Naive question about nursery places

[Polkadotpatty]

LO's SW wants us to resume pre-school/nursery in September. This means finding somewhere suitable local to me, and so far the places I've tried have fairly rudely told me I'm far too late and they're full up.

Any suggestions or ideas? Don't suppose anyone in the LA is obligated to help me are they? We are pre-Adoption Order, in case that makes any difference. LO is 3.

We've had a rough day here, so with this on top I'm feeling a bit fed up!

Sorry to hear that you have had a rough day. I can see how this must feel like 'one more flipping thing'!

She should benefit from enhanced admissions priority at local authority nurseries so I would approach them first. If you have any Sure Start Children's Centres with nurseries that ar run by the LA they are also worth considering.
A letter from her social worker is likely to help you to be able to get her in somewhere.

Why is the social worker wanting your LO to go to nursery in September. I don't know obviously what the circumstances but if your LO has recently been placed with you, I would think it far better for the child to settle with you before going to nursery. She's only 3 so there's no great rush is there. What do you feel about the sw's views?

Wtf has this got to do w sw? Do you want her to go to nursery?

X post. What nananina said but with swearing.

Yes, that's a point actually.
The priority should be promoting secure and positive attachment to you as her primary carer. For this reason even school entry is often delayed to support that happening. I didn't leave my daughter with anybody else for eight months and even then it was only for a short while.

On the flip side, if she is used to going to nursery I can understand why it might be felt in her best interests to keep that going.

I completely agree with the experienced SW: she would enjoy going - we're only talking a few hours a week here, but she's used to going (went for 9 months in foster care) and misses it.

I understand why you might query the idea, but it's honestly quite a careful planned part of building her security and routine. She'll still be with me for about 97% of the time!

If you have parental responsibility and the adoption is finalised, it is you who has say over whether or not your little one goes to nursery, or not. Even if the adoption is not finalised, you have a significant say over this decision. I'm sure the SW has good reason for requesting this, but it might be based on generalisations about what is good for adopted children (ha!) rather than on the personal circumstances of you or your little one. I'm pretty sure that you'll know what's best - stand your ground if you need to!

Lots of social workers don't understand child development or the absolute importance of establish secure attachment patterns, and that is done on a 1 - 1 basis with child and parent, not nursery!

Wow. Night night all.

Hang on, everybody.
We don't know Polka's dd. We know nothing about her development or needs so posting a bit more gently might be more helpful.

Besides, September is two months away.
Getting her name down now is key, even if she doesn't start for a while.

Have you told the nurseries you approached that DD is a "looked-after child"?

I am not sure if it applies to pre-school class but when two of my siblings adopted DCs (separately, with their DP's - not together ) - the local schools had to accept them, even though their year groups were technically full. Because they were "looked after children".

Alternatively, could you tell your SW you are having problems finding a place and see whether she can help?

The purpose of the priority rules, I believe, is there because some nurseries/schools are not suitable for some adopted children, whereas some are. So rather than being faced with the choice of 'unsuitable nursery/school' vs. 'nothing/home education', adopters should be able to send their child to a suitable setting, even if there is only one single one around for miles and miles that is actually suitable, and even if that one is oversubscribed.

I don't think the LA is obligated to help you, but they should, really, especially if it is kind of 'their idea' in the first place. And I think they CAN help you, if they want - though I'm not sure. I do know that they can MAKE a school offer your child a place, even if the school is full and doesn't want to. But I believe the situation regarding nursery school places is murkier. I think you need to motivate your SW (or maybe littledot's SW) to research what powers she actually has, let her find out how she can help you with this.

However FWIW DS' nursery school (which is a privately run one) said that they tend to have free spaces in September, less so in January, and hardly any in April. Reason being, the free entitlement (the general one, not the LAC one) kicks in the TERM after 3rd birthday, which is fairly evenly divided across the year - so new kids arrive all through the year. But they ALL leave at the end of the summer term, to start big school. So a whole year worth of children leaves end of July, but only a term worth of new children arrives in September.
So I guess what I'm saying is, have you tried some small privately run nursery schools? Rather than the LA run ones, or those associated with a primary school.

I'd say if possible (I know you're fairly busy and exhausted these days) - try to get this sorted soon (and tell the SWs that too!). Term ends in a couple of weeks or so, it will be hard to get hold of the relevant people afterwards, and of course no more chance to actually go and view the places.
(That said, it would probably give you peace of mind to have things sorted, BUT you could of course just wait and get it sorted once term starts up again in September - things aren't likely to change much (in terms of available places) between now and then, and if you do get LAC preference, you will still get that preference in September!)

I hope you're resting up; tomorrow is a new day, I hope it will be better!

It's definitely worth visiting whatever nurseries are around even if they are full so that you can see what would be best and then trying to get your sw on board to help get a place. If the nurseries are rude when you make your initial enquiry you have to wonder what kind of place they are running! Your sw might also know which nurseries have experience of adopted children. I'd second the idea of looking at children's centre/sure start nurseries as they often have experience of looked after children and usually have some kind of priority system for them as well. My sw helped get my dd into a children's centre nursery even though it was oversubscribed.

Not quite sure where you are in the process but when to start nursery is different for every family. My dd started after 9 months with me just because the nursery only did one intake a year. It actually worked out really well as it meant she had done all her settling in by the time I went back to work at 1 year. You said you'd still be spending 97% of your time with your dd so I am guessing you might be single - I found a few hours of time apart really benefited my relationship with dd - she had a great time mixing with other kids and I had a bit of breathing space. It sounds like you are focused on routine and attachment and a few hours of nursery won't necessarily interfere with attachment - all families are different and the important thing is to find what's right for your dd (although god knows how any of us every figure that out!). I hope tomorrow is an easier day.

Oops! Sorry OP! We crossed posts - I had (wrongly) assumed that you didn't want her to go - much like some of the other posters here. Huge apologies for the assumption! If you want her to go, get your SW to do the legwork for you - they have significant clout in getting you a place, even when it's apparently full :)

Polkadotpatty sorry I too assumed you did not want her to go and were feeling stressed at the idea of her going. I also get confused by all the terminology, to me it's preschool for 3 year olds and above. I though your child was younger but others call it nursery for preschool, so I am not sure what the age group is. Sorry if I over stepped the mark. Our ds has only been with us around two months and I was very uncomfortable about the idea of sending him off to school or preschool or nursery. Sorry if my post came off as too cheeky!

Patty, hope your day wasn't too rough and you get some sleep (are you still getting woken regularly??).
On nurseries, can you get some help phoning around from family/friends - like you, we are still in early days and making phone calls has become a major logistical event in our house so I'm guessing you are also trying to squeeze this into nap times along with everything else? I would definitely see if your SW has some clout to help free up space. Good luck!

Most of our LO's from being baby's have been too mum and baby and play groups all loved it great interactions with other peer's, and meeting other mum's , invites too lots of birthdays and social gatherings with mum's, some transgress too nursery , some adopted mum's followed same pathway, inclusions and attachment's can go together, most will very much depend on a child's character and history., how ever may not be suitable for all . very much a individual situation and choice.

Also forgot too mention as from this year Adoptive Parent's children will be entitled too free Early year Education and child care some children from the age of TWO see Adoption passport at www.first4adoption.org.uk there is also lots more information available at Adoption Passport which may be of some use too all

Polkadotpatty I am so sorry I really did not mean my post in a judgemental or bossy way, I now see that it may have come off totally wrongly and it was totally wrong of me to post in that way. I apologise unreservedly. I will ask for my insensitive post to be removed. I am so sorry.

I posted it very quickly after reading your comments and normally I think before posting but on this occasion it was a quick off the cuff set of comments which I can see were very offensive. Of course you will have read up about attachment and all and you will know what is best for your little one, not some random poster on mumsnet like me!

My little one has been home a couple of months and my social workers are pushing for him to start preschool and some 'professionals' want him to go to big school, so I fear my post was all about me and my child and not about you and your child! Please forgive me, very sorry.

Lots of good ideas there, thanks everyone - it's appreciated

And Italian everyone knows you're lovely and write with only good intentions.

Would not worry Italian most of us have been in similar situations, at the end of the day we as parents will know our children best with time
and will progress with or without support , We kept two of our children down a year group, too enable them too catch up and mature with inclusion more so at their pace. going back too year group was phased in
at a gradual pace. was very successful. One had attended 7 schools by the age of 7 for example and had 33 disruptive placements. this is when for example when attachments and inclusions go hand in hand. All situations will be different.

I'm not sure if this is helpful but I wanted DS to do only a couple of days in preschool/nursery at 3 and most places were very sniffy with me about it a) not a full week and b) I hadn't put his name down at birth this wasn't Eton I should add but a run of the mill nursery albeit in Kew-Darling.

In the end I found a very lovely Montessori nursery who said that because so few people wanted afternoons that they had spaces and I could do just 2 afternoons a week. When he had done 2 terms we switched to mornings 5 days a week.

Ring around every loacl nursery and see if they have more flexibility in the afternoons.

Also if you have any council nursery they may have to prioritise LAC's but private nurseries don't.

Also put name down with those you like because spaces do come up when people move and playing the LAC card may help you jump the waiting list.