So much to take on board...

[PicaK]

Just starting out on the process but realising that the more I read, the more I understand the more aware I am of just how much more there is to read and know.

As I sat last week in our first meeting with a social worker it hit me that (unlike IVF) this isn't a binary situation where you might get a child or you might not.

And part of me is horrified that while I'm sat here comfortable, nice glass of rose, warm, comfortable - loving husband next to me on the sofa etc my child to be is out there suffering. Finding that hard to get my head around.

Anyone else feeling/felt quite as mixed up?

These feelings are very normal. Adoption is such a unique emotional rollercoaster

I also thought a lot about my future children. Both times I went through the full process, I wanted an older child so I knew for sure they were out there. They were real and yet so unreal, it felt so abstract at the same time. It IS really hard to get your head around.

I hope your meeting went well

It went remarkably well. She wanted to know why we hadn't told friends, family, DC and that's when it hit me that I was half-expecting to be rejected. All the things I was semi-ashamed of (being infertile, being so upset when miscarrying, falling out with family, having counselling and taking years to heal and slowly repairing fall outs) she seemed really pleased about. (But very sensitive, very sweet and sincere in her listening - more so than lots of HVs, Drs etc) She put us down as "experienced parents" and I had to fight the urge to take her pen and write "clueless, muddling through it parents".

I have panicked this weekend as I have read through the reading list.

Wow, you have a reading list?! I'm intrigued, what books are on the list? Our agency did not have a reading list although our sw has lent us a few books a long the way.