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Adoption

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Introductions, with very young LO

12 replies

64x32x24 · 02/07/2014 14:23

I was just wondering, if anyone knows how intros are 'normally' handled, with very young babies? Say, 5 months or younger.

Does this sound about right?
-Day 1: First meeting
-Day 2: Spend quite some time together
-Day 3: Bring home.

It sounds terribly quick to me. But then, any adoptions I've heard of, have always been of older babies/children. So I really wouldn't know.

Any comments appreciated.

OP posts:
Picklesontoast · 02/07/2014 14:48

Hi 64, I don't have any direct experience I'm afraid but wonder how long the LO has been with their current carer and if that impacts the intros plan at all? We have a provisional intro plan with a 7 month old which takes place over 10 days (standard for our LA is 14), but they are very attached to FC and have been placed since birth.

Am sure someone who knows more will be along shortly!

64x32x24 · 02/07/2014 15:18

Same carers since birth. Obviously since birth is quite a short time in absolute terms, but for them, it means their whole life - no matter how long it was exactly in months and weeks.

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disneygirl10 · 02/07/2014 16:09

Someone in my prep group adopted a 6 month old intros were 5 days.

Doris75 · 02/07/2014 16:25

Standard intros in our area were 5-7 days for any baby up to 18 months. 3 days does seem short, regardless of age, as you just have to get a feel for routine and 'personality' if nothing else!

I'm sure your authority/sw would understand if you requested a couple of extra days.

Moomoomie · 02/07/2014 16:36

We adopted dd3 at six months old. Intros were six days, which in my eyes was a day or two too long.
Three days seems very quick. Depends on how experienced with young babies the adopters are.

godzuki · 02/07/2014 21:09

We start intros with our 6 month old later this month. The timetable we've been given is 5 days.

fasparent · 02/07/2014 21:20

Have experienced many always short, may be a bit rushed , often not enough time and little things, though important may be missed accidently this WILL happen is the nature of things, do not be afraid too contact FC's. after placement too fill in any gap's , changing nappy's can be a task in it's self with some, also settling down for a nap or for bed. Each child will be different. PTS can happen in baby's 0 too 6 month's an area not often discussed, due too drug's and alcohol, also development delays, which may occur many years ahead and complicate attachment,s at any time, Important too ask FC's detailed personal ways they coped with baby, what medical test, diagnostic heart and neurological scans have been done, Has viral blood test been done ( baby's can not have BCG inoculations without Negative information off birth mum or by blood test though this may have been done, some areas still do BCG inoculation dependent on community's) .

All would have too gather as much information as possible, not long too input as much information in such a short and emotional time, always take a note pad and pencil say sorry, excuse me but appreciate I may forget what you tell me.
Best too keep intro's short but dot as many i's and dash all t's as possible.

Skitkats · 02/07/2014 22:19

We adopted 5 month old and toddler sibling and intros took 7 days. There was lots of information to gleam from FC's and a lot of that info came out in informal chats. We built up a good relationship with FC's over the week and that was really important. Also, although a lot of our energy was taken up bonding with toddler, we still needed to know a lot about baby's routine, likes/dislikes and also learned the basics about how to care for a baby- bottles, nappies, health etc. 3 days would be a big quick for me.

excitedmamma · 02/07/2014 22:35

Our intros took 7 days, but at 6 months old, she did have serious health conditions which needed training, experience & practice...

That included an afternoon visit to our house and on another day, an overnight stay.

I think for a younger, healthier child, 5 days or so would be normal

GiantIsopod · 02/07/2014 23:58

The only person I know who's adopted a 6mnth old had introductions lasting 6 days. So I would say three days seems fast...it might be fine and good for some babies, but most would be at least 5 days. In 3dys, you get about one day of properly trying to get the routine, which isn't long enough for most, imo!

Nonnimouse · 03/07/2014 09:40

We adopted a 6 month old, our intros were planned over 2 weeks and were then reduced to 10 days as it was going so well. I would think what you are describing is too short, it wouldn't be my preference (and I was an experienced parent of 2 at the time.) Just because baby can't talk and express his feelings doesn't mean he isn't going to be shocked by the huge change of home, carers, smells, tastes, everything. I would want a week minimum really.

64x32x24 · 03/07/2014 09:44

Hmmm. Thanks everyone.

Yes, baby is still very small (younger than any mentioned on this thread yet), and yes we've done the baby stage before (birth DS) so are not total newbies when it comes to babies/nappy changing/bottles etc. It's hard to remember those first few months though! By no means would I say we're 'experts' with babies!

I do sort of remember that at the age we're talking about, our DS's routine seemed to change every two hours weeks or so. Each time we thought 'aha, got it!' - we'd just be flummoxed because a growth spurt or beginnings of teething or a snotty nose or a sleep regression, or something would mess it all up again. Eventually we learned that there was not much point in trying to get him to stick to a 'routine' - even if it was a 'self-chosen' one; and just followed his lead in many things. So that makes me think that perhaps it is not soooo important to get every detail of baby's current routine down pat. The shock of moving to us, as well as general week-to-week development, will probably make that current routine kind of redundant anyway.
Especially if baby regresses a bit, after the move, which is quite probable I'd say. At that age, if they go back a month, developmentally, their behaviour and routines might be SO different to the current ones.

But every baby is different. And this particular baby may be more set in their ways than DS used to be; and every little bit that we can make the transition easier for them, by keeping something or other the same, is definitely worth it!

I think we will see how much information we can get out of the FC beforehand/during the brief intros. And if we feel after two days that it is too soon, we'll ask for another day or two.

Many thanks to everyone, this has been very helpful. Fasparent you have reminded me of quite some questions that need asking, thanks!

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