School photos

[redfishbluefish]

Just wondering what people do about school photos. Thoughts?

We had said no photos in general of DS, but had not thought about official school photos...

We said no to a preschool class photograph recently. The nursery could guarantee that they would not post these images onto their website but could not guarantee that it wouldn't be posted on the photographers website. Yes, she wouldn't be identified by name but with the development of face regognition software we felt it was not worth the risk (I know one adopter who had their picture taken by a BP for this very purpose).

We ban photos on internet, including on school website.
DD1 is not permitted to put selfies on facebook.
We also do not permit photos in local papers. BF live in region.
Could cause upset if our location is known, but risk of harm is low.

We do permit DDs to be in school and class photos. We consider the likelihood of them being shown to anyone related to birth family to be small.

We also permit photos for in-school use, e.g. display in school hall.

We send good quality (non-school) photos to BM. She knows these would stop if they went on face-book or wherever.

I think you need to balance risk versus letting your child be involved in normal stuff. If there is evidence of serious risk of harm you need to be more cautious than just not wanting BF to know where you live.

I would hope that my ds's parents would allow this as I haven't even tried to attempt to trace him. And I won't until he gets to 18 and then I will ask for direct contact via the local authority (unless he asks sooner of course)

However I accept that some birth parents are more of a risk

Thanks for the helpful responses. We missed a preschool class photo, but we weren't notified that it was happening-I guess either DS wasn't in that day or they took our stance to be a blanket ban, which left me wondering about the long run.

Miracle, thanks in particular for your input. I always find your comments really helpful. But various BPs, various approaches, as you indicate.

I guess it comes down to finding the right balance, as Sanders says. I think I would like to find some kind of middle ground, although not sure what that is yet. Would at least like the choice.

Can you ask that the pictures are not published with name etc and say no to a class one that could end up on other parents' facebooks? Different situation but same outcome here. I was under a child protection order when I was growing up and now my children come under it too because both my (so called) parents have been released from prison and are a risk. Our school is fully aware of the risk and are always happy to try and accommodate. Have you spoken to the photographer also?

Xcountry, that's a good idea. I mean, the current incident is already over and done with - I only found out about it after the fact - but it is worth having a chat with the relevant people so that next time I at least have the chance to consider DS's options. Nice to hear that your school is so helpful. Highlights the importance of finding the right school!

That's a good idea Myfeet. DD1 is starting to ask questions about the photo thing and I don't know how to tackle it with her.

I was wondering whether you tell your children saunders the reason for being careful with photos? I'm lucky in that ds's bm, despite having had my address for 4 yrs, has never tried to turn up or use this knowledge.

MyFeet, that is a very interesting approach, although point taken re quality etc.

We tell our DD's the truth regarding photos:

That if BF saw photos then although unlikely he could cause aggravation that we could do without.
If BM saw photos she could be upset, and 'well meaning friends' might encourage her to come to our area, which would not be in anyone's best interest.

(Background, the birth family are not too far away, so some local papers cover their area as well as ours).

Our school is actually very good with photos, as they have other children who aren't allowed in papers etc. e.g. Nativity, they sent 4 children back with a TA first, then quickly took a few photos. DD2 has been brought up 'knowing' she can't be papers and accepts it.

DD1 has been upset a few times when not allowed to do things due to pictures (especially she would have liked to be a carnival princess), but generally it's OK.

Things may change, as we are considering introducing some face to face contact. In which case I think we'd lift restriction on photos as BM would know where we live. (Can't imagine doing face to face without this info being shared).