her to co operate with a bit of 'I know you will know how important this is' etc etc and a bit of how can we tackle this, getting her on side.

Someone else will be along who is wiser! I hope, hugs.

I thought I heard ds call dd's godmother mum yesterday and mentally freaked out!

My DD who is nearly 6 and has been home 10 months, has a very close relationship with my mum. My parents both help out a lot and my mum will once or twice a week come over and be here for dinner, bathtime and bedtime (I am a single parent). DS always wants me but DD will always want nanny to dry her from the bath, read the story etc. I used to get really anxious and stressed about it, and worry she was trying to divide and rule, or dig at me through being loving to my mum, or that having that relationship would mean she didn't attach to me.

Now I think a lot of it is that for DD, 'grandmother' has always been a safer relationship (she had 2 she saw a lot of in birth family), whereas 'mother' is a very complex and scary one for her. So she finds it easier to be with my mum without having to constantly test her the way she does with me. She tests my dad much more, I guess as the 'father' figure. Don't know if that might be relevant to your DS?

Thank you all for your replies, a can identify with a lot of it.

Just to add to this I was hoping for a little advice (hand holding really as really worried about DS).

As I mentioned I am now back at work, during school term DS is completely settled and fine with this routine, his clubs etc within the school. The holidays - although he is undoubtedly having so so much fun with his grandparents and cousins who have come to stay up north my partner and I can't help but see him getting more and more anxious.

He has spent time with his grandparents before now, but it has mostly either been with me/the odd few hours here and there. School holidays he is picked up by my mum (and cousins little boy who is staying with her) each day. I see him once I finish work. We have both noticed little signs that we can also remember from when he was first placed with us. Referring to our home as 'your home' either clingy or very rejecting/distant, less eye contact, unsettled when DH comes home (which isn't that unusual for DS). He said this morning (in his anxious voice) "I'm happy because I have a mummy and daddy". Also "who will be looking after me today?" - he has been in the same routine all holidays with my mum.

He also had a nose bleed and had a cold sore, both of which he developed prior to his placement during introduction weeks, FC at the time pointed out this as a sign of his anxiety.

On the surface he is so happy, and we do not doubt he is. But he struggles to express himself, say what he is feeling without 'presuming' what 'we want to hear'. Although he is a cheeky little chap now, he is still quite compliant on the whole. We are concerned he may be subconsciously be picking up on the same feelings as his introduction weeks, being picked up each day, lots of various fun activities, another boy around who is also not with his mum day to day. He has also been bathed around my mums twice which is clearly out of his routine and something we also did in the intro.

Partner and I may well be over thinking this, as you can imagine my mum is ensuring he is ok, and tells me he is fine, but he is always 'fine'. He doesn't shout and scream or outwardly tell us what is wrong at a given time. But we both can just sense this and we were hoping for some honest advice?

Work is becoming a real problem for us, he needs me at home I can't help but feel if I was there, even with the changes of routine in the school holidays we wouldn't be seeming to experience similar 'signs' as we previously did.