Umm, is this normal?

[Piffyonarock]

Hello, long time no post, hope you are all very well

I wonder if I could have the benefit of your experience? My DS (5) has a history of agressive behaviour, as well as raging, inability to self-regulate, running away and generally being quite a handful. The school is involved and an Ed Psych, but this all seems painfully slow moving, the Ed Psych has suggested attachment disorder.

One of the things that I am finding hard to cope with is the physical agression towards me and DD (4), and some of the things that he says e.g. today he has threatened to stab me in the stomach, rip my throat out and to drop a brick on my heart to make it stop. I ignore sometimes or pick him up on it without getting angry, but I do find it hurtful . Other times he is Mummy's boy and loves cuddles etc.

As well as being worried about DS, I suffer from anxiety and I think I'm finding some of this triggering memories of being bullied and otherwise traumatised in the past which isn't helping - my GP wants me to stop taking my citalopram, but I really don't want to.

Would anyone else think that this was cause for concern and pursue GP/CAMMHS/Post Adoption Support, or would you think normal age and stage, he'll grow out of it? DD is copying, so it is all getting a bit wearing.

Thank you for reading that essay!

Thanks Piffyonarock today has been fine.

My dd is currently not getting any evening telly for two weeks for hitting me lightly on the arm the other day. I have decided to be strict, she is nearly as tall as me and I cannot risk it. For violence I am making a point. As you know dd is not adopted. My ds is and is less trouble than her. DS will copy her. I just feel it is too easy for dd to kit out. I cannot be hit. I know behaviour is language and all that but some language is not acceptable. I must get dd to find a way to express herself that is not violent.

You sound very calm. Calmer than I would be!

Will your son get a punishment/consequence for slapping a teacher?

I don't know if he sees either Beavers or swimming as good fun or treat but if he does I would personally 'threaten' he will miss it next time if he does anything like slapping a teacher again.

Keep going with all the therapy and help etc and I really hope it will get better soon. t is very hard for them all I know.

Hi Italian, how old is your DD? My DS had time out when we got home from school. I don't know that school gave him any consequenses, as it was right at the end of the day, if had been within the day I expect he'd have been sent to the head teacher for a stern talking to. He has been better since, seems to have got it out of his system a bit.

I didn't threaten not to take him to swimming or beavers as he'd have called my bluff, and I want him to go. He didn't have swimming lessons for over a year after repeated bad behaviour that wasnt solved with time outs, confiscations and missing sessions. I have talked to him about this as he's on "probation" going back. If he's sent out of the water for being naughty I take him straight home. Am trying to get a balance between not feeding his need for attention at any cost and challenging his behaviour.

I'm cutting down a lot on sugar at the moment and other stimulations that I think aren't helping. Psychologist has been today for intense Webster Stratton support.

Hi Piffyonarock my dd is almost 10.

Yes, agree you have to follow up on threats! That is why I rarely threaten to take away TV! Sadly, TV is the main thing my kids miss.

Glad things are better.

I don't think threats and punishments can get to the bottom of the behaviour or provide long term solutions but sometimes they help to manage things and keep us sane. We give two sweets a day (e.g. Strawberry lances or pencils or laces) and £1 a week pocket money and at least an hour of TV a day plus treats like flavoured milk at weekends and all of these can be 'lost' as a deterrent.

All the best.

That sounds like a good system with the treats, I am not that organised, but perhaps I'll need to be. I think this Psychologist might be quite good for us. Managed not to blub today, so I expect that was a relief to her as well as to me :-)

Are your two settling into school/nursery OK?

yes Piffyonarock kind of. My dd is dyslexic and struggles at school so things have been bumpy so far!

DS is at preschool an has cried when I leave BUT smiled when I returned and no hard feelings. He even said the other days "That was quite fun actually!" Lovely.

They have spent two days making a beach in the garden with blankets, towels, buckets and who knows what else! every day they get on better my heart sings and very time they are unhappy I feel sad. It is exhausting to have ones emotions so tightly connected to two small people who are so fickle! Yet this parenting and fortunately it is all pretty normal stuff at the moment so I am happy.

I do feel I have been lucky, we have had excellent support and assistant almost as quickly as we have asked for it. I do feel good, helpful support is brilliant.